anyone with my same parenting style?

Question

well im not a mom yet but i have strong beliefs about it. i feel spanking is wrong and lazy and hypocritical, i believe boundaries are very important and its wrong to spoil a child but they are people too and their feelings matter and they should also be treated with respect as much as you expect it, and that you shouldn't judge your child for their orientation or any other reason that you should love them unconditionally, and that being affectionate with your children is very important. i also feel that one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to feed them healthily from the beginning, even if you can't.

i believe in positive time out, i think yelling is wrong, but i also think letting your children run the show is incredibly harmful for them.

anyone agree?

Answer 1

I felt the same before I had kids.

I dont now i have them...............

Answer 2

How can I say this gently?

There's the parent philosophy that we *think* we have, and then the one that actually comes to the fore once our child is in our arms.

None of the things you've said are particularly controversial, and they're all good aspirations. But in the rush and push of real life, sometimes you do feed your kid a McNugget or lose your cool and shout. Some days, you've got it all under control and some days the pitter patter of little feet are walkin' all over you.

It's easy to say I'd never spank, I'd never yell, we'll eat our broccoli every night when your kids are hypothetical.

My personal favorite? I'll never let my kids watch TV. That's the kind of thing that's easy to say until the rain is pouring down and you can't possibly sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star one more time and you really need to take a shower and ... well, you get the idea.

I'm not saying you should aim high, I'm just saying don't feel too bad if (when) you fall short. It's a tough job!

Answer 3

all nice in theory but wait till the kids have fought non stop allday, they are talking back, keep doing the oposite of what you ask and swearing( not talking about my kids here just kids I know)......I think you may think different. I use a smack as the last resort after trying everything. In general I use time out all the time and it works. But I do yell now and then becasue when i have asked a child to do something 10 times a yell makes them jump up and do it.
Totally agree on it all though and i try to raise my kids that way but you do have your bad days and just forgive yourself when you break out of this method of parenting you want. Kids do deserve respect because how can you expect it back if you don't give it. Feed healthy with the occasional treats or they gorge when they finally get it. Little treats now and then stop that

Answer 4

Ok it's wonderful that you have these views now, yet you do not have any kids. Have a couple and then get back to me. I am sure your views will change. Yes I do agree with the affection and unconditional love, but that all comes naturally being a mother. As for the healthy food...well it seems like it is should be an easy choice, and I am so sorry many parents do not feed their children a healthy diet, and our (US) population full of obesity proves it. I have been a daycare provider and a mother to 3 and time out never did anything for any of the kids I used it with.

Answer 5

I agree with some of what your PLAN to do when you have a child. But when you have 3 kids trying to kill each other while your making dinner and talking on the phone and washing up all at the same time, i'D like to see how long the no yelling lasts!!

Answer 6

Yes I do agree with everything you said but one and I need to add one. I don't think all yelling is so horrible I think some is just natural. If your kid runs into a parking lot yelling at them may just be what comes natural to you and it can get their attention. If you are seeing your child doing something that is dangerous a yell might just pull their attention away long enough for you to save them.
It is a good thing to show your emotions to your children even anger so they know they are normal feelings. Now constant yelling that I agree is a bad thing.

I believe parents screw up from time to time and believe it or not this is also a good thing. I believe showing our children that we are sorry for our wrongs. And then asking forgiveness teaches them compassion, forgiveness and that mom is a real live human being imperfections and all. It shows them that they are allowed to mess up.

I don't know about you but I have learned much more from my screw ups than when I did it perfect.

Answer 7

I agree on everything but the no spanking thing. Amen to the poster above me.
"Spare the rod, spoil the child." I was spanked as a kid and I didn't feel the way you describe- I'm better for it. But, yeah, everything else is great and true =)

Answer 8

lol

My dad's more like the yell yell yell yell yell yell yell type....

My mom's more calm....

But... They raised us well.

I love my dad. By being tough it taguht us not to be total brats. we never got spanked, but we got yelled at! and we turned out to be decent kids.

They love us so much... my mom and dad are always there for us, going to all my volleyball games, hugging me, loving me.

I think that they did a very good favor for me in the long run on how they disiplined.

Answer 9

Nope. Don't agree at all. But that doesn't mean I'm going to call you "lazy and hypocritical" simply because I don't share your beliefs.

It is quite obvious you're not a parent yet, by the way. "Positive time out..." lmao. Sometimes kids NEED a shock to let them know they are doing something completely unacceptable that you won't stand for. Try reasoning with a 2 yr old when you get there... you simply can't.

Answer 10

Yes I agree with showing them love patience kindness understanding.
However , spanking ,is it really as evil as you say?
Ok without taking the kid to the doctors and having him put on a lot of "mind control drugs", how would you deal with a kid that when you disciplined him by
1, time out, he gets out of he/she place and refuses to stay in it and he/she talks back to you and knows you will not use physical force.
2.doesnt do as they are told because they know you wont make them, although you could.
3.Doesnt care what you "take away" they can sneak out and go play down the street ata friends while you think they are thinking things over in their room.
4.Lies to get out of "time out" or have a privilege taken away.
5learns violence without being spanked and hits you and when they dont get their way.
I have seen this in kids(some 2 or younger and think about when they hit 15!).Some of them ARE smart enough to know that when there is no physical threat or use of force to MAKE them behave they can OVER RULE the weak parents.The "Educated" do not like to admit this because it proves their discipline is not 100% effective 100% of the time.
As far as unconditional love,thats one thing, unconditional acceptance of bad behavior is another.You judge people who spank as wrong and/or bad, that makes YOU judgmental.
If your kid brought meth into your house and set up a lab, would you unconditionally allow him to continue without "judging him" by saying something negative about his activity which he loves?
What form of discipline to the Amish use and how many of their kids are in prison vs. the rest of our nation's population.
That should tell you something.

Answer 11

i was going to say that though i agree with much of what you say, you're going to get slammed for saying it without first seeing how hard it is. but you've probably got that by now. :-) just because it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong. i strive to raise my children largely as you've described, but i can't say i've never yelled in the heat of the moment.... you do your best!