Why are people so selfish when it comes to their weddings?

Question

Before anyone yells at me, I am a bride to be planning a wedding, so I'm aware of the difficult tasks that need to be done. But from my observations and experience, many people are rather selfish with an occassion that is supposed to be special and remembered by others as a beautiful event.

I understand that's it's our day and blah blah, but why would you really want to be remembered in a negative way? Such as with the people who ban children (their own relatives) or cameras (their guests have to buy the pictures then). I think it's really sad that sometimes, brides and grooms forget that their guests take time out of their busy schedules, pay money to travel to their wedding because they really want to be there, and then think they can get away with selfish behavior. Sad.

Weddings should be an event where you're remembered as "wow my cousin's wedding was so pretty, etc" not "I would have gone to her wedding, but she doesn't allow kids and I couldn't leave them with a babysitter."

And I understand that sometimes unfair demands are met on the bride and groom-- such as changing the date, location, church, # of guests but those things are between the bride and groom/or their families. I know a lot of people from other cultures would disagree, for instance I know girls who married in India and the US (and if you squabble about costs with Indian people, that's disrespectful) but hey, I'm Indian and I'd rather put aside my selfish wants than to have others remember my wedding day in disdain.

Am I the only one who thinks it's sad that weddings are overblown and become "me, me, me!" fests? From my understanding wedding are about sharing and allowing special people in your lives to witness the joining of two people who love each other. Or maybe I'm too romantic.

Um no sorry most of my post was NOT a rant about people banning children-- I used that as an example because a friend of mine doesn't want children at her wedding, and 1/2 of her relatives are under the age of 12. Her reasoning was "I don't want to hear any screaming." That's fine, but common courtesy would be to give a "gentle" reminder to everyone that if they need to leave to take a break, that's fine as long as there isn't a disturbance. I've been to weddings where a mom took her kid outside and gave him a good smack on the behind, and that took care of it!

And once again, brides wouldn't have anything to complain about if they just kept reasonable budgets. Since when was it necessary to pay an expensive caterer to feed people? (and then they complain about being in debt). All you need is a decent caterer and most people can't tell the difference between gourmet and "good" food. I'm just tired of seeing and being part of situations where brides/grooms think they have every right to go overboard, and then expect me to foot it as well. Common sense says to have a nice event, but why do brides and grooms complain about how expensive or difficult things are when they are the ones who put themselves in that situation?

Answer 1

thank you god! there is actually a bride-to-be who still has common sense, manners and consideration for others.
too many brides buy into the 'its your day' routine. i don't know when that started but it is one of the most unbecoming attitudes for a bride to have.
yes there are a ton of pressures on the happy couple, but, for the most part the pressures are over the top because the look-at-me-extravaganza wedding is over the top.
from the moment the engagement ring is put on that finger many girls turn into selfish brats and people allow them to get away with their tantrums, sulking, greediness, and shallow behaviour.
brides are telling guests what to wear, minimum dollar value of gifts to buy, dont bring your kids, and then saying guests are being difficult and they should be grateful they were invited - after all they are getting a free meal and dancing. free meal? many people have to take a day off to attend a wedding, some have to travel and pay for lodging, many have to pay for a babysitter, on top of the gift, probably a new outfit or shoes, etc.
as for kids at a wedding - i agree they shouldn't be around once the liquor starts to flow - but surely allowing them to attend the wedding and dinner isn't too much to ask. as for everyone's complaint about expensive meals for kids - i say this to every bride - you know how many kids are coming - ask your caterer to provide simple meals that kids like! whether it be a smaller version of the adults meal or something totally different - how difficult is it to figure that out? caterers can do it and do do it when asked. at least this way parents are able to attend the wedding, attend the dinner, and then they can choose whether to have a sitter pick the kids up or they can take them home and come back if they choose.
so i'm with you sweetie, weddings are supposed to be romantic and charming and sweet and family occassions. and lets keep in mind that all you really need for a wedding is the happy couple, a couple of wedding bands, the preacher and a licence. everything else is just icing on the cake!
i hope your wedding is all you want it to be, and you will still be the same sweet reasonable gal you are right now.

Answer 2

I agree with you about 90%. The concepts of "no cameras" and "it's your wedding, do what you want" are going too far.
However, I have to see both sides of the story with deciding about letting children attend.

I would love to have the kids at my wedding but I am looking at a historic home as the venue. I have about 3 cousins who do not keep their children in line. I am worried about the damage they can do, everything from writing on walls to breaking stained glass windows. I can not tell one family member that because their kids are well behaved that they can come but tell another that they must leave the kids at home.

We are currently looking at hiring 3 babysitters and having them go to the local party place that has inflatables so they can enjoy themselves and the parents can come and not feel guilty. Since we are keeping the wedding small, it will not be that expensive to send the kids somewhere else and the party place is only about 1 1/2 miles from the wedding.

Just trying to keep everyone happy is work but I think it will be worth it in the end.

Answer 3

well everyone gets their chance to have their wedding they way they want ..

yes there is some unfair demands that are made to suit certain people and somtimes it comes down so many demands may have been placed the bride and groom that they finally put their foot down in other areas where they have complete control

in short people don't have to attend a wedding if they don't want to they don't have to bring a gift. And some venues are not suitable for children.

and what works for one person doesnt work for another such is life.

Answer 4

I agree with a lot of what you said. I do think that the ceremony is about the couple, and it should be all about them. However, the reception is a party, and a party is given for the guests, so they are the first consideration, not the bride and groom.

I do disagree wtih you about children, though. At some types of receptions, it's fine to have children there, but formal night receptions, with expensive sit-down dinners, where alcohol is served, is not an appropriate setting for children. They get antsy and distracted and tired and cranky and they misbehave. You can't blame them--they're children so they act like children. That's workable in some reception settings, but not all. At a formal reception, it's more respectful of the guests to exclude the children, I think.

Answer 5

i'm with you, most of the way down the line. a wedding is a sharing, an invitation to witness a covenant being made-it is not or should not be allowed to become performance art.
if you want a wedding that'll make great vid, hire an audience and swing your peahen dos y dos.
this was best put by robert fulghum, "captain kindergarten" himself, author of the series of books beginning with "all i ever really needed to know i learned in kindergarten". a student of his (college student) asked if it was time for she and her boyfriend to get married. he asked her a series of questions, the last being where was home...the answer being wherever he was. he told her they were already married, now they just needed to throw a party and let everyone know-the party being the wedding. the bride and groom are the reason the party is being thrown...but the family and friends are honored guests, not members of the audience or mosh pit denizens or a collection of mirrors.

Answer 6

I agree with you 100%. People get way too wrapped up in the finances and the gifts and forget that they whould really be having an event where they can proclaim their love for someone in front of people they care about. There is such a thing as good manners and etiquette, but that door swings both ways. I think you are totally right.

Answer 7

I agree with you to some extend. I do think some people ask too much of their guests.


My big pet peeve is when people don't provide enough food for guests, have a cash bar or a money dance. Also, when guests pay for parking or having a ceremony is outside in December. All things that are so tacky to me. I bugs me when basic hosting etiquette is ignored.

However, with the "no children" rule. You have to take into account that wedding might not be places for children. I think asking for just adults is reasonable, I just think some parents are too uptight about cutting the cord.

Allowing children at a wedding is a very personal choice. Not ever reception sites is child friendly and I think people forget that.

As much as you say, "why do couple do this?" You have to ask the question, "why do guests put up with it"

As an adult guest, you have to realize you have the right to say no or decline any invitation that does not fit your standards.

Remember, there are two sides to every story. Back to the children thing, what happens when inviting all the kids increases the guest list by 50 people. Some people might not be able to afford that. So it all or none. None is cheaper.

Answer 8

I find your comments very refreshing because I also agree with you. But I have been to some weddings that I personally did not enjoy. When I got married it was important to me that my guests had a good time. They took the time to come celebrate with me not just give me gifts and watch me enjoy myself. But it seems the world is getting more selfish and self centered. That is why I find your comment so refreshing. There are still people out there that consider others. Congratulations on your wedding and I wish you the best!

Answer 9

Much of your post was a rant about the "selfishness" of banning children from one's wedding. I don't think that's selfish at all. What's selfish is parents who keep their crying child in the room where the wedding is going on, or who allow their children to misbehave at weddings. I've seen both. And I've seen children who remove an item from the buffet, bite into it, then put the item back on the buffet. Brides have EVERY RIGHT to ban children from their weddings. If there weren't so many inconsiderate parents, this might not be necessary. But remember, children add a lot of expense to a wedding.

Answer 10

I agree that many brides to go overboard. But I do understand the reasoning behind the "no children" rule. I love children, especially my family. But I hate when parents do not have the common sense to quiet their children during a ceremony and other reverent times.

I watched quietly as a woman held her screaming child the duration of a friend's wedding ceremony. People would turn around, give her "the look," and she would smile as if to say "isn't he cute?" Finally, someone asked her to take him outside. Either way, my friend's wedding video was ruined--all you could hear was the screaming child.