Mother-In-Law making decisions for Our Baby?

Question

First let me say I know my mother-in-law means well. She watches my 5 month old in the afternoons for about 3 to 4 hours while my husband and I are at work. She is always buying rice cereal, barley, oatmeal, jar baby food and feeding it the baby. Our pediatrician advised us that he does not need anything but formula till 6 months. My husband has told her that we do not want the baby eating anything but the one sereving of rice cereal that we agreed on, but now she is giving him oatmeal with bananas, barley, mixed cereal. My husband does not see a problem, but issue is he is my baby and that is not what I want. I want to decide and make the decisions for him. Am I making too much of this or should we be more firm with her about letting us make the decisions?

As for quitting my job, cant we have a 7 year old and the baby-The baby has a liver disease and doctor bills are enormous. Also the baby goes to daycare from 7:30am to 2:30am. I take my lunch hour to pick up the baby and bring him home where my mother in law sits with him till we get home. Financially we are strapped and the baby is still undergoing medical attention. So I would love to stay home with both my children but I cant if we want our sick baby to be able to seek the medical attention he needs.

Answer 1

WHOA...STOP HER...IF SHE CAN'T RESPECT YOUR WISHES....FIND OTHER ARRANGEMENTS OR PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN...2 WORDS...YOUR BABY!!

Answer 2

The problem you have is that as a mother you are going to be very protective of your child regardless of it being a close family member. Your mother in law feels she has already raised children and knows what she is doing. In her eyes she is doing no harm to her grandchild. You need to consider that since the baby is in her care for 3-4 hours a day during that time she is the one who is going to make some decisions. If you feel that strongly about what you want and how you want it you should stay home with the baby so you have no need for anyone else to watch him or her.

Take into consideration that you are very lucky to have someone you trust take care of your child free of charge so you can work with peace of mind. Would you really think daycare or a babysitter would follow your instructions word for word?

Good Luck and don't stress about things that are not such a big deal. It is not like she is leaving the baby home alone to run to the store.

Answer 3

This is really up to you and depends on how much of a problem it will cause in your marriage and with your MIL. Is it worth the battle, in other words? If the baby seems to be tolerating it well, then is it worth making it an issue?
Now if you feel that if you let her get her way in this, she will continue to push the issues, then go ahead and say something.
I know it is hard for older people, because they raised their children like that and that is what they were told to do. My Mom did the same thing and when I'd tell her not to she'd say, "I raised five healthy children. How many have you raised." She had a point.

Answer 4

I know how you feel. I found out my MIL was doing the same thing. I wanted to Breastfeed only until 6 months. She was feeding him Mashed Potatoes and gravy at 4 and 5 months. Not too much but still. I thought it was best not to say anything and let my hubby deal with it. Chances are she feels like she is helping and wants to be a good grandmother. Your MIL can be your best friend or your worst enemy depending on how you deal with her. I would just let it go. She raised your husband fine. Just stick to what you do at your home and when you are around her. It will make your relationship better. Remember that she was taught differently when her kids were babies. Many things that they did back in the day we don't do and vice versa. I mean my grandmother was raised on PET milk in the bottle. WE don't do that now. Just be kind to her and let your husband talk to her. You don't want to damage that relationship and risk hurt feelings.

Answer 5

Infant Feeding Guidelines

Birth to 4 months Breast milk or formula

*4-6 months Breast milk or formula. Add iron-fortified rice
cereal. Mix 1-2 tablespoon of cereal with breast milk or formula and offer two times daily.

5-6 months Breast milk or formula; iron-fortified rice cereal. Add plain strained baby vegetables (such as peas, carrots, squash, and green bean) and strained baby fruits (such as bananas, applesauce, peaches, pears, and apricots). Offer 1-2 tablespoons 2-3 times daily. Offer one new food every 3-7 days and watch for signs of intolerance (rash, spitting up, or diarrhea).

There are more things to consider concerning parenting which means to always consider what you are being told to do even by Doctors concerning your family - they are not always %100 accurate but are trained professionals in the medical field. Keeping yourself posted as well on your families health and treatment methods stands to reason and includes something everyone usually considers anyways along with good diet. Now, there is this issue of your sweetie being on meds and your doc may be avoiding introduction to foods but also understand that at the same time avoiding additional nutrients. Consider looking up all the foods your child has started eating. Do some research on the net on the foods you listed. So, what are friends being told concerning diet by their docs and what are they actually doing as well? Did you know that many parents have decided to go totally organic? Then there is your hubby's say in the matter as well. Consider your hubby did fine on food at this age....things like this and always know the thorough background on meds given to your child beyond the script pamphlet, especially considering an infant can't tell you if things are ok or not. These are things you do for yourself/hubby and children. This is not a worry wort type of attitude but a good habit to become as routine as doing anything else.

Answer 6

See the thing is that if you want to make the decisions for him then you need to pay the person who is watching him. I'm sure she loves him and is doing what she thinks is best.

If this is your first, I would guess that you probably are making a little too much out of it because that's what all first time mothers do.

I would weigh the options, making the decision about what he eats worth having some nanny, daycare or stranger watch him. Asking a favor of someone is a little give and take...

Answer 7

Well,first off,some babies need more food than rice cereal at an earlier age than others.It sounds like your baby is wanting these foods,and she is just giving it what it wants.I know my son started eating rice cereal at 6 weeks,but he also started cutting his first tooth at 8 weeks.Pediatricians only go by guidelines.And no set guideline is right for every baby.As long as your baby is not having tummy troubles,I would trust your mother in laws judgement.After all,she raised your husband and he turned out ok didnt he?When it comes to babies,dont trust everything the pediatrician says.Go by the experiences of the grandparents,they have been there.If something seems to not be working,encourage your mother in law to quit doing it.Otherwise,let her try to help.Your baby will only benefit from more than one head raising it.

Answer 8

Personally I wouldn't want my mother in law to be in the room while I had the scan because I think that is a special moment for the two of you. If she's insisting now she'll be insisting on that she has to be in the delivery room when you go in to labour. If you think she shouldn't be there I would just have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel about the situation. Good luck x

Answer 9

If you want to go by what your Doctor has advised you, then you have to put your foot down.

Do it in a nice way, and advise her that you don't want her eating anything else than what YOU provide.

Then, before you take her to your mother-in-law's pack up what you want her to eat and say, this is the diet that the Doctor recommends and you would like her to stick to it.

IF she keeps giving the baby something else, then I would honestly suggest that you find someone else to look after the baby.

Be as positive as you can be with her, because I am sure she is doing everything her way, because she loves the child and feels she knows, because of her motherly instincts, what kind of food she should be giving her.

Be firm with her, but loving and I think you will get somewhere.

Answer 10

Well think about it this way, she has raised a kid and you are married to him, and seems like she did a pretty good job. She is helping you out immensely by watching the baby everyday, you can't put a price on it.

She loves the baby obviously and only wants the best for him. She is older and she is not going to listen to you, nor can you change her, or the way she thinks or acts. Unless the baby is having negative reactions or allergies, I don't see a problem.

Why spend money on formulas, only to find out, FDA recalled it 2 years later ?

Doctors are nothing more than DRUG PUSHERS, all they care about how much drugs and formula they can push and increases their bottomline, because drug companies give them kickbacks, that is no secet.

On the other hand grandma cares about the child, more than you will ever realize untill you are a grandma.

Let her take care of it, listen to her advice more than the Doctor.

Answer 11

You are the mother and she should respect that especially since your doctor said it wasnt good for him also it could cause digestive problems on top of what is already wrong, dont take any chances, if she wont listen then maybe you will have to find someone else