We are 14 years difference in age, me being older. My brother is an alcoholic, and he lies to our 78 almost 79 year old Dad and my dad believes him and not me. It dosen't help that we have two sisters a year apart in age which makes one 7 years younger than me, and one 8 yrs., younger putting my brother and I, a 14 year difference in ages. My question is............how do I get my brother to stop lying and my younger sisters to stop defending him, and listen to me ????
2007-11-29 17:49:44 · 12 answers · asked by Cindy A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Bottom line is there is nothing you can do to change the behavior of another. You can change your attitude about it, though. You keep your father safe as you can, and humor him about the indulgence he gives your brother. Ultimately you need to trust the process of life and know that each person is on their own path and dealing with the realities and disappointments of it. There is every chance that your father knows your brother is lying, but that his relationship with his only son is more important to him. All you can do is worry about yourself and control your own behavior.
Peace!
2007-11-29 17:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth is you can't get them to change their minds on anything. They are already fixed in their thinking. It may take something drastic to happen before they believe you. Your dad and sister don't want to believe the worst about your brother because it's a very painful thing to admit. I wouldn't be surprised if they know about your brothers lifestyle but choose to believe differently. My brother was and I think still would be if he could be quite nasty to me yet my mum thinks the sun shines out of his ****. The same with my sister. Eventually they will admit things and so may your brother. Your brother probably will feel rejected if they find out. Mind you alcoholism is a symptom of a much greater problem and your brother needs understanding and love which will encourage him to tell the truth
2007-11-29 17:59:25 · answer #2 · answered by mentally---deranged 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your brother is an alcoholic and your dad knows it and chooses to believe him over you then you have bigger problems on your hands. Don't worry about settling the argument.
There are two sides to every story, though. If everyone in the house is on your brother's side, then maybe you need to look a little deeper; maybe HE is in the right.
2007-11-29 17:54:04 · answer #3 · answered by BillB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk away. Drop it all. Don't attempt to rescue.
You are the odd one out in this situation, and fighting this is a waste of time and energy. Dissing your brother only makes you look like the bad guy.
Accept all of this.
Maybe your dad will wake up and smell the coffee, or he will just snooze as your brother plunders his living estate before he gets to use it to pay for a decent nursing home in his final years.
2007-11-29 18:03:53 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to you about what?
If your brother is an alcoholic, then he's not going to listen to anyone... have you ever heard of "alcholic thinking" ?
Hon, if you are having issues and your brother is making a mess of his life and everyone around him, think about Alanon... a support group for people whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic... it may help you to have the support and also to understand a little more about alcoholism and how it affects the user.
take care of YOU...
you can't change others.
2007-11-29 17:57:56 · answer #5 · answered by Carolynn M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll never be able to settle an argument with your brother. Unfortunately for you, men use something called "common sense" when confronted with an argument; something you women will never let get in the way of a good argument. Cheers.
2007-11-29 17:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by maddogg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you can get proof of his lies easily, I'm not sure you can do much. Maybe it's time to just wash your hands of it, and walk away. Still be there as the oldest sister, but concentrate on your own life from now on.
2007-11-29 17:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you financially independent? Do they depend on you for money?
If you are or you will be, then I don't see why you need to show them your viewpoint. If the financial strings are in your hands, all of them will succumb to you at one time or another. If you love your brother and can take his responsibility, get him to some good rehabilitation centre, but, if he hs already gone over the edge, don't waste your tears.
As for your father, he's advanced in age and naturally looks to his son for support. Don't argue but, show him your love and responsibility in quiet, little everyday ways. He needs to feel your love and devotion. Let all of them feel how they need you for their existence and you will never ever need to make yourself heard again.
2007-11-29 18:09:42 · answer #8 · answered by andy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not take everything to your heart. you shall be better off if you ignore your younger siblings for a while. do not feel bad about your father's feelings. he will change.
2007-11-29 17:53:35 · answer #9 · answered by shybalan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. They're not required to live their lives the way you think they should.
2007-11-29 17:52:04 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋