Parents of an only child? What do you think of parents who bring both or more of their children?

Question

to a playdate or party? Especially when the other child wasn't invited. Do they not know about the 3's a crowd rule? Why do some people consider their children joined at the hip? As a single mother of my one and only child, I don't understand this?

Yes, I have had parents drop their kids off at both & leave & I think it's very rude. Several of my daughter's birthday parties were crashed by 1 mom in particular, who has 6 children. I didn't have enough favors, cake & etc. There are other times that a group of us will meet at a park & everyone can play together. Anyone who is a parent knows that it has to be an even number of children, or someone gets his/her feelings hurt.
I didn't understand why some of you thought that the parent would have to get a babysitter?
Their sibling have friends of their own. I'm tired of having to knock my self out to accommodate so many kids when my daughter just wanted to play with one friend that day.
I have two sets of friends whose have two daughters the same age as my child & their siblings are 1 year older & the other is 1 year younger. The older sibling has major problems & is very mean and disruptive.

Yes, Viento, these posters don't know that we are single moms & don't have anyone to help out

Answer 1

honestly i feel ya...even though I have 4 which I love and adore...
but they all need that alone playtime...
I think its so rude...
I had a party for my seven year old..and i insisted on just girls and people still left their little boys their 2 who had nothing to do..cause it was a girl day...and am no babysitter....really people are just unaware of proper etiquette these days...

Answer 2

Given that your child and my daughter are the same age (I remember from earlier posts) I am guessing it is safe to say that a play date is no longer a date for you to catch up with the mother of your child's friend. If this is the case than there is no reason that they should be leaving both children with you. If you invited mom to hang out though, consider this. How many times did you take your daughter with you when she was little. I was a single parent for 6 years and with no babysitter or cash for one I only went to an event if I could take my daughter (for the most part). In short, if you invite mom to play too than she will most likely come with the other children.

Birthday parties vary. When my daughter turned five I was shocked when one of her friends came with her brother and sister but it worked out and there were even enough party bags due to 2 no shows. When my daughter turned 6 her party was a rollerskating party and 2 of the kids came with siblings. There parents payed for there skates and pizza though so I was fine with it. At 7 no one extra came and this Saturday she will be having her 8th and I don't expect anyone extra as the parents are dropping off. So again...If you invite the parents you might consider expecting the kids. If you are just inviting the one child than you are right, that is all you should get.

Answer 3

You answered your own question,you only have one child so you don't understand the predicament of parents who have more then one!
I agree that a parent should not bring an uninvited child to a party but on a play date! Come on,you really think the parent should pay for a babysitter for the child/children you don't want to come to the play date or keep the invited child home because they can't afford a babysitter for the others? You should be more open-minded to other peoples situation. Unless you have something specifically planned for a certain age group of kids that the younger /older wouldn't be appropriate for,then you should offer for the parent to just drop off their child and not stay to help you supervise.Maybe if/when you have more then one,you will see that your "joined at the hip" comment is rude!

Answer 4

I have seen this at parties,not so much at in-home playdates. Certainly, if the parent is dropping the child off at your home to play and expects to leave other children as well, it is perfectly fine to say "I don't feel comfortable watching your other children" or "I'm sorry, all the things I had planned for today are appropriate for Jenny and her friend, but not the little ones." When it comes to parties, you can place a note on the invitation that the activities, location, cost require you to limit guests to the child on the invitation and that the party is not for younger siblings.

Answer 5

Unless it's been arranged that they are bringing the other children, only the one invited to the birthday party should be there.

However play dates are a little harder. Often parents can't find a babysitter during the day so unless it's a drop off and leave the child for the play date, the other ones have to come along. If you are having trouble with this, merely tell the other parents that you would be willing to watch their little one for awhile so they don't have to bring the other children out.

Answer 6

I disagree with the other answers - if you've invited the parents too, then it's understandable that they'll bring their other child.
However, if the parents aren't sticking around, then it isn't 'assumed' that when you invite your child's friend over that their siblings have to come too... think about it: what if they have 4 siblings? Are you automatically inviting the other 4 too? Of course not.

If you want to make this clear without hurting their feelings, I'd suggest saying something like "Jake would love to have Mark over for a camp night just the two of them, without any of us - they're growing up so quickly!" or something to that effect... that way they won't be offended and the other child isn't specifically being singled out. Of course this depends on their age, but you get the point.

I fully believe in the philosophy of 'the more the merrier' but if your child wants time alone with his friend occasionally, whether it's 'charitable' or not, the third child won't feel included. It's not fair to the third child either to constantly have them tagging along. It's important for children to feel that they have their own friends, sometimes independantly of their siblings.

A lot of people are obsessed with the pack mentality - that everything's better when there are more people. Sometimes it's nice for children to just have one-on-one interaction. It's totally different than group interaction. It produces more interesting & grown-up conversation, and nurtures lasting friendships. If you've ever seen two little kids sitting together just talking about stuff, it's such a heart-warming thing... when I was really little, my mom says I used to sit with my best friend and she overheard us one day talking about where you were before you were born, and where you went after you died... both of us lost a grandparent very young & looked to each other for input. Children are underestimated and they need to be allowed some liberty with choosing friends - sometimes they need to have just each other and not the 4 cousins, 3 siblings of friends & the kid next door.

That's just my input, but I say it's your child & you should talk to them about what they want. It's also not your responsibility to babysit for free!

Answer 7

Does the other parent stay at the play date with their kids? If so, it's probably a case of not wanting to find (and pay for) a babysitter.

If the parent drops both kids off and then leaves, then yes, that's rude and you should say something like 'My Jimmy loves when Bobby comes over, but the boys seem to play better together when Susy isn't here too. Otherwise, they tend to gang up on her. Next time, would you mind if Bobby came on his own?'

I only have one child too, but my mom had 3, and she never dropped us all off at a friends unless we were all 3 invited.

Answer 8

Often it is a question of not having a babysitter for the other sibling especially during the weekdays. Pre-schoolers usually are raised together and it is not fair to split them up. This will not be a problem once they reach school age but you could be specific with the Moms if you only want one at a party - I don't think a playdate matters all that much if two of them are there.

Answer 9

I can't tell you how many times I've had siblings show up to a party that they weren't invited to. I've often wondered if parents with multiple kids just use it as an excuse to take some time off for themselves. How can you teach kids about real life experiences and independence if you are forcing them to have a crutch. Life is full of disappointments and children need to learn how to deal with them. You aren't always going to be invited, you aren't always going to fit in. I know we are talking about children and mothers don't want to see their children hurt but isn't helping them deal with it better than creating a facade?

Answer 10

I am one of five children all one year apart. There is no way my mom would have dropped us all off at someone's home if one of us was invited to a party.
As kids, we valued time alone and having friends (or anything for that matter) that you didn't have to share with your siblings.
The parents who are writing about having more than one child to keep the other one company really baffle me. They may keep each other company when they are adults, but when they are children, they spend half their time fighting or being jealous of what the other one has.

Answer 11

I have a question- PLEASE clarify!

When you say playdate do you mean that the other mom is bringing both children and then leaving both children at your home and leaving?

Or is she staying to visit?


I think the age of the children matters. If they are sisters one year apart that is different than 4 years apart or even a boy and girl. If she considers all of the children to be friends that may explain it.