Is my mother in-law out of line? Ok, first let me tell you what’s going on'?

Question

My daughter will be 6 months old on Christmas and my mother in law bought her about eleven toys and there is really no point in us getting her anything. She is buying our son who is five a Wii and tons of other things. It made me upset but I thought they are their only grandkids and I can’t really say anything if they want to get it for them. But I would like to have gotten them something. At thanksgiving my mother in law asked what my husband wanted for Christmas. I told here I was getting him a nice watch. He has a watch but I wanted to get him something that he can wear to church, something really nice. Well I went looking and my mother in law went with me and I couldn’t find any thing at the store we went to. Well she just called me up saying she bought him this nice watch and not to worry about getting him it. Well when I got off the phone I started crying because I feel she is being a glory hog. What do you think?

Answer 1

If she has gotten something that can harm your child or something you don't approve of - return it. IE: do any of the toys have lead paint or did she get them a drum set? Other than that - enjoy the free gifts. I have to disagree with you that she could have bought them every kind of toy they could ever want. I would just advise you to be a little more creative. At the very least you could get them things they need like more school clothes or something like that. Or even a night out at their favorite restaurant.

Now as far as your husband goes - that is something delicate. Someone else made a good point about not confiding in her anymore about what you want to get him. I'd take that advice and even go beyond it a little. Make it into a joke and laugh about it. You can even joke about it at family gatherings - you could pretend that your shopping list is encrypted with a special indecipherable code so that she won't be able see. By all means don't be malicious about this - but have fun with it. I would say just use your creativity more and figure something else he would like. Be happy that someone wants to be generous to your family and enjoy it while it lasts.

Answer 2

I think your mother in law is a very generous person but, thinks she is doing a good thing. I would ask to see the watch prior to her giving it. If you like it then I would tell her in a nice way that you appreciate what she did but feel hurt that she bought a gift for your husband knowing that you were going to buy the same thing. Offer to give her the money and give him the gift from you. In the future do not say what you are getting him. As far as the kids go I think your mil went to over board with the gifts. Christmas should not be about how much is spent and I would not like the idea of my kids being trained to expect. She might want to check into Cd's or savings bonds for when they get older rather then toys.

Have a wonder full holiday.

Answer 3

As far as the gifts for the kids go, I don't think she is out of line. She just wants to buy gifts for her grandkids, and frankly, she probably has a lot more disposable income than you do. Besides, just because she has bought them a lot of stuff, doesn't mean you can't buy them stuff. As far as the watch goes, I think she went a little too far. She probably is just trying to help out, though, not trying to be a "glory hog". Remember, Christmas isn't about getting "credit" for being the best gift giver, it is about sharing your love for others, and that is probably all she is trying to do. Why not instead of getting angry, use some of the money she has freed up for you (buying all these extravagent gifts) and get her something really special? Also, since she bought that nice watch, why not get your husband a nice tie tack and cuff links to match it? Try to look at what your mother in law is doing in an optimistic way, instead of mentally accusing her of trying to one-up you.

Answer 4

Is she going to spend Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with you so she can see you open your daughter's presents? If not, just put most of the presents in a closet somewhere, and bring them out sporadically over the next few months for your daughter. Honestly, she's so young, she doesn't understand Christmas yet, and has no clue that your MIL bought her all the toys. I don't think she's out of line in that case. If she DOES see you open the presents for your daughter, after she leaves, put most of the toys up anyway--she'll never know. You can still buy your daughter something--to her, a toy is a toy. :)

As for your husband's watch--yes, that was out of line. Go ahead and let her give him the watch, but once she's gone, be very frank with him and tell him what she did to you. I know he's her son, but he's YOUR husband. If this man knows his mother at all, he'll know how she is (she's probably been like that his entire life) and won't hold it against you.

As for the Wii--I don't really think that's out of line. Your son is only 5, and I'm sure he doesn't care who buys him what--all he knows is that a present is a present, and he's probably not going to hold it against you. :)

Answer 5

I definitely think that's out of line. It's OK for grandparents to spoil their grandkids, but not to the point of getting them the really big gifts that Mom and Dad are supposed to get (like the Wii). Not to mention her taking the liberty in getting that watch for your husband! To be honest, I'd have to say something to her. You're married to her son and that means you're officially part of that family and have a say in what goes on.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm a little worried that one of the gifts I bought my boyfriend for Christmas might end up being given to him by his father as well. I found a Georgia Tech golf bag on the internet (he's a HUGE fan) and showed it to him before I bought it for pre-approval. He absolutely loved everything about it except the price. So what does he do? First he shows it to his mother and her boyfriend, and then he shows it to his father and his wife. I was able to tell his mother, the boyfriend, and the wife that I'd be buying him the bag. But when I went to get his scatterbrained father's attention and began to mouth behind my boyfriend's back that I'd be getting it, he simply turned back around to my boyfriend and the computer. Hopefully, there won't be any misunderstandings...

Answer 6

She is not out of line when it comes to her grandkids blinded by love maybe but not out of line you don't even have to let your son play with it until he is older not like he will know what to do anyways no offense, When it come to your husband yes she is very out of line, I am sure with the best of intentions in her eyes but you really need to tell her that you as his WIFE and the mother of his children would like to go out and purchase something for him personally and tell her you appreciate her offer but you need to refuse it before you start getting more and more frustrated with the situation because it won't stop there and if it upsets you enought cry about now think 5 or 10 years down the road when the same things are still happening and eating at you to the point of driving a wedge between you two and putting unneeded pressure on your marraige. have a merry christmas.

Answer 7

the comment about her being a glory hog tells me you feel as though you are in competition with her and will be slighted in recognition....honey dont sweat the small stuff....as for your six month old....get her a gift that will signify her first christmas like her first ornament of course and then maybe a rocking horse for her room or a miniature carousel.....for your son, since your in law has the inside toy sewn up....try the outdoor toys....here is a link for an inexpensive "luxury car" that i think is neat http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9989935/... for your husband......go with something hobby related....this is a tough one....and the moral of the story is dont tell your m-i-l what you are getting your husband cause shes gonna try to one up you....good thing you told her what to get him otherwise she'd have ended up looking like a fool!.....yeah she's way out of line....my parents have spoiled my kids so bad that i havent been able to buy them birthday or christmas for years now....it wouldnt do me any good so i just give them money (but they are almost adults now too)

Answer 8

I think you shouldn't tell your mother-in-law what you are planning to give to your family so she won't steal the idea for herself. She probably means no harm and looks to you as the best source for gift ideas, but there's no problem in just keeping mum about the things YOU want to get and giving her some other ideas.

I asked my parents to help our kids in other ways than toys and stuff. They buy them swimming lessons, for example. Maybe even though your kids don't need objects, you could get them music lessons (kindermusik for babies starts at 3 months and it's really cool), sports lessons or something like that.

Answer 9

I dont think she is out of line, she is just really REALLY in the Christmas spirit. What you can do is stop telling her your gift ideas. Also, why cant you buy your kiddos gifts?? Heck yeah!!! Hella gifts at home and from grandma??

I know I sound like a jerk, but Im trying to show you the humorous side of this. I had a mother in law JUST like her for 10 years and I just had to decide to laugh about it.

Now, you get on your jingle bell socks, put the raindeer horns on the kiddos and get out there and find hubby a great Christmas gift.......remember SHHHHHH!

Merry Christmas and Hang in there!!

Answer 10

She in completely out of line. I would seriously have a discussion with your husband about how you're worried she's spending too much money on the children.

As far as the watch situation, I would have a conversation with her and explain that you had planned to buy him the watch.