My 4 year old throws very bad tantrums and fits.?

Question

Everyday at least 3-4 times a day I have to have a knock down drag out with my 4 yr. old son. He hits, kicks, screams, throws things, spits, & uses fowl language at me. I have tryed everything to get him to stop. I've read parenting books as well. The main problem is that I have a 13 yr old step son who does not like me at all. He refuses to do what I say 99% of the time. Not only that but ever since my 4 yr old has been born, he has been subjected to the abuse and fowl language that the 13 yr. old does to me. He still calls names and foul language is still used by my13 yr. old. Also, his way of releasing anger is the throw things or break stuff. How am I supposed to teach my 4 yr. old to respect me,my stuff & listen & do what he is told if he has watched my 13 yr old get away with it.We're in counseling w/ the 13 yr. old. We have tried everything w/him as well & he just refuses to obey. Nana favors him as well & thinks he's a good kid who does no wrong so that doesn't help.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but the 4yo wouldn't even exist if the older child never respected me. That would have been an immediate deal breaker.

Answer 2

I feel for you

A few things that may help are!!

1. Always stay calm,
if he sensed you are frustrated and/or your losing patience (which is a normal feeling) than he will as well....think of it as fuel for their fire.

2. I do a 1-2-3 your out type system. If by 2 he does not change the behavior I calmly say... on 3 you will have to go to your room for 2 Min's (1 min for each year of age).
Then take him to his room kicking and all ....close the door if need be.

Your son will test you to see if you will do this, expect testing! After a few times in the room consistently...He'll start shaping up!



The most important thing is NO REACTION, YELLING, PLEADING OR SCREAMING! This is hard, I know!!

But in the end you need to take control and be in charge

I did find useful information to understand and how to deal with something similar in a e book

Answer 3

you have to be the parent where nana is concerned...also the language is another story on its own...the fact you dont wash his mouth out is kind of surprising...i have a 16 year old boy and a 12 year old girl..and they do not curse..i realize they may at school and have spoke to both of them about it...if they do it to an adult all bets are off i prefer they do not use it at all...my son at four would scream and crawl thru a store on his arms like his legs were blown off ...all the time..everywhere we went if he didnt get his way..he got over it..he is so totally different now its not funny...the fact the 13 year old is doing these things and there are no consequences to his actions is why the four year old is now acting this way..take everything that kid has away from him from his name brand shoes to the tv the video games, the light bulb in his room.if he wants to act like filth in the street then you treat him with just as much disrespect. it sounds as though his father needs to sit him down and tell him this is what is going to happen you straighten up or you lose every single privilege you have. you go to school you come you lay on your bed unless you are doing homework or eating dinner if you cannot come to the table to eat dinner with the family you will after we all eat..make him regret the day he cursed or taught his four year old brother to curse..if you dont stop this now you are going to have a dope dealing criminal living in your back bedroom cause it sounds as though you are scared of him..by the way where is the father in all of this? and tell nana she cant come over nor see the perfect child unless he has been on his best behavior cause she too is a privilege..give him a taste of what prison is going to be like cause it sounds like thats where he is going..a few days of this with the four year old and he wont be acting like that either

Answer 4

Well number one, you are going have to get both kids in line real quick. The four year old is doing this because he sees it working for the 13 year old.

You and his dad are going to have to realize that no matter what you are going to have to decide on a method of disiplin and stick to it. Even if Nana gets mad.

If he breaks some thing of yours, he needs to repay you by doing chores around the house. or it be taken out of his allowance this is easy stuff to fix. You just have to do it not for a day, but until it ends.

You getting into knock down drag out fights is only escalating the problem. you need to keep your cool and just say I am sorry but you made the decision to break my things now you will pay for it they are children they need your permission for every thing. You can make their life much more misserable then they can make yours.

It really sounds to me like no one is sticking with punishments.

As far as him disrespecting you verbally, That one is real easy to fix you don't do anything for him as long is he is still talking to you like that he is 13 he is perfectly capable of feeding himself, using the washer and the dryer and cleaning up his own messes. He wants to go to a friends sorry charlie you have better things to do then drive him around. wearing dirty clothes and not going anywhere or doing anything and living off what ever he can nuke will get real old real fast he will straighten up.

You also need to get dad to step in where Nana is concerned. She can either jump on the band waggon or not have contact with the boy. If she doesn't believe he is behaving in this mannor, record him and show her what the little angel is acting like. It is real hard to deny what is in your face.
You are an adult, would you allow a complete stranger to treat you like this? No you wouldn't. And you sure wouldn't cook dinner for them every night if they did.

Now if you are guilty of the same behavior, you need to stop. Kids learn respect by getting respect. if all they see is screamming and yelling that is what they learn and that is how they communicate. I know children are difficult, and I know that a step child that does not like you is even worse, but you still have got to maintain control of yourself.

You can be firm with out being agressive and you will be doing your children a huge favor by teaching them how to do it.

You are not going to be able to teach the four year old how to respect you unless you get the thirteen year old under control. People do not do things that don't benifit them.
why would the four year old do anything different then what he sees work for the older sibbling.

I am gonna tell you hun it is not easy to be a parent I know I have three of my own. My oldest is now 21 years old I have been through the hurtful mean things but once they figure out yelling and acting a fool not only stops them from getting what they want today, but for the next week they figure that out pretty darn quick.

I had my son picked up as a run away. before when he snuck out to the house to go to a friends. boy was he imbarrassed when the cops knocked on the door. And he wasn't a bad kid I had told him he couldn't go it was his first and his last time ever sneaking out of the house.

But if I would have allowed him to just stay there and through a fit when he got home well he would have kept on doing it instead i said nothing at all to him. Out side of you want to try it again and see what happens?


Actions speak so much louder then words ever will. They last longer to. You just have to get the support of the hubby. because it doesn't matter how many times you lay down the law, if they don't do the time you are waisting yours. all it takes is one person to not want to deal with it he is driving me crazy so go ahead I am just tired of it. You see what I am saying. I watch my sisters kids use this on her she gives in all the time and she has been litterally physically assulted because the kids have no respect at all for their mother real mother.

So you see it doesn't matter if it is a real child or a step child or a stranger on the street. people can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

dicipline only works when it is actually stuck with.

Answer 5

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