he won't give up???

Question

We've been broken up for 6 months. Until now, he wouldnt discuss any feelings or why we broke up in the first place. He treated me very poorly.

And now he's regretting it. It took me moving on to finally make him see he was in the wrong and he wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be....now he's trying to make up for it.

He's sent a letter in the mail every day for the last 3 wks. They're cute and sweet and something I wouldve loved when we were together. But he didn't treat me right then-- he shut me out, was very cold, distant, and selfish...and now thinks that by going out of his way it will make it all ok.

I can't forget the way he made me feel. He insists that wasn't the "real him." But I'm in a better place and refuse to go back.

How do I explain to him that the letters arent going to change anything? I've told him again and again. I've stopped acknowledging them. I don't want to hurt him further or be rude. But he wont give up.

Answer 1

My ex believed that even after I had caught him with another woman - in my home - that I would take him back. He would not accept that it was over. I finally had to tell him (as kindly as possible) that I had found someone else and had moved on. After that he seemed to begin to see things as they really were.

Answer 2

Bella, take it from me, these guys DON'T change. Sure people change over time, but that would have to include intensive cognitive therapy. I suspect this has not happened. It only happens in less than 5% of cases. I've been treated like that and know how hurtful it is. Never forget that you ARE in a better place and you won't go back.

So, how do you disuade him? Go to your Dr. and e-mail him a list of names and numbers of therapists. In the e-mail tell him you are very happy now and hope he too is happy in the future. End of story. Don't even acknowledge or mention the two of you together. Just be short and to the point.

This will not hurt his feelings. This will either enlighten him to see a therapist, or more than likely he will get pissed off and move on (without a second thought to you). He's got an addiction - don't worry, he'll be ok. Focus on yourself and you being happy.

All the best

Answer 3

My ex was a lot like the guy you just described. i wonder if its the same guy? LOL!!! I had to literally relocate, I mean move yourself out of where you live, change your number and just go. My advice would be to move out of town, leaving the city you currently live in...don't do what I did (which didn't work) and that was move across town. He tracked me down at my place of employment. Anyway, I eventually got to the point where I told him to leave me alone or I would have a restraining order put on him. He did not believe me until one night he was waiting on my patio when I came home late from hanging out with the girls. He scared me so bad that I started to cry. When he tried to comfort me, I told him to leave and shut the door. He stayed outside the door knocking and asked if he could come in several times and then I guess one of my neighbors called the cops cuz I didn't and then a cop showed up and I heard him tell the officer "oh uh I was just leaving" ...needless to say, he never bothered me again. I felt bad cuz he thought I called the cops but I didn't. I don't know if he knows that but its been a long time. So if you got anything from my story, I hope it helped. Good luck.

Answer 4

wow, I was in the same position as you before. Explain to him what you just told us. Make sure he understands that there is no chance of you ever getting back with him. Tell him to stop mailing you those letters cuz they're not helping you or him to move on.

Don't worry about being rude with your requests cuz u don't want him to misunderstand you and think you may get with him again. In the meantime, the whole "lets be friends" after a breakup isn't healthy. so try to avoid those calls and if you see him in public, make it a simple "hi,bye"

Answer 5

you can explain to him very politely. Just tell him how you feel, and calmly tell him that he had his chance and now it is gone, You have moved on with your life and you feel it is time that he should do the same, and maybe that will be a lesson to him in the future. Guys just don't realize, "you don't know what you have until it is gone." After you have made your peace, you must discontinue all contact, that might give him false hope."

Answer 6

Stop reading the letters.
You can mark them "return to sender" as well.
Also, don't talk to him by phone or any other means.
It seems a bit mean, but this guy isn't gonna give up very easily if you keep in contact.
Also, reading the letters serves no purpose.

Answer 7

That is called stalking, he "got" you, owned you/ treated you however, and he misses that power. Stalkers like that are very bad news. I would tell him to back off (however you word it- maybe you've met someone else or something, just tell him your not interested anymore) and if he persists- restraining order. I'm not joking- those are the men that think if they can have you no one can and tehey will attempt to hurt you or whoever your going with. Not trying to scare you, just informing.

Answer 8

sounds like it's time to sever contact with this guy; it sounds like you've already explained well enough. you've already told him no, and he isn't respecting your wishes. you don't know what else he'll do, given the chance. he certainly isn't going to treat you right if you take him back, since he isn't being respectful of you now. in an extreme case, you may need to consider a restraining order.

Answer 9

"I dont want to hurt him further or be rude!" IT was HIM who treated you very poorly. DONT BE A DO-GOODER. Tell him he blew his chance and you have moved on without him and that it the way it is and will be. Just like that.

Answer 10

there isnt much left you can do really. if it takes him getting hurt a lil to get it through his head that you have moved on then thats what needs to be done. he might be hurt for a while but he'll move on like you did!