At a younger age that was all fine and dandy, but now I'm in my mid 40's I have taken a different approch. There is this "one" that I have told I want to get to know better. I enjoy her company everytime we are together. We are not dating exclusively, I have found out that she has slept with someone since dating. She also knows that I know but we haven't talked about it. I have since distanced myself from her. She now calls and says she misses me. Is she worth the effort?
2007-11-29 10:19:44 · 50 answers · asked by david 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Only you can answer that question. But my opinion would be that you might not be able to trust her and that will not bode well for a lasting relationship.
2007-11-29 10:23:00 · answer #1 · answered by Frosty 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
By not dating exclusively you have told each other that neither of you is sure what you want at this point. Her having sex with another is just her exploring, the same way you would be by dating another woman. Sitting there and being hurt by her exploring is the same thing as if you had wanted her to be exclusive while you are not. You have not fully committed to her therefore you shouldn't be upset. The sad thing is... since you are so hurt by it... you were obviously ready to commit to her but you have not let her know it.
Be careful with the selfishness man, it'll only hurt you. Consider her feelings carefully and take a damn risk for her man.... isn't she worth it?
2007-11-29 10:50:56 · answer #2 · answered by bo75007 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most definitely.
Hey I'm only 28 but I can offer my tuppence-worth.
She may have slept with someone else because she's seeking a man who is a 'sexual threat'. There is nothing wrong with that for a woman.
It's awesome that you've found a woman who you really like, I would say spend time with her and lead her through the 'stages', let it develop, build the attraction and DON'T BE AFRAID OF HAVING SEX WITH HER. I think you're doing the right thing, I'm just concerned you may be being to 'respectful' in the 'overly-respectful' way that can turn women off. Maybe she likes to know that you're a sexually-aware man who is not afraid or inhibited about his own sexuality and urges. Good luck friend and I would say she's definitely worth the effort.
2007-11-29 10:28:17 · answer #3 · answered by anonymouse 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion she didn't do anything wrong if you're not dating exclusively, now if you were then I think she would be untrustworthy. I think that maybe you two need to sit down and have a talk about where you stand with each other. If you still feel that you want to get to know her better then maybe you should let her know that you would like to take the relationship a step father. What ever you decide I wish you luck.
PS I forgot to tell you I'm in my 50's and if I were dating I would have to have a comment to stay with just one guy.
2007-11-29 10:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say that if you are not dating exclusively, she didn't do anything wrong, because you had the same option. If you enjoy being with her and the feeling is mutual for her, you would be foolish to turn your back on her now. Keep the relationship going and see where it leads. If you are right for each other, then time will tell the story. If you decide to get serious after reasonable period of time, discus it with her and see if she is ready to commit. What is in the past should stay in the past from that point on.
2007-11-29 10:36:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are not dating "exclusively" as you say, then it seems to be a free world. If your relationship was more concrete, as far as being a "couple", then you might think twice about this woman. You need to be open and honest with each other to create a positive history to start. If there are certain things you cannot communicate about re: her seeing this other person, then it is time to put your cards on the table. She is obviously interested in you, distancing yourself is sending her confusing messages. Be upfront, and you may be in for a very wonderful relationship.
2007-11-29 10:27:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Man, this will probably just turn into a "you dont need her" speech, but alls that matters is when your happy. If you feel happy around her then she's worth it, if not find another woman, there are plenty out there. From experience- when a girl calls and says she misses you it normally indicates that A) she really has been thinkin about you or B) she's bored with her current life and needs someone in it.
Hope this helped...
2007-11-29 10:26:33 · answer #7 · answered by Dip 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, did she know that you were both "exclusive"...that's very important. If she just thinks you're "F" buddies then you know where the relationship stands. I don't think I'd sleep with someone again who I know for a fact is skankin' around behind my back for sure...she could be having unprotected sex and that's not good for anyone. Also, she just doesn't seem to care about you...she's doing things that are just plain wrong if you're in a committed relationship with someone. I think in all honesty, this has a few red flags, just based on what you've said...it seems like she's on a whole 'nother track than you. Also looks like you and her are not communicating with each other effectively. These seem somewhat trivial right now but in the long run it's going to make for a Hellacious relationship with her. I think next time she calls, you ought to lay it on the line and tell her that you've decided to move on and she should too. You might be a really nice guy and all, which is why she is calling you, but there's a difference between "welcome" and "welcome mat" if you get my drift. Kick her to the curb and be done with it; there are too many "good ones" out there, and there is a good match for you...this one is NOT IT.
2007-11-29 10:29:04 · answer #8 · answered by sj2nj6069 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Anything is worth a try. She might be but you will never know unless you try. Tell her how you feel and talk about being exclusive see what she has to say. If that doesn't work go with what you know does.
2007-11-29 10:24:15 · answer #9 · answered by craig7_21040 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You weren't really dating exclusively, so it's not like she was unfaithful to you because you were not in a committed relationship.
Only you can answer that question if she's worth it. If your truly do like her, tell her that you want to date exclusively. If she doesn't want to do that, then you'll know that she's just playing the field.
2007-11-29 10:26:22 · answer #10 · answered by Irma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At a younger age that was all fine and dandy, screw first, see if we're compatible later [ she has slept with someone since dating ]
"Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young."
Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices."
Webster's definition of "fornication" is "sexual intercourse between unmarried people." For Christians, sexual intercourse is only to take place within the context of the sacrament of marriage. Any type of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is a sin no matter what the circumstances. The primary purpose of sex is to pro-create. There is no other primary reason for it. It is not exclusively for "pleasure." God made sex pleasurable so the human race would not "die out." The expression of "love" for your spouse is secondary to the creation of another human being.
2007-11-29 10:32:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋