My father and I have not had a very good relationship over the past many years, but I have tried to let him have a relationship with my children. However, this past spring my son argued with me, and my father intervened by shoving him, putting his hands around his neck, and screaming in his face. I told him he must apologize for that ridiculous behavior that was less mature than my teenager's. He refuses, therefore I refuse to let him visit my house. He says he was defending me and has nothing to apologize for. Do you think this is something I should backdown on or should he grow up and own up to his mean behavior?
2007-11-29 12:53:26 · 10 answers · asked by wawawebis 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stand up for your son. It isn't your father or mother's place to disipline your children unless asked by you. And he used brute force at that.
Stand by your child, yes he was misbehaving but your father went above and beyond his role as grandparent.
2007-11-29 12:59:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can see both sides of this. A lot if your father’s behavior, I have a feeling, would be based on the type of argument you and your son were having (and how aggressive your father viewed your son as being.)
Granted teens have a lot of stubbornness and will argue with parents all the time (we have all done that), but there is a line that a teen should never cross and still be respectful of what the parent says.
Your father may have really though you son was being overly aggressive and going to harm you, thus he stepped in.
You didn’t say what happened to lead up to him taking on your son, while your dad may have gone too far or got too aggressive himself, his actions might not be totally unjustified.
I think the best option would be to forgive your dad, but not forget what happened (there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting). Plus I think you need to make sure your son understands that he should not be aggressively arguing with you once you have made a decision about something even if he does not agree with your choice.
Such things are never easy to resolve as there are usually mistakes that have been made by everyone involved. And all need to take responsibility for what they did.
I wish you the best of luck with the situation.
May Our Creator bless and watch over you and your family.
2007-11-29 21:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by jerrys1960 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but if you forgive him just because he's your father, then what message are you sending to your son? A) It's okay for a man to be physically violent and put his hands on people to solve problems or B) standing up for him isn't as important to you. I know that last one might sound immature, but that can be the perception of teenagers.
I have an alcoholic father who used to be abusive and it has taken many years for me to come to terms with him and his disease...but if he ever touched my daughter, that would be that. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse that makes his behavior okay.
2007-11-29 21:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by lissakeet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is not acceptable behavior at all i would recomend spending as little time as possible with him.
He is your father and if you want to have a relationship with him than you have that right, but i sounds to me like your relationship is not very good and you aren't planning to change that for what ever reasons you may have.
He doesn't need to have a relationship with your children and they don't need one with him.
If he is truely a decent man and geniunely apologizes than you could consider giving him another chance but one more outburst like that, even if he thinks he is doing the right thing, and you need to stop contact between him and your chidren.
2007-11-29 21:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do,dont back down.Yeah,it was just a little shoving and roughness this time.However,if you don't stop it now,it could be worse the next time.There is absolutely no reason for your father to lay his hands on anyone like that.I would accept a half attempt to apologize,but I would also make sure that he knows under no circumstances is it acceptable for him to do that again.
2007-11-29 21:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by sacred_hart_99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to know what your son did to you that made your dad go nuts,Remember YOU are his daughter and he is NOT going to stand by and let anyone even his grandson mistreat you.I hope your son knows enough to not ever treat you like that around your dad again.You should apologize to your dad,you are in the wrong.
Im curious as to what your kid did,sounds like you lost control of him at any rate.
2007-11-29 21:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father is wrong. You are grown and have a child of your own.
If your father wishes to give advise then that is just what it should be, advise.
If you choose not to take his advise and he wants to act like some kind of Neanderthal, then keep him away from your son.
2007-11-29 21:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by gail s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2007-11-29 23:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon' if my father ever put his hands on my kid like that I would break our connection forever.
I think you might want to talk to him about it more calmy, and ask your kid, if he did anything to upset your father. Then ask your father if your kid did anything to upset him.
How he physically TRIED to hurt your son, sounds very very very wrong. I'm sorry but if he doesn't want to apoligize for his behavior, thats just plain rude, and mean.
2007-11-29 20:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father was out of line. If having a relationship with him is important to you, then work on it. If it's not, then it doesn't matter.
2007-11-29 20:59:40 · answer #10 · answered by beez 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋