For those of us who don't really enjoy dating at this age (let's say, anyone in their thirties), sometimes it gets tricky. People have kids, divorces ... all kinds of baggage. When, if ever, do you allow yourself to "settle"? I am starting to think that I would rather not date than date someone I would not normally date just because I am getting older. But it is hard, with family members asking stupid questions like, "Don't you WANT kids?" (Uggh.) My friends tell me I'm picky, but I don't think so. For starters, he has to be emotionally and physically healthy; not have a bunch of kids; have a good career; be responsible, reliable and trustworthy; keeps his word; has integrity, loves God and what I find attractive. My friends insist that I will be single if I continue to be picky. Should I believe them?
2007-11-29 11:42:50 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would never settle but to be honest there is actually no way of knowing that you have 'settled'. You will just think that the right person came into your life and that's how you should view it if it does happen in the future otherwise every guy you meet you will be asking yourself 'am I settling for this guy or do I really love him?' and that is no way to go through life or your next relationship. I am almost thinking the same thing. I often ask myself now when I see a woman showing interest in me 'is she settling for me or is does she really like me?'.
I don't think that is being picky you just want someone who you can have some similar interests with. If you never find someone then it was never meant to be and just be happy that way. If it helps I have been getting pressure from my family since I was 15 (I'm 29 now). Although they might think it was joking it has been weighting on me for a long time now.
2007-11-29 11:56:58 · answer #1 · answered by not_moes_cousin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all never lower your standards no matter the situation. Settling leads to settlements (divorce settlements). You should be open to letting people in, but never compromise what you feel like you need in a partner. You need to cut yourself some slack, would you rather buy two pairs of horrible shoes that are half off or wait one fabulous pair that you love? I say hold out for a good one, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
2007-11-29 11:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I settled at 27...biggest mistake of my life! Second biggest mistake was nearly settling again at 40...thank God I woke up to what I was doing before I made a bigger mistake. The way I see it now, I will NEVER be old enough to settle!
Shortly after that relationship ended, Sugarland came out with a song "Settlin'"...it became my theme song. In case you haven't heard it, the chorus goes like this...
I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything!
If you haven't heard the song, the video is available on Yahoo! Videos!
2007-11-29 13:53:30 · answer #3 · answered by KAL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being picky, you're being cautious which I think is a good thing when emotions are involved. I'm 24 and for a while I thought I was ready to settle down but now I plan on waiting ten more years.
2007-11-29 11:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by Pretty Woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really have an answer for you but I wanted to let you know I feel the same way. I'm 28 and i rarely date because it's rare that a guy meets my expectations. It sucks. And I'm beginning to wonder the same thing...should I settle? I just have too little patience to settle. I kind of prefer to be alone than to be with someone who's a disappointment. I feel like my roommate has settled with her boyfriend and every time I hang out with him I say to myself "i rather be alone!" I'm determined there is someone out there for me, i just haven't met him yet. Hopefully that's true!
2007-11-29 11:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by katiebeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no age for it and you shouldnot give into peer pressures.
I thought I was unable / unwilling to settle until I met my (now) wife in my late 20's
children still urghh though.. but hous cats and a wife.. I must be pretty settled now - (8 years of relationship will settle anyone I guess) - I am actually saving up for a pension aswel.
just wait until YOU feel like settling
2007-11-29 11:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by Jungleboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
92
so what if you're picky....it is YOU that have to live with that someone forever...I will say, however, that I was very picky and, upon meeting my hubby, I was not interested at all. I gave him my number and kinda hoped he wouldn't call, but he did and we had so much in common. If I had just left it up to what I thought I liked, I wouldn't have found such a wonderful man!!
6 years and counting!!
good luck!!
2007-11-29 11:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't lower your standards for anyone. Eventually the right guy will come along and everything will fall into place. Failing that, have you ever considered a career in a nunnery? ;p
2007-11-29 12:05:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! Your expectations are not unreasonable. If you settle, you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you hadn't.
2007-11-29 11:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by god_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
30 to start looking, may be single my whole life, i'd just go with the flow of life, no need to try to map it out.
2007-11-29 11:46:18 · answer #10 · answered by navyseal2101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋