I'm very upset by stories I've heard of people bringing uninvited friends, dates, etc to a wedding. Sometimes I wonder whether they just don't understand how RSVPs work and what's appropriate for a wedding (which is a personal event to be shared only with loved ones) versus a backyard BBQ. Even very reasonable people have been known to bring unexpected and uninvited guests.
In any case, I have been toying with the idea of making my own invites and I was thinking about personalizing the RSVP cards. Essentially, I would write in the names of the invitees and just ask them to check "Attending" or "Regrets" so that there is no possibility of them being confused about the "# of Guests" line or thinking they can add more names in.
Would that come off as snooty or patronizing? Or would people just like the fact that I've simplified the process for them and not notice that it sent the subtle message that strangers were not welcome?
2007-11-29 09:28:23 · 27 answers · asked by weirdiscomplimentary 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For clarity because someone was confused...
I would have two boxes next to each name -- one for "Attending" and another for "Regrets". For example, if a couple didn't want to bring their child, they would check the "Attending" boxes for themselves and the "Regrets" box for their child.
2007-11-29 10:05:20 · update #1
I think that is a wise decision. People need to realize that RSVP is there for a reason.
2007-11-29 09:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I like your idea, I just worry that those people who aren't familiar with it may still think they can bring their 2 kids, Aunt Suzie and Grandma. They may show up and without you having an official "head count" you won't have a clue what is about to happen on your wedding day. It may not look so great, but what if you had a column for total attending guest on the rsvp card? Maybe on each one you can put _ out of 2 guests (or whatever that number of people each invitation is for) and they can fill in the line.
I think for any guest who might show up with a few extra guest this is worth having on your rsvp cards especially if you are worried it might happen. if anyone doesn't like that you did that then maybe you have have the bridal party and close family spread the word that you had a budget and were sticking to it, also you wanted it to be an intimate event.
good luck...let us know what you do decide.
2007-11-29 20:14:23 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wrote the names of the people invited on the RSVP cards and they crossed off whether they would attend or not, it worked perfectly and there was no confusion. By the way not all BBQ receptions are "backyard" or nasty, don't be too judgemental, we had a gorgeous private home, landscaped garden and a fine dining BBQ cooked by a chef that has worked in a Michelin star restuarant, it can be just as classy as the more formal sit down meal, and perfectly appropriate for a wedding.
2007-11-30 03:11:23 · answer #3 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a good idea to me. I just took a course on invitation etiquette and there wasn't anything about the RSVP card in it that would indicate doing this is a faux pas!
It does make it easier too, I think sometimes people just don't understand how the invitations work. Some people feel like they have to bring a date, so it make take the pressure off for some.
Good luck!
2007-11-29 20:22:28 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your idea is good...but that doesn't mean that they won't still bring a date. You need to spread the word amongst family and friends that the person/s whose names are on the invites are the only ones invited - no additional guests. Otherwise you still risk having people come who weren't invited.
People assume they can bring a guest because its "tradition" to be allowed to bring a plus one, regardless of whether the invite says you may or not. Its a slow dying tradition. Be sure that everyone is perfectly clear about what you want.
2007-11-29 17:35:12 · answer #5 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm doing exactly the same thing! We're making our invitations (okay, I'm making them, he said "they look great"!), and it's very easy to personalize the reply card with a mail merge to do exactly as you've outlined. I think some people don't realize that only those specifically invited should come, and this gives a clear message about who is invited to come. It's also easier for you to do place cards. You're more thoughtful than I--it never occurred to me that it might come off as snooty or patronizing, but I think I can live with it if anyone is mildly offended!.
2007-11-29 17:55:20 · answer #6 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a good idea, as long as there is a way for only one of the people to say they are attending. That's why there's usually a place for "Number attending" because the invite is for more than one person, not so people can write other guests in.
Edit: From what you added, that sounds like a great idea. I used generic, pre-printed RSVP cards, and people wrote all over them: "Aunt Elicia isn't coming because of her bridge tournament" etc.
2007-11-29 17:38:37 · answer #7 · answered by smartsassysabrina 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You should be very clear on the addressing of the invitation. Mr and Mrs. Smith or Ms. Jane Smith and Guest or just Ms. Jane Smith if you don't want someone bringing a guest. I wouldn't fill in the number of people yourself, that is rude. I had a guest at my wedding bring his grandmother because he had to, she need a caregiver with her at all times. If you don't think someone is responsible enough not to invite a lot of uninvited guests, don't invite that person.
This is what I did on my reply cards:
Mr. __________________
____ Accept ____ Regret
No. Of Guests: ____
As for the children, one wedding we were invited to recently said at the bottom of their invitation "although we love children, we respectfully request that this event is adult only."
2007-11-29 19:53:33 · answer #8 · answered by Aimee M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't have a problem with that, and I hope that it works for you. Some people have no social grace, and there's always the possibility of someone showing up with an uninvited guest. Really not much that you can do about it, unfortunately.
2007-11-29 17:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jamir 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you do, there will be people who bring uninvited guest and there will be some who RSVP and will not show up. It usually all works out.
Good luck!
2007-11-29 21:58:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a good idea. I didn't have any problems with people bringing uninvited friends though... Well, I invited my boss and his girlfriend (both whom work where I did...) and my boss had to work so his girlfriend came and brought one of her best friends. That was fine with me, considering I had counted them as '2' anyhow...
2007-12-03 13:54:08 · answer #11 · answered by The Mrs. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋