problems with my mom..?

Question

Basically, my mom tells me that she knows that she will never have any relationship with me. that i hate talking to her and don't want to be around her. that she doesn't understand why i get along better with my dad and that she's not going to try to continue to talk to me or basically acknowledge my presence around her anymore.

This all kinda took me off guard. she was pretty much putting words in my mouth and when i tried to explain myself she refused to see things from my point of view.
what i was trying to tell her when she was yelling at me about this stuff is that when she does talk to me it is always in a nagging way (doing homework, college apps, and that stuff). so when she does this i usually get upset and leave because she basically yells at me when i come out of my room for not working harder.

My dad on the other hand treats me like a person and not like some sort of child prodigy (which i am far from but ya you get the point).

Basically i feel like my mom is abandoning me and I don’t know what I should do since I still have to live with both parents for a lil less than a year. I feel like by doing all of this she destroyed any relationship we did have (at it wasn’t really that bad of one compared to other people I know).

dizzkat:
please do not jude me on my avatar name. i have been using that name for things since the 5th grade and when i try to change i forget it.

Anyways i have actually been doing my own laundry since the third grade so no when i leave i doubt my mother will decide to start. Also i have had a job for the past two years and am pretty much financially independent so no she does not pay for my extracurricular activities.
Also the reason i get frustrated when she nags me for one reason is because for many years she never did. she would focus on my brother and i was the forgotten child. which is how i liked it to be honest.
Also she gets drunk... often. so her and politely asking don't really go hand in hand. she more yells and throws things around.

i get that your a mom and so obviously your sympathies go to the mom in the situation. But you should consider that the mom in my situation is refusing to talk to her child. now you tell me who the mature one in this situation is.

Answer 1

It's not fair of your mother to treat you this way. She is the parent, and should not blame you for the distance in your relationship.

However, it's hard to reason with a person who refuses to talk rationally. If she'll listen (writing a letter might be a better approach), reassure her that you love her very much, and seek her approval. Let her know that you want to have a relationship with her and the way she is treating you is hurtful.

Suggest family counseling to her. Since you seem to have a good relationship with your dad, ask him to back you up. A wonderful family counselor that my parents and I saw a few years back completely reversed the direction our relationship was going in. If she is willing to try it, then she hasn't given up yet. It's likely that she is simply envious of your relationship with your father, and is insecure about your feelings towards her. It sounds like she might have some of her own issues on the side she needs to work out too.

I advise that you do whatever you can to try and mend the break before you leave the house...because once that happens, it's likely it'll never get fixed. In the end, even if she refuses to go to counseling with you, I suggest finding a counselor for yourself...because you don't deserve the treatment you're receiving, but it's easy to get beaten down under so much damage to your self esteem. The support of that unbiased third party can be really beneficial...I really swear by it. :)

Answer 2

I think your Mom was probably just talking to you out of the pain you caused her. I'm not saying you were wrong to do so, but it could be that she was just really super-hurt by what you said and didn't know how to deal with it. You can tell her that you want to work on strengthening your relationship with her by getting to know her as a person.

Do you understand why it is that she nags you about all the things you need to do? Explain that to her, but also tell her that you're nearly an adult now and that you need a little bit more leeway to do things.

Answer 3

This is a tough time for parents. As a Dad I tried to let my daughter work through the college apps and stuff. It is really hard though to see your youngest (and older one's too) getting ready to leave the house and go off to school. Some days, it was almost impossible to function thinking about my youngest leaving the house.
Don't create unncessary conflict. Keep talking to your Dad and work at your Mom. You'll be happiest in years ahead.

Answer 4

hey well i would say ur mom sounds like ur parents are divorce and divorce can make people do wierd things like that. Like not want to see the other person ect. Ur dad is right now being more mature about it, and being the bigger person. If i were u id ask ur mom if maybe when she picks u up she doesnt have to come in she can hong on the horn in the car and she can drop u off down the street something like that. or i would talk to ur dad about getting more of a joint costudy going so u can be with him more. Also instead of staying home alone u can hang out with friends, go to movies, bike rides, walks, neighbours ect. good luck! ali

Answer 5

Family is often the first set of obstacles we have to overcome in life. I know a lot of people who felt abandoned by their mothers. A lot of time the mothers feel like they were shackled to childrearing before they even got to experience life.

All you can do is do your best to get through school and college and get a job so you can stay away from her negative self. Drive yourself to excell.
Your mom may warm up to you years later.
I am glad that your dad is there for you.

Answer 6

Your avatar name is "lazypants"..... Is it possible she nags at you and pushes you to do your homework and fulfill the things you are responsible for because she wants you to succeed?
She may just be tired of trying to get you to see the successful woman she sees in you and knows is possible. And because she has more experience in this life she knows it takes hard work and a sense of responsibility to make it a successful one.
So now you are on your own. She isn't going to tell you anymore what you should be doing. Hopefully she isn't gonna do your laundry or give you rides or pay for your extracurricular activities any longer either. Go ahead and be responsible for your own things, and do them in your own time and your own way.
When mom's get tired of asking nicely or telling politely, they tend to nag. And loudly.

Answer 7

Tell her that you want a relationship with her but you want a good one. I am the kind of person who like to lay the cards on the table and get it all out in the open. I don't like to leave things to speculation. It could be that both of you need to change for it to work.

Answer 8

I agree with NC Mom. This is my opinion, though. Your mother may be suffering midlife, or she may be afraid to let you go. My mother never wanted me to be on my own, and I have been now since I was 18. She still doesn't like it, mostly because I am disabled and a single mother, but it's the path I chose. We are still close, though, in miles and sometimes in heart, but we have our moments. Just try to show her how much you love her, and that she means more to you than she knows.

Answer 9

MOTHER IN THE WIND" by [e-mail]

Yes, I am your mother, and I live within the wind,
my love for you my child,, this I won't rescind.
Listen to weeping willows, as they bend their bows
late at night I come to you, for no one else will know.
I am in the wind, that blows through your silky hair,
please don't cry my baby,, nor should you now despair.


Here I lay at night, and yes,, look down in awe of you,
life is short my baby, you have so much more to do.
Don't give so much to others, they will drain you , this I know,
spread your wings,, my child,, for all my love, I shall bestow,
every second for which you live,, and for you I watch your heart,
I am the wind beneath your wings, as you make a brand new start.

Thank you child for loving me, the laughter and tears are memories,
look around my love,. I am in the wind and the midnight breeze.

You My child,, How I miss you,,,, .."MOTHER IN THE WIND" :)


a reply I Receivd from

"broken heart" she lost her daughter.
Tommy:
I saved your poem for my granddaughter I lost her mother when she was only 19. Iam going to put it in a memory box I made to give her on her sixteenth birthday. thank you for writing it. I am struggling so much its only been a year and a half since her passing. Her daughter was only 9 months when she passed away. My daughter loved her so much. I believe theres something more after

Answer 10

Sounds like your mom may be depressed and afraid of being abandoned herself.

Her nagging is her way of showing you she cares and wants the best for you.

Have you told her you loved her lately? Treated her like a person instead of a nagging witch? Try showing some love and see if her attitude changes. Good luck.