I broke up with my ex twice, before asking him back. He didn't take me back because we are long distance, and we would just end up back where were were--unhappy.
Even though I have sobbed many times, I think I have finally and painfully accepted that we can never get back together again. However, I don't want to lose him in my life, which I know will happen because we live far apart. I'd rather have him in my life than not. Even when I broke up with him and when he broke up with me, he asked all those times, "We can still be friends though, right?"
Does he mean it? Or is he just saying that to be the "nice guy" and because he's supposed to? I don't want to intrude...
How long should I wait before attempting to be friends? Should I cut off all contact for some months?
2007-11-29 08:53:53 · 7 answers · asked by laconversacion 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Caution ahead: "still be friends" is rough terrain.
It sounds like you are not even close to over him. Though the "stay friends" idea is great in theory (believe me, I know what it is like to love someone you can't be with!), it's just an attempt to try and hold onto what you can't have in the end. It seems harmless, but it will keep you from moving on or hang over any new relationship you/he try to start.
It's EXTREMELY painful, and I feel for you. You have to give yourself/him breathing room to truly get over one another and only then, can you truly transition into the "friends" realm. This will take a lot of time and distance.
If you decide then to try the "friends" thing, do proceed with caution. For most, realistically, it will never truly happen. Most breakups don't happen because the love wasn't there; they happen because something in life didn't make being together happily possible. So every time that the two people are together, under the title of "friends" especially (because tenderness and caring will be allowed), they are only dangling an unobtainable carrot in front of their noses, reminded at least on some level what they lost. It can bring you back to where you started (into a doomed relationship) or just keep you from, once again, moving on.
Simply said, most of the time "just staying friends" with an ex isn't a question of "want," but rather, ability.
I wish you the best.
2007-11-29 09:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOOOK, I have a few friends that I have dated and what not and we are perfectly good friends now. Sometimes there is a twinge of jealousy (SOMETIMES), but that usually fades with time. On the other hand, someone I know is in the same boat as you- in this case I say cut things off completely. If you are seriously that upset a long distance friendship is not worth you getting uber upset every single time! Just move on. I know you think that you can't live with out him in your life at all, but you can. You lived before he was there, you will keep on livin' now... Good luck chica! I hope this helps!!
2007-11-29 17:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by Captin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest being friends with an ex can be dangerous,it means you will never properly get over him.Break all contact for a while and get back out there.When you are properly over him and have even found someone else,then you can contact him again.By then you might not even want to be friends again!
2007-11-29 17:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its nt good to be friends w/ ur ex. it doesn't allow u to be fully over him plus you'll always be somewhat tied to him. what will ur new bf do if u tell him that ur still friends w/ ur ex? it says to a guy that he's just the rebound effect or he's just keeping the seat warm for ur ex to come back or if u & the new bf have probs he might be worried that he could be on a short leash where u could go back to the ex for "comfort". it may be a future heaache w/ ur potential future bf's in the future.
stop talking to ur ex for awhile so u can properly move on from him. date & meet other people. its nt healthy hanging on to something that's already gone.
2007-11-29 17:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by conan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cut all the contacts with my ex..
I even change my # cus whenever u talk to him..
u'll get back all the feelings since u still love him...
it is better to stay away u r ready...
But if u see him somewhere, be confident and act like u're over him even if you don't.. u can never lose to ur ex!
2007-11-29 17:04:31 · answer #5 · answered by lilsweetiboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends if the guy has feelings 4 u like he sounds like he does than yeah he's sincere. Just give yourself all the time that u need to heal and then if u feel like u can talk to him without wanting to be with him you'll be okay.
2007-11-29 17:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be friends with him if you still feel something for him. Once you are completely un-attached to him and do not love him anymore. (make sure he feels the same) Then you can be friends.
2007-11-29 17:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by OverTheRainbow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋