I've been married to my husband for about a year. He's a little older than I, a wonderful provider, and very conservative. We've been happy but a little bored. His grown son 18, has keys to our home and drops in unannounced. 2 weeks ago my friend Shari-beth was over. I knew she was bi but I was never interested in that. Well we ended up kissing and petting a little when step-son walked in. Ever since he's been hitting me up for "loans" and it's amounting to a lot of money. I DO NOT want my husband to find out, and don't plan to experiment any more. But how can I put a stop to this blackmail?
2007-11-29 07:02:20 · 23 answers · asked by strgoddss 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OUCH! Your dimena is not an easy one, but if I were in your shoes this is how I would handle it, without ever lying about it.
Next time the stepson hits you up for money, 'smile sweetly'
then say "NO!" "You heard me, the answer is NO. If you wish to blab and hurt your father I can't stop you, but the blackmail is over" Walk away with awareness he may do it anyway.
If he does, your response should be "Never in my life would I wish to hurt you and you CAN believe that!" Feel like crying, this is the moment for that hurt look and brimming tears as you look at him briefly before quickly walking from the room.
Ideally, stepson gets left with blabbering mouth hanging open in shock as hubby two times it after you, to comfort you.
If you decide to tell him upstairs in the bedroom wrapped in each others arms, would be the time to say something like
"If something happened that I didn't expect, and it was just intriguing to me once, for that moment and it never went past a few kisses and light petting could you forgive me? I never ever want to hurt you. I don't want to keep secrets but I am so afraid you won't forgive me? I hate myself for what I did, but your son has been blackmailing me with it for months, I wish I never had to share it with you for I am so ashamed of myself already."
If you tell him now, after he ignores his son's words, he may truly forgive you. But after walking away from his son and believing you, should you decide to tell him later, 1, 5 10 years from now there may be no forgiveness.
I think you get the drift, do not lie to the man adding insult to injury. But the only guarantee against stepson is to strip him of his power. Try option 1, if that doesn't work try option 2.
Don't feel bad about manipulating to strip him of his power.
He abused his power and blackmailed you, rather than going straight to his father with the knowledge.
2007-11-29 07:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by craftyangelis 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay, you aren't going to like the answer but it is the right thing to do. You are going to have to tell your husband. Explain to him it was a lapse in judgment and it was the first time and that it will never happen again.
I
t isn't just about it being a lesbian interaction, even if it is with another woman, it is still cheating and breaking your vows.
This may also open up a good opportunity for you to talk about your boredom and a way to get your needs met that won't jeopardize your marriage or leave you open to black mail.
The truth is if you don't tell your husband, then your step son will eventually no matter how much money you give him.
Also take that key away from him. If he doesn't live there, he has no business just walking into your home unannounced.
2007-11-29 07:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you gave him money once, he will never stop blackmailing you. You must put a stop to this now. The best way to end this situation is to take the power away from your stepson by telling your husband yourself. Most likely, your husband will be very excited at the thought of you kissing another woman. Just be honest. It is so much easier than lying.
2007-11-29 07:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by sunshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that your friend came onto you and kissed you. You didn't know how to handle the situation and when your son saw it he got the wrong impression completely. It was weird and uncomfortable experiance that you were emmbaresed to tell him happened. Let him know that you ARE interested in experimenting with new ways to spice up your sex life with each other. In one way or another this jerk of a step kid is going to let it slip and your husband will find out - be the one that tells him first so that his kid looks like the blackmailing *SS he really is. I promise this isn't a marriage ending situation. Tell your stepson that he can say what ever he likes, because his father and you are completely open and honest with one another. That'll shut him up and streangthen your marriage.
2007-11-29 07:13:31 · answer #4 · answered by mudpuppie_80 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well,it sounds like you got caught,and now you don't want to pay the consequences.You have to figure out what is more important here.Would you rather explain it to your husband,or keep giving up the money?Odds are,if you keep giving up the money,he is only going to start wanting something else.If you beat him to it and explain to your husband,you might stand a chance of actually getting your life back in order.You should have thought about the possibilities of what would happen if you got caught,but since you didn't,you are the only one that can make this choice.
2007-11-29 07:16:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband and be honest about what happened and leave nothing out. Deal what whatever you are going to have to resolve whatever your husband has to say or feels about the situation. Ask your husband to not mention the blackmail incident to your stepson. Do not tell your stepson that you are going to tell him about it. Just do it, and then cut your stepson off cold turkey and see what he does. If he happens to go tell his father about it, then it will prove to your husband that you were not lying and the son was blackmailing you.
2007-11-29 07:12:28 · answer #6 · answered by Erica D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your husband that his son has been asking for loans and you have given them to him to help him out. I would say that he asked me not to tell you. I would like to have a good relationship with him since he is your son so I did. It is not getting out of hand and he keeps hitting me up for more money. He has threaten to cause problems between us if I cut of the money. I know I should have told you but, I did not think this was going to get out of hand. Please do not say anything to him yet. You then tell the son you are calling his bluff.
Your husband will think he is making this up, I would deny, deny, deny.
2007-11-29 07:47:41 · answer #7 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to stop him is to tell your husband what happened -- including the fact that his son saw you and is now pressuring your for money.
Your husband will find out, either way, and it will be better for him to hear the truth from you then to have your stepson embellish the story when he tells it.
Tell your husband, then let your stepson know his power over you is over.
2007-11-29 07:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by kelannde 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your husband what you did. If he loves you he'll forgive you, heck he might like it. Seriously though fess up so this loser can stop thinking he has something on you. I know its easier said than done, but be strong honey. There are worse things than that.
2007-11-29 07:10:21 · answer #9 · answered by kharilli 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask the nice young man to stop or you'll tell his dad about him always taking money from you. If the young gentleman makes a threat, ask him if he's hitting on you and that you'll tell your "beloved" husband if he doesn't stop. That should do it.
2007-11-29 07:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by typre50 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋