Am I wrong not to let my 14 y/o daughter date an 18 y/o boy?

Question

My daughter is 14 turning 15 in January. She is behind my back and against my pleading with her seeing an 18 year old boy who has been (even publicly at parties according to my older daughter and friends) sexually active. Even his myspace is covered with pictures of scantly dressed girls. Texas says if he is over 3 years older (which he is) it would be statutory rape if they do that. They both know this.
I was still tucking her in bed until she met this boy. Am I being overly protective and babying her? Should I stick to my guns and try to keep them apart or give them a chance ? She won't speak to me anymore.
She's been withdrawn for a couple of weeks now.

Answer 1

you are absoloutly right to not let her see him.

When i was 14 i thought i knew what i wanted but looking back now i had no real clue. My mom refused to let me see a boy that i met off the internet, and at the time i hated her, and i refused to forgive her and i threatned to never speak to her again...come to find out, he wasnt who he said he was at all. Now i realize how lucky i am to have had a mother who cared so much for me that she would let me scream and hate her, but still loved me and didnt let me destroy my life.

All this guy wants is sex from a virgin. And if he cares for your daughter as much as she thinks he does he would respect her enough to get your approval, and wait a couple years to date her, while being her friend now.

Try your hardest to stick to your instincts. They're there for a reason. If you do decide to let him date her, make sure you keep your daughter informed of the consequences of what could happen.

Answer 2

No, you are not wrong!!! But, if she is withdrawn and not herself, then she might be depressed. This could be the straw that breaks the camel's back with any instability. Keep a close eye on her, and take her to a therapist.

She will be so unhappy with you right now, but one day, she will thank you. It is just creepy for a senior in high school to be with a freshman. The age difference is WAY too big, and they don't have anything in common. He must be a real loser if he can't find a girl his own age. (Any 14 year old would be taken with a guy who can drive and grow a mustache!)

Also, if she is not attracted to guys her own age, it could be a symptom that she experienced an inappropriate relationship in the past (sexual or physical abuse or poor boundaries). Be sure that the therapist explores this.

You are being a good mom to keep an eye on her!!! Get her on the pill, educate her on the statutory laws, and don't let her too far out of your sight. Much luck!!!

Answer 3

I could see if the ages were 20 and 24 BUT there is a big age gap between 14 and 18. 14 is barely a teen and 18 is almost 20. I would not want my 14 year old mixed up with someone that much older. Even if it was a friendship...he is way too advanced in every way for her. It is only asking for trouble. I would go with your guts, you don't want them together for a reason. good job! She will thank you in the long run, although it may be some time from now!

Answer 4

I don't mean to be rude..In fact, I didn't even read the entire question you asked, no need to....But if you have to ask and doubt yourself about allowing your 14 year old daughter to date a 18 year old MAN...HELLO! your daughter is a minor, hello!
If you really have to ask that question and doubt yourself, then yes you were wrong. It's just perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong with your 14 year old daughter dating a 18 year old man who's got a reputable of a very sexual high drive....could be possibly infected with HIV..In fact, why don't you just call him right on over and let him bang her in front of you... I hope you wouldn't do that but would you? No you were not wrong! HELLO...

If you really have to ask that question, and you know all the facts about this dude...Then there's something seriously wrong with you and I feel sorry for your family..Come one lady think! THINK!!
Most importantly, start being a parent and stop trying to be your daughter's friend. Who's the parent, The 18 year old man or you?! Come on now, let's use some reasoning here.

I apologize for the words but questions like this is just KRAZY!

Answer 5

Please stick to your guns!I am a mother of a daughter that just turned 15 few days ago and me being stupid and trusting her to much I let her see a boy that lived 2 houses down from us when she was 14.They were always supervised and my home.Dad not knowing how old this boy was.Well 1 evening I let her walk the 2 houses down to his house.STUPID ME.She lost her virginity to this boy at the age of 14 and I had her put on birth control because I lost all trust in her.Thank god they used a condom but that is not always safe either.
I lost my virginity at a very young age and I was hoping she would wait longer,but like I said I was stupid and tried to be her best friend and understand what she was feeling instead of her mother and putting my foot down.
All boys that age want is sex and I know that for a fact because I am also a mother of an 18 year old son.Hell my 13 year old son is only interested in sex.So that tells you dont trust any age boy.LOL

Answer 6

STICK TO YOUR GUNS ON THIS!!!
Anytime a female, under 16, has sex with a male over 16 - it is STATUTORY RAPE! If Texas states something about a 3 year age difference - then they have their p's and q's all wrong. Just think about it; imagine a married couple, in their 20's or older - what happens if they are more than 3 years apart in age - 'statutory rape'? I don't think so!

Answer 7

She's withdrawn for a couple of weeks? Get her to counseling! She's needs a non-involved ear to listen to her. Her friends probably have opinions of their own, she can't talk to the guy about it since he's so involved, and she can't talk about it to you or her family. Maybe have her join a club or something. She's searching for her identity, and if she's going after a very sexually active boy then she's most likely pretty insecure right now. And if she ends up going out with this boy behind your back (it'll last a few months max), then NEVER EVER be like "I told you so" when she is crying over him. Remember that. Please. She'll never talk to you again. If that does happen, then offer her a story from your past that involves a similar situation, even if it is a bit personal.

Answer 8

You are doing the right thing by not letting your daughter see an 18 year old boy who is sexually active!!!

Stick to your guns and and keep them apart at ALL COSTS!!!
That is your baby we are talking about and there is no bond stronger than a parent love for their child.....YOU TAKE WHAT EVER STEPS ARE NECESSARY TO PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! SHE MAY HATE YOU NOW BUT SHE WILL UNDERSTAND LATER ON IN LIFE WHEN SHE IS A PARENT!!!

Answer 9

If he was a polite gentlemen, who came to your house to meet you and was just an overall good guy, I would say yes, you were being overprotective. However, the way this guy is described, you are completely right in saying 'no' to her.
But the sad, and scary, truth is, is that you probably have little to no say in it. She is going to 'date' him behind your back, with your unwillingness just fueling the fire.
You could write a letter explaining to her (because if you simply talk to her, she might get very defensive, be in attack mode, and block you out) why you have decided this. You aren't doing this to 'ruin her life'. As cliche as it may sound, you are protecting her because you love her.
You could offer to have him over for dinner, or something similar. She'll probably protest, call you embarassing, but don't let her fool you, she WILL consider it in a few days, hour, or even minutes.
You said you were "stiill tucking her in" before she met this boy, i assume then you guys already had a good relationship.
She probably doesn't want to hurt you either, so hopefully she'll consider compromising. BUT, by compromising, this does NOT mean allowing her to do the things you say he does. Explain to her that you don't want her to be like those girls on his myspace. She'll retort with something probably like "You think I'm gonna turn into one of them just because of one boy?!". Tell her she's already started changing, she won't even talk to you because of one stupid boy.
At the very worst, this will go on for a couple months. An 18 year old is at a different point in their life than a 14/15 year old. One of them will hopefullysonn realize this.
Good Luck!
The world needs more moms like you

Answer 10

No ma'am you are not wrong. I admire you for being protective & at her age it isn't being overly protective, it's about you as a parent being responsible for your 14 y/o daughter's life.
If I were you & I knew how to find his profile on myspace, I would contact or visit his parents and inform them of the worry and fear he is causing you concerning your 14 y/o daughter.
You definitely do need to stick to your guns and do everything in your power to keep him away from the daughter.
I didn't have daughters-but I have 2 (grown) sons. I did not allow them out of my sight (other than school) until 16 years old & then they could have all the friends they wanted on weekend's--at our house--not at the mall, but at home. I fed 20-30 every weekend their 4 yrs of high school. The kids loved me & I never had to hunt or chase around looking for them in a dark place. They knew they'd get sent home & I'd call their parents & give the "report".
To this day if one of those kids spot me out shopping or at an event they yell my name & come running. I get hugs & thanks for allowing them to grow up "in my back yard" instead on the streets as the majority of the kids did back then.
It was worth every $$$ I spent to feed the teenager's & was an honor they choose our open door. I was always there being their friend ...and making friends. I also wanted to make sure my son's wasn't going to take advantage of someone's daughter.
Keep up your concern and stop the wolf from carrying away your lamb. Let him know he isn't going to use your daughter for another notch on his bedpost.Do not be afraid or you'll hand your daughter over to a life of hell.

Answer 11

You then need to put down more bounderies. You need to sit down with her and explain the reasons why this relationship is not o.k. (and if you are questioning if you are being too hard then what do you think this boy wants from the relationship...isn't your daughter worth more than that? Is she ready to be a mommy?) Then explain that since she is refusing to follow the rules that you as her parent has laid down for her then you are going to have to start taking away privalages like, does she ride the bus to and from school? Start picking her up. Is no one home when she gets out of school so she can go and do what she wants? Then make sure someone is available to be there.

You need to enforce your rules no matter what! Her safety and her emotional and physical well being is more important than anything. And you are not wrong for saying that this relationship is a NO GO!! But now it sounds like you need to step up and reinforce your word and the rules!
Good luck!!