How can I get through this?

Question

I won't go into details. Lets just say I was one of many children facing everyday abuse growing up. I was taking this abuse, and at the same time, everyone was setting such a high standard for me. It has caused me problems as an adult. Problems in the way I relate to others. I am a hard worker. Every job I have had I gave it all I had. And many times my co workers didn't like me. Alot of them treated me like; "What is this guy trying to prove?" I've lost jobs because I would literally go off! But I could not figure out how people could dislike a hard working person. Was it because I didn't talk much? Hard work helps to ease stress. I enjoy physical labor. But I literally hate it when people do everything in their power to destroy your opportunities. I want to think its just me! Its just the way I handle myself. But all I want is to be successful in everything I do. I'm not a jealous person. Happy people make me happy. I don't understand how someone can hate me! What am I doing wrong?

I just have problems relating to others because of what I have been through in the past. I don't understand why after so long, that it still affects my decision making. I went through things that I would not wish on my worst enemy, but its over! Why can I not be free from the pain after so long?

Well how can you get along with someone who does not want to get along with you? I've been good to people. There is no reason that I can see for them to behave the way they do.

Hard work alone doesn't cut it? ..... Well, I laughed at that one! WHat are people paid to do these days? I don't work for CBS CNN or any other media outlet! I actually work!

Answer 1

Well, you're whining a lot, for starters.

Whatever was done in your past IS in the past. What you do with your future is up to you.

You seem to have interpersonal issues with co-workers. Check out the link I'm including and see if that helps.

Hard work alone doesn't cut it - you have to be able to get along with people as well.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about the abuse that you suffered in childhood.

You have answered your own question in the manner in which you have worded it...everyone was setting a high standard for you...it as caused you problems as an adult.

Your co-workers are most likely jealous, you are a hard worker, but you most likely act very independent of the "team," and people do not like that at all. They may feel that you are doing it in order to kiss up or brown nose (old term) the boss(es.)

Have you ever gone to counseling to help deal with the past?

Even though you have found that hard work can alleviate stress, there are other ways to do so, that may not make you isolate yourself quite so much from your co-workers.

Please think about talking to a counselor, there are counselors who deal exclusively with victims of childhood abuse, you can check with your local hospital and they can suggest a good clinician for you to talk to.

You are making an important first step by considering the fact that your methods of dealing with your past are affecting your work hours and co-worker interaction in a negative way.

I hope that you find the help that you deserve soon.

Have a good day.

Answer 3

First of all, you can never truly put your past behind you, because it helps define who you are today. But you can control how much that past determines your current path in life.

As for the co-worker/friends issue, I offer this suggestion. Look around you and determine which co-worker or friend you seem to have the worst relationship with -- that's right, the one who absolutely positively seems to hate you. Then, when the two of you are away from others and have a little time, simply ask him or her what it is about you they don't like. If they truly dislike you they will tell you. If they don't they will probably try to avoid the question. If you get an answer, don't argue with him, simply listen and then say thank you. If you don't get an answer, try someone else. Get as many answers as you feel comfortable with. Once you've heard what these people have to say you may be able to see yourself as others are seeing you. Then you can determine what, if anything, you can change in yourself.

You may, of course, find that you are reading others' responses to you wrong. Perhaps you think they dislike you when in fact they think you dislike them.

In short, if you think people have a problem with you, simply ask them. You may be surprised at what you hear in return.

Hope this helps you, it helped me.

Answer 4

HI!

Well, hon... "everyday abuse" isn't right... any and all abuse is just that... ABUSE!! and it leaves emotional scars which never tend to heal... you seem to have anger issues as the result, from what you say.

I don't know too many other people who go out of their way to destroy opportunities -- they may be annoying or ignorant, but NO ONE can make you feel anything you're not already prone to feeling yourself... so you get annoyed by others and take it personally. the truth is, negative people and put-down artists are miserable and trying to spread the misery around... you and i have a choice -- join in and be miserable, too, or decide to run our own emotions and mood.. it's simple as that.

I really would suggest some therapy. If you are angry and go off, that's not healthy -- not for you, or those around you.

We aren't here to win a popularity contest either... everyone doesn't love or like us. It's probably no great loss, either! Think about it...

No one can make you happy -- happiness comes from within.

Take care and i hope you get through this....

Answer 5

Friend, I am so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds as though you've been hurt deeply and it's affecting the rest of your life.

Let me guess, you were mentally, verbally, and emotionally abused as a child. Possibly physically abused. And nothing you ever did was good enough for your parents, so you worked hard to please them, never meeting their high expectations and always mentally beating yourself up over it. So you'd try harder, and eventually exhaust yourself, not understanding what you did wrong... right?

And now that you're an adult, functioning in the adult world, still, you're over extending yourself to please others and they perceive you as fake, a show-off, and a brown-noser...

My friend... I am so sorry. I am sooo sorry for the pain you are feeling.

I would highly recommend you seek out a therapist. I mean that with the utmost respect and care, because what happened to you as a child is NOT your fault, but it has hurt you. Hopefully, the right therapist will help you to overcome that hurt and help you to let yourself let go of all those high expectations.

I wish I could give you a hug. Very best wishes!

Answer 6

I would suggest trying some counseling.Not saying that you have problems,just saying that not finding some way to release what builds up causes explosions.I learned this the hard way and am still working on this to this day.Also try meditation or yoga..I know sounds hokey but it is a way to release stress,emotions to find a calm within yourself.We can't be happy with others if we are not happy with ourselves..Alot of times when we go through things as a child we continue to blame ourselves as adults,even if it was not our fault to begin with.We hold things against ourselves as a way to justify what happened to us..You were a child what ever happened to you was not your fault nor could you have done anything to stop it on your own.Learn to love yourself and move forward or you will always have some issue arising somewhere down the road.As for people at work I know that is hard to have them trying to cause problems for you.When you see someone at work not talking and working hard doing their job, those not doing their job to the fullest look bad or think they look bad to the boss..People who do not understand others or bother to know them will always be looking for some to find fault with..Find peace in your self and those around you will not matter..Hope this helps.Take care and good luck

Answer 7

I am some what similar, The only difference is I work well with people, At work as long as I can leave them at work. I don't trust anyone and pretty much live my life as a hermit. And it is not that I like living this way, I have had many many hours of counseling.
I think what you need to realize is that you don't need to make friends at work, But if you can just stay on track and realize you do not need to prove your self to anyone but your self. Good luck

Answer 8

People don't want you to make them look bad. I have had many similar situations in my experience. I actually asked them what is your problem with me? They responded by saying that I was making them look bad. And then to make problems worse I was always concentrating on my work and therefore was unaware that I was wrinkling my brow so some people even thought I was always mad.

Answer 9

because you're not taking about it with anyone.....so get a friend if you can, grab a date, and go get coffee, sit down and talk, you'll be surprised how much some people will be willing to listen to you.

Im sorry your life was hard and its unfortunate that people have to go through so much, but its a lesson to make you stronger if anything else.......keep it goin and dont ever think that your not worth much, its only hard to forget it because inside all you can think about it......'i actually made it' You're metally and physically stunned how you got out of it in one piece.

good luck in life buddy, move forward, you'll stop thinking about it eventually.

Answer 10

None of us is perfect. It sounds as though you would greatly benefit from professional counseling, to help you gain insight into the causes of your problems.