How do I tell my parents that I'm not ok?

Question

I'm kinda depressed and I want to tell my parents but I dont know how and I dont know how they'd react. I've told them before and they played it off like a joke like "oh haha thats funny hun"
My parents are the kind of people who like to pretend everything is fine and they aren't very affectionate. I'm just really unhappy, but I dont know how to tell them. I think if I tell them, I'll be letting them down so I go through everyday wearing a fake smile. They're really worried about my brother and his college and I'm kinda getting forgotton. I'm 14 and I just feel like everythings falling apart. I can't go to my school, I'm homeschooled so no counslers or crap. I dont have any friends, they all ditched me when I wouldn't smoke pot, so no help there either.
If your 14 year old daughter was depressed would you want her to tell you?
How should I tell my parents?

Answer 1

You are amazing. So intuitive for such a young teenager. Do you have an aunt or uncle or best friend's mom that you could approach? If you can confide in them and tell them your fear that your folks will just brush it off, maybe coming from another adult, your parents will take action.

There is no need for you to feel so bad. In my family, it was an admission of weakness to seek counseling. And that is wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! It takes so much courage to admit a problem and want help with it.

If you were my daughter, I'd love for you to print out this Yahoo page, hug me and say, 'please, I'm seriously sad'.
And we could cry together.

Answer 2

You can't go around acting happy when you aren't. Since there's really no one else you can talk to about this, you have to get through to your parents. (Or, maybe there are some close relatives?) I had a rough time with my parents growing up, and they didn't want to believe anything was wrong with me either.

The best thing that I can advise is to be honest - not so much come out and tell them that there's something wrong, but act the way you feel. If you feel sad, frown; if you're distracted, go with it. If they don't ask you what's wrong, show little or no interest in schoolwork or food. It's really hard to miss the signs of depression, so exhibit them - as many as possible. Since they won't listen to your words, show them. BE sad, BE lonely, BE disinterested, and soon they'll start to worry about you and try to help you find what's wrong.

In the meantime, take hope in knowing that it doesn't last forever. I don't know if you're planning on college (I know, it sounds a long way off, but it comes sooner than you think), but if you do, you'll make new friends - REAL friends; you'll discover your purpose, and work towards your goals. It may not sound like much encouragement now, but believe me, you'll look back on this period in your life and learn from it.

There IS hope.

Answer 3

I'd want my daughter to tell me any and every way I could help her. Sadly, some parents aren't very good at that sort of thing.

Some people think that if they ignore problems, they go away. At your age if I'd shot heroin in the middle of Thanksgiving Dinner, the whole family would have ignored it completely. So I can relate.

But DON'T avoid talking to them for fear of "letting them down." When people do that "I'll ignore it" thing, part of them assumes that the person they are ignoring can handle things by themselves. Come flat out and say it.

"I'm your daughter, and I'm having a serious problem here. Not a "ha ha that's funny" sort of problem. A real problem that needs a parent. Be one, OK?"

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say maybe they are distracted, or trying to let you build up independence or something. But seriously, a kid I never MET before could say the above to me, and I'd help. Imagine what a PARENT would do.

Just be honest and sincere. Lay it out, demand that they listen, and get involved in helping you deal.

If that doesn't work, email me, and I'll do what I can advice wise.

Answer 4

I am proud that you stood up to your friends at school over pot hon!
I did the same thing when I was your age and I got laughed at and made fun of, but I see where the pot heads are today.Living in their friends abandoned leaky mobile homes without power and/or water.
When I was 18, a friend of mine who was a hevay partier said he wanted to talk to me(it was at work before the shift began) he told me he admired me for standing up for what I believed in and he wished he was more like me.This blew me away because HE was the "popular guy" had the looks the personality and everyone loved him!
I told him he could quit drugs, he said "I can't I'm hooked..."
Your parents love you hon, they just trust that since your grades are ok and all, that everything is ok.
Start counting your blessings,dont dwell on the bad.Visit church and make friends with people who dont do drugs and stuff.You can make good friends there who enjoy doing things like skating bowling , they have things for teenagers etc etc.The United Pentecostal Churches are great ,look one up in your phones yellow pages under churches, give them a call, you can also talk to the pastor about your problems and he can help.JESUS loves you,no matter who else does or doesnt HE does!Tell your parents if they still wont listen talk to your school counselor and they will help get your parents attention.Sometimes we parents have to get a wake up call.

Answer 5

I think mgnavado hit the nail right on the head... I believe, even with your brother's life casting shadows on you, you're parents do love you, hun. I've walked your path (only back then we didn't have Y!Answers) and I didn't ask anyone for help. Like you, I wore the mask to hide it from everyone. It's hard, right now, for you to care that you will fall into a long-lasting pattern of this lifestyle if you don't get help now.

I truly believe that writing a letter to your parents is the best solution. You've tried verbalizing, which they dismissed. Written word is black & white, right in front of them. Plus, it takes time and some organization to write a letter. Not only will this help you to get a lot out of your head/off your chest but it will also show your mom and dad that this IS serious.

Time is running out for you to prevent this from affecting your adult life. If communicating this problem to your parents falls through, please contact someone who can & will help... 1-800-HOPELINE

Additionally, feel free to e-mail or IM me if you need urgently someone to talk to. I know, from being in your shoes, that it's not usually what you feel like doing but that sometimes it makes all the difference in the world!

Good luck, hun, and take care of yourself...
Kris S.
-Bourbonnais, IL

P.S. Kudos for turning down the weed, gf! You rock!

Answer 6

You've got to let them know. They might be afraid to hear it. They might not know what to do at first. They're only human, too & like things to go smoothly. They might pretend it's not happening, at first. They might wish it was different & hope that their wishes & pretending can make it go away. But, they love you. And, if you're patient, keep trying, they'll soon accept it & start trying to help.

You might want to communicate with them in writing. That gives them time to process what you're saying & choose their words in return. It gives you time to come up with exactly the right words, too. Grab an unused spiral notebook & write 'SmallTownGirl & Mom's Journal' on the front of it. Then, write your mom a note on the front page. Ask her to write back on the next page. This way the two of you can start a thoughtful dialogue with each other, in a way that feels safe & careful.

Good luck - keep on exploring, growing & learning. Life has so many twists & turns in it, try to enjoy & anticipate each moment.

Answer 7

I would definatly want for my daughter to tell me but I don't think she would-just like you I think she would feel like she's letting me down...BUT you have got to understand that as a parent MY child could NEVER let me down from an emotion she had no control over feeling!! if you are depressed PLEASE tell your parents write them a letter,something. Depression can get so out of hand if not handled properly...Just tell them everything even how worried you are about telling them tell them everything & begin from the start!!!! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 8

What if you said "Mom, Dad, would you consider letting me go to boarding school. I'm really unhappy and depressed. I don't have any friends, no extra-curricular activities and I feel very forgotten? If not, please consider letting me see a psychologist."

In the meantime, you sound like a great kid. That was so brave of you to stand up to those kids and say no. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have my thoughts & prayers, sweetie. Take care.

Answer 9

Please don't be afraid to tell them. They're your parents and I'm sure they love you like crazy and will want to help you. Be very firm about this being serious and you need help with this. If they won't listen how about a doctor or a religious person in your life since there are no councilors available. Don't wait because this sounds serious. Good luck

Answer 10

feel your pain. You need to get both of them together and try to tell them. If they act like their not interested try talking to them one at a time. If my daughter was still 14 and she had that same problem I would want her to talk to me. Your parents blowing it off the fist time just might do it again but you should try. Have a nice day. I feel for you and I hope it works.