we have been with him for five years and she love him like if he was her father.she ten at that age were ther are xxxxxx but i cant do this any more help
2007-11-29 18:24:30 · 5 answers · asked by katrina h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Apparently the daughter now sees that you will never get back together with her father.
You need to step up and be the mama... in other words... the authority figure. You can be her ALLY, but not her friend.
She has to live with this man and by your rules. At age 10 she should understand these things.
You only have a relatively short time teach her all the the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.
If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across. Try to keep in mind this phrase: "what would have gotten through to me at this age?"
Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such.
2007-11-29 18:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
from you "question" it sounds like you are wanting to get rid of your daughter! where is her real dad? let her go live with him or her grandparents! how is she being treated? i here the i i i song being sung! grow up, you have a 10 yr old daughter! she should come before any guy!!!!!! you have the rest of your life to live how you want, she will be needing you only 8 more yrs! she will be glad to leave you at 18! i can not believe that you would call her a xxxxxx! she is a precious gift that was given to you on loan from GOD! what are you thinking? be a mom to her, and if that means getting rid of the guy, then so be it!!! i would have hurt myself before i called my kids a xxxxxx!!! what are you thinking !?
2007-11-30 02:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by momma_m_47280 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, NEVER talk about your daughter like that. I know that everyone has thought that before, but they don't post it! That's detrimental to your child.
Second, there is a HUGE difference between having a live-in boyfriend & having a husband when it comes to children. It's highly possible that your daughter did have issues with this guy but didn't say anything. It could be that him marrying into the family made it look like he was trying to replace her biological father (it doesn't matter how good or bad he was, the bio daddy is still "daddy").
The best thing for you to do would be to talk to your daughter & if that doesn't work, then seek some therapy for her. Being resentful towards your daughter because she doesn't immediately leap into being a "dutiful daughter" towards your husband is only going to make things worse. Therapy is good for multiple reasons, as if it is not your marraige that is bugging her, it could be something else that she feels (justifiably) that she couldn't come to you for.
Also, I have to say this: Are you sure that there isn't a big problem between her & your husband? There could be issues that you are either not noticing or are in denial about. Don't just take your husband's word for it or assume that your daughter is being a little "xxxxxx". I'm not saying that this is happening, but he could be doing something to her or acting differently to her & you are ignoring it because you feel more loyalty to your husband than your daughter. (Not saying that he's abusive or molesting her, but this is something that you need to take into consideration.)
She could also have some mental disorders that are heriditary. Of course she could just be difficult, as kids her age sometimes are, but it's just as likely that it could be something else. The only way to be sure is to get some therapy for her. She'll be able to talk to this outside & non-biased party & tell them what's going on in her life.
EDIT:
I'd like to say that I don't think that you should be slapping your daughter across her face. A bruise or marking on her face (or even your daughter telling someone you slapped her) will make people accuse you of child abuse. Spanking her with a belt may also be ill concieved, depending on when & why you do it. I think that spanking is ok depending on the circumstance. I have been spanked a few times, but I've never been slapped. The way you described your daughter I'd be careful that you are hitting her because she really did something to merit it instead of hitting her because you are angry. When in doubt, do not raise a hand to your daughter. I don't want to sound judgemental, but the way that one user describes it, it sounds a little too much like child abuse to my liking. I'm sure that she didn't mean it that way, but you've really got to be careful about corporal punishment. Hitting when you are angry can lead to you doing it harder than you meant to (leaving serious bruises, bleeding, ect). On more than one occasion where my sisters & I were spanked our dad waited b/c he was too angry & he didn't want to hurt us.
I really think that at this stage spanking would be a bad move. It sounds like you have no communication & no respect from your daughter. Spanking will not give you respect. It will give you fear & that is not what you want from your daughter. Get her to a therapist & punish her in other ways like taking away her stuff or grounding her.
2007-11-30 02:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
woah.... your grammar and punctuation are hard to understand b ut i think you are saying your 10 year old daughter is having trouble with your new marriage? give it time. she is, after all, only 10. just try to ignore the "xxx" behavior and praise her TONS when she is sweet, polite, welcoming, etc. positive reinforcement works way better than punishment.
2007-11-30 02:36:02 · answer #4 · answered by leos_mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And what is your question?
2007-11-30 02:28:43 · answer #5 · answered by tiny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋