Why would she do this?
He is sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole in 30 years.
In Texas those incarcerated can get married through Texas' proxy marriage laws.
How can I help her?
Any advice or thoughts?
Is it just me or is this outrageous?
2007-11-29 08:07:18 · 18 answers · asked by Nae Nae 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
sorry, but it's her life. we might not agree with her choices but should love and respect her enough to either support her or stay away from her. your pick.
2007-11-29 08:10:53 · answer #1 · answered by AFRICANA 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the best way is to listen to her and try to understand her position, purpose, values, fears, plans, etc. If it is really such a bad move, she will be more likely to realize that by attempting to explain it vs anyone meddling in her decisions. If you are preachy or negative, then it will only fuel the "her and him against the world" romantic drama. It is better to wait until she asks for advice to give it, and even then it is better to say "well if I were in that situation I would..." instead of "you must..."
But don't hit her with the hard questions right away because she will only get defensive and withdraw. Remember that you may come away realizing that there was something you didn't know before, or she may. So ask with an open heart to understand, not to bully her into being wise.
2007-11-29 08:16:59 · answer #2 · answered by Tommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she met him and has only known him since his incarceration, then your sister is a sad and lonely individual in need of counseling. If, however, she knew him before his arrest and conviction then she just may be gullible or blinded by "love" or heavily manipulated. Either way, it isn't just you, it is outrageous! Besides, she's only 18, why the rush to marry someone that you can't spend your life with for the next 30 years?
Maybe you can take her to visit the grave sight of whomever he murdered or try to set up a visit with a family member of his victim.
2007-11-29 08:12:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I tend to believe that 18 is too young to get married in any case, as you're really not mature enough to make that kind of decision. But you didn't give us a lot of information here. Who is the guy? Were they dating before he got sent away, or did they become pen pals? If it was the latter, why didn't someone step in before? How old is he? At this point, have her speak to any trusted person outside of the family, like a clergy member or friend, to try to get her to understand exactly what she's doing. You can also see if there are any support groups for spouses of prisoners. Maybe others who have done it can set her straight. It is my understanding that these women are not generally a happy lot.
2007-11-29 08:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's YOUR daughter ...
Why do you think she feels drawn onto a relationship which is unhealthy, and provides only limited moments of intimacy?
My guess is that this is not the first "Bad-Boy" boyfriend she has had.
She's lonely.
She's depressed.
She doesn't thin any normal guy would want her.
Her own life is boring (to her) and she craves excitement, and a certain degree of "shock value" for others. which is provided by her husband being incarcerated.
Your daughter needs to be saved by Jesus.
I've worked in prison ministry for more than 20 years.
He will EITHER :
Use her until she and her money are used up,
OR
he has somehow miraculously repented and fallen in love with her.
There is NO middle ground to these two extremes.
2007-11-29 08:17:36 · answer #5 · answered by Bobby Jim 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like a dangerous man. But before you totally freak out I would suggest getting to know the man. He may be convicted of murder but he may have totally changed his life now and is a different person. He also may not have changed. But before you judge the situation check things out. And be there for your sister, she will be more likely to listen to you if you actually try to understand and listen to her.
2007-11-29 08:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage can be a prison itself.
Maybe she just wanted to do something different?
Maybe the guy is REALLY turning his life around, and found salvation through your sister?
2007-11-29 08:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by None 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm really sorry to hear this.
It seems more and more that younger people are actually looking up to those people who get themselves in trouble with the law, as though it were something to aspire to!
Nothing you say will change her mind if her mind is set, but she doesn't know the heartache she's asking for in the long run.
If you TRY to change her mind, that will just push her harder into doing what she already wants to do, so I don't really know WHAT to tell you, other than to pray for her.
My heart goes out to both you AND her.
2007-11-29 08:12:18 · answer #8 · answered by no1home2day 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
She's your sister--if you don't know why she'd do this, how can perfect strangers figure it out? I'm guessing he has "found god" while in the slammer?
I'm not sure I believe this is real, but I've heard of people doing things like this. Perhaps your sister has very low self-esteem.
2007-11-29 08:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain your concerns to her. but also listen to her reasons for the marriage. It's her life, not yours, and this presumably is important to her. Otherwise, she wouldn't be bothering.
No, I don't think it is outrageous that felons are allowed to enter into consentual marriage.
2007-11-29 08:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by Nightwind 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her that she can find a man thats not Jesus but acts like a the kind of man you would marry, not saying anybody he is gay but tell her to think over before she does what she does.
2007-11-29 08:12:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋