As her older sister, I am pissed. She is going to have her dorm roomate and friends of college in it instead. I am so embarrassed, I don't even want to show up. She wants my kids to be the flower girl and ring bearer. I feel like everyone will be looking at me funny as to why I am not in the wedding. I don't want to go and I don't want my kids involved. Am I right to feel this way?
2007-11-29 08:56:16 · 25 answers · asked by Brooke9767 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Nope. If you don't go then people will talk, besides grow up, just because you are family does not give you the right to assume that you will be in the wedding party. You are acting in mature, you are making this all about you, and it should be about her. Be gracious and dignified and you will come out on top.
2007-11-29 09:02:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 1⤋
I find some of these answers are a bit over the top...
I completely understand how you feel. My sister got married and she had a room mate she had known for mere months as her maid of honor, whereas I was not involved in any way (despite providing her with a lot of financial assistance and moral support throughout the years). I was offended by this and she knew it and didnt seem to care. Then she got divorced and awhile later remarried. Again, not part of anything, although I was the one she gushed to for hours and supported her.
It is her day, so don't take this from your kids. But at the end of the day, its hard not to take this personally, as wedding parties are people closest to the bride and groom. She obviously thinks you guys have a more distant relationship then perhaps you might perceive or want. Dont think everyone will be looking at you funny. It is what it is.
2007-11-29 10:46:34 · answer #2 · answered by Juicy Fruit 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would anyone look at you funny? Your kids are in the wedding. Maybe your sister thought since they're your kids you can look after them during the ceremony. That's hard to do if you were in the wedding also.
Like others have said before me, it's time you grow up and be there for your sister. She's not obligated to put you in the wedding party. Maybe she thinks you'll get all self involved and only care about your feelings instead of supporting her...and judging from your question she really had your character pegged.
2007-11-29 09:24:15 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think I understand how you feel. The prob is a lot of things depend on your relationship w/ her throughout the years... maybe she just thinks you don't want to participate.
It is really difficult when u have to choose people in ur wedding bc/ u worry about everyone's feelings and like it or not there are limited spaces. I think you should talk to her about it but just gear it towards offering your help. Tell her- hey, I want u to know if there's anything u need help in Im here! Maybe she considers having ur kids as having u involved... after all u will be the director for their clothes and what they do in the wedding.
If you have a good relationship w ur sis I really doubt she's doing it to hurt u.. sometimes when ur in her shoes u tend to forget stuff since ur so self involved. I am sure she would be crushed if u didn't go to her wedding.
I think talking about it is the best thing to do.
Good luck!
2007-11-29 09:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, in a way she IS involving you by having your children in it. Perhaps she feels with the expense of getting a dress for your little girl and a tux/suit for your little boy that this was already asking a lot of you. If the two of you have been super close, then I can possibly understand your hurt feelings. But 6 years is a big difference and she has been away at college making friends.
Let her have her friends in it. Support her by attending and having your children be a part of her wedding.
2007-11-29 16:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pardon me for being blunt but,
Your sister's wedding is not all about you.
Everyone will be looking at your sister, not you.
It's her choice, not yours.
Suck it up and go to the wedding, because whether or not you go, whether or not you allow your kids to participate, she will get married. And either way you still wont be in the wedding party. At least be there for the family pictures.
If you go to the wedding none of the guests will question why you are not in the wedding party. But if you don't go at all, the guests WILL be wondering why you are not there. And they probably wont think it very kind of you not to attend, just childish.
Again, pardon me for being so blunt, but you asked.
Good Luck
$ )
2007-11-29 09:55:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. RJRG 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you have a sulk about this it'll ruin her day! It doesn't sound like you two are that close - I'm not having my brother in my wedding and I absolutely adore him, it's just that I want a small wedding. And your kids are involved, so as the mother of those two you have a huge responsibility, perhaps she thought that if you were also involved then your husband will be the gooseberry, plus it will be too hectic for you.
Just try to understand her - and remember that this is her day, not yours!
2007-11-29 09:12:24 · answer #7 · answered by floppity 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Funny, I went through the same thing, my sister got married 3 years ago, and me and her have always been close, she asked my daughter to be the flower girl, my son was the ring bearer, and she didn't ask me to be in it at all. She had her friend that she has barely known for 5 years to be her maid of honor. She tried to give an explanation which never understood. I did go, and I was embarrassed, but I didn't show it, I just didn't throw her her shower like I originally was going to. I told her I hoped her Maid of Honor had a big house because our family is huge! But since then, we disconnected, and she moved away, so we talk maybe once every couple of weeks!
2007-11-29 09:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by amy g 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
She probably just feels closer to them at this point in her life. I don't think she means it as an insult. After all, if she's wants your kids there, she obviously cares for you and your family.
I had a friend who did this, had friends instead of her sister and close relatives. A few years later she really regretted it, because she didn't really see those friends anymore. I can understand you are hurt. But please go and support your sister. You will regret it if you don't.
2007-11-30 06:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lilli 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how that can feel really offensive to you. I would be hurt if my sister didn't ask me to be in her wedding, too. Have you asked why she wants your kids in the wedding but not you? Do you two have a strained relationship at all? I'm sorry that happened, but maybe this is an opportunity to admire how wonderful your kids will look all fixed up.
2007-11-29 09:03:08 · answer #10 · answered by prissytwin 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is her wedding and its not like she's excluding you entirely - she wants your kids to participate!
I am planning on asking my future sis-in-law to be in my wedding and giving her the option that if she wants her daughter in the wedding instead then she can opt out and I'll have her daughter. I'll have one of them, not both, but I am leaving the choice up to her.
If you are close to your sister, perhaps you could ask her if she didn't want you in the wedding for a reason. Maybe her answer will be "i figured it would be too costly for you AND your kids".
2007-11-29 09:03:51 · answer #11 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋