it's quarter to one am and my boyfriend's still out, drunk, with no signs of wanting to come home?

Question

i called him half an hour ago, and all he could work up is, "i'm having a good time, i'm with richard, we're in the middle of nowhere".

i feel like spitting.

he hasn't been out in a while (he's been 'good', and we've been working on this!), but i hate it when he does go out... he has a drink problem. has got into fights in my presence, i have no idea what happens when i'm not there.

tonight i am feeling fed up...

we have been working on it, like i say. i just feel sick about it, at the moment, though...

thanks to all for your home truths, and your experiences - so many of you are very clever and kind (i'd started listing names, but it got too long).

it's twenty past one and i haven't heard from him yet, but i'm not going to cry (again), or try to steer him home with texts. i'm letting him drift home on his own drunken whim and i am going to try to read a book.

tomorrow i'll come back and read your wise words again, and have a think. thank you.

Answer 1

Though it sucks being in the middle of one of these nights - it's the WAITING (and WONDERING) that is killer - how do things usually turn out when the night is over???

Does he just stumble home drunk? Or does he bring his drinking buddies with him?

How often does he get into fights - and are the serious, or is he just beating up his buddies/mates???

These are the sort of things that the two of you need to go over - when he's sober... You mentioned that you have been working on this - perhaps he is just the type of guy who needs to go out and lose himself for a night...

As long as he only goes out once in a blue moon, doesn't do anything that will get him arrested (or put into the hospital), and has NO interaction with other women - then perhaps a comprimise (where he gets to have one of these nights a month in exchange for whatever it is you want in return) might work out!

But if he's NOT willing to change his ways - then it might be time to consider moving on...

I know that this is NOT what you are looking for - and it might seem like the EASY way out - but if a person is NOT willing to change, then he's going to be like this for the rest of his short life!


Getting back to getting through tonight - you need to find something to take your mind off your boyfriend's selfish actions... Perhaps you could keep yourself busy answering other people's questions - and keep your mind occupied...

Works for me when I want to start choking people here at work - like I feel like doing most days (tonight included) ;););););)

Answer 2

You may just have to move on unless you're willing to put up living with a drunk for the rest of your life....because he may never change.

On the other hand, you seem to be keeping him on a pretty short leash. Is this his first time out of the dog-house in awhile? (Maybe he is just letting his hair down.) He needs better friends who will help him keep from getting totally smashed. It's OK to drink socially, but to get hammered is just immature and ...expensive if you get arrested!
I know, my friend was busted for a DUI: He argued with the cops. Refused the Blood Alcohol Test ( in California that is an Automatic-Go-Straight-To-Jail-Card). He ended up paying a lawyer big bucks, AND.....he still had to do community service to avoid losing his license.

Orange Vests are so becoming!! Doesn't everyone want to spend their Saturday's picking up trash along the highway in an orange outfit?

I don't think so......NOT!

Answer 3

Well, you have to decide for yourself. There is nothing wrong with going out with a friend and getting trashed, every great once in a while. If you cut that off, he will resent it. You are not his mother. If you can't trust him, that is a different story. If he has a history of cheating, you can bet that sooner or later he will again, if out drinking with the guys. Thus my answer is, examine your situation carefully, and decide if he is the right guy for you. If you can trust him, deal with it, and let him know exactly how you feel. If not, get the next guy.

Answer 4

I feel for you. my husband is the same way. fortunately, he has gotten better about it this past year. all i can say is that if you stay with him nothing will ever change. sure, some weeks/months may be better than others, but the drinking problem will always exist and rear its ugly head. i've had to bail my husband out of jail, we can't vacation together because all he wants to do is drink to have fun (including my miserable time on our honeymoon in mexico!), he's lied about being out at bars when he's told me he's going to be somewhere else, we've gotten into physical fights, etc, etc... So, heed the big red warning flag that's flying in your face! Think you're mad at him now?! Wait till you have to deal with this more and more. I'm sure you love him, but if you don't have any intentions on marrying him, then leave!! And if you have thought about marriage...girl, you better think twice!!

Answer 5

the best thing you could do is just wait till the morning and bring it up everyone needs space and it shows that your not immature if you allow that to him. in the morning take him a coffee and some toast or whatever and sit next to him and just explain that your warey about his drinking and it scares you. depending on what type of guy he is this should get to him. if he realises that it scares you then hopefully he'll make a change. you may need to walk away from petty arguments, just for the purpose of showing him how it affects you. if none of this works it may be time to reconsider the whole relationship with this guy...thats it!

written by a guy just so you know!

Answer 6

It's certainly a red flag. If you want to deal with it, stick around. If not, you can leave. And that's about it, because people don't change unless they want to...and it doesn't sound like he does.

You are actually teaching him a great lesson by leaving (or somehow laying down the law). Otherwise, how is he going to learn?

Good luck!!

Answer 7

Everyone has a sh*& level. Maybe you have reached yours. Only you know how much of his crap you're willing to take. Me personally, I would NOT deal with this.
My best friend has the same issue with her man and I have seen her hurt and upset for 4 years and still she somehow thinks it's going to get better. It's NOT. I can't make her move on and it's the same with you....you have to hit that point of knowing you are better and deserve MORE!

Answer 8

yeah that sucks....he'll come home to you eventually or end up in jail...which ever the alcohol dictates he do....maybe he has made progress with the drinking but allowing him out is allowing a relapse...they say alcoholics can never drink again, not a single drink. that's aa's philosophy.

Answer 9

if u really love him do the best u can to keep him.dont worry about it i believe hes okay,but u need to keep talking to him about his drinking,tell him how much u love him,make him start thinking what he doing to u and to hisself,tell him his drinking problem might lose u and u dont want that to happen,just do the best u can for he wont mess the good relationship that he has

Answer 10

his sense of adventure I guess - I have those moments myself, But I always make sure I let my other half know what I am doing and where I am.. but yeah staying out late at times is great fun.. not for you though - if you are waiting..