My dad past away in 2005, I moved in with mom and stayed by her side to help, She has back problems. I take care of grandpa, who is paralyzed and can’t see, and of mom. I stopped working in 2005 and now I've been back on the workforce for almost a year. It’s been almost a year now that I’m working. My current job is outside of my field and a lower level than what I used to do. We now share a house with my sister in law, brother and niece.
I want to get my life back together. I also want to go back and get a master degree.
The problem is I feel like I'm getting used. No one helps me with chores. I work late hours and when I get back home its like no one bothers to do anything and wait for me to do it. I have brought up the issue and everyone always have some reason why they can’t do this and that. Whenever I ask to rest or that I mentioned I'm late to work or busy doing something. My mom gets mad at me, slams doors and starts yelling. It seems whenever she can’t get what she wants when she wants it becomes major drama.
What can I do? I need to study for my entrance exam and i never get time to study
2007-11-29 04:52:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can’t study because whenever I say I need to do something its like my needs don’t count and it’s all about her. I’m way behind in my preparation course (9 week course that is about to end. I haven’t even completed 1 chapter...there are 9). I'm hurt by the situation and I don't know what to do.
Libraries are to far from home & only give 2 hours computer acces per day in entire city. I have 5 hours online homework to do. Daily!
2007-11-29 04:56:21 · update #1
Check into the programs in your area designed to help those who are disabled or bed-ridden. There are programs where a nurse comes in to check on the patient and there are programs where general housekeepers come in to do small chores around the house.
You should move out as soon as you can get your mom and grandfather some help.
As far as your brother's family living in the home, too, sit down with all of them who are able bodied and make a list of who will be responsible for which chores. If they don't like it, then move out and tell them they can handle your mom and grandpa on their own!
Stand up for yourself, friend. You took time off from working to help and you have done more than your fair share. If the others living in the home don't appreciate that and don't contribute, then it's time to move out and get your life back in order.
2007-11-29 04:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Different situation.....same life. I know what you are going through. You might have to stand firm and let others start taking care of your mom, grandpa and the chores. What about your brother and sis-in-law? Why don't they help? Can your mom afford outside help a couple of times a week? If so, let her pay someone to come in and take care of her and gramps. I know family is important, but sometimes you have to put your foot down. My suggestion......put your life first. If you can, move out. That way you can work and study without any interruptions. You will thank yourself later for this (I know I did!!!). GOOD LUCK!!
2007-11-29 13:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have gone above and beyond and have done more than your share, it sounds like. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be appreciated, wanting help and wanting a life of your own. You are young and have your dreams and that is the way it should be.
You need to really think about what you want and how to get there and about what you are willing to do for your family and what you aren't. Every relationship, needs guidelines and boundaries. If you don't stand up for yourself and draw a line in the sand, no one else is.
Sit down with your family, once you know what you are going to do and you have your guidelines set. Tell them how it is going to be and then stick to it. If they won't fall in line, then it may be time to consider moving out. If your brother and SIL live in the same house, they are more than capable of helping out your mother and grandfather.
2007-11-29 13:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am sorry you are going through this. It is good to hear you are doing so much to create peace at home. Please continue doing what you can. For your studies, it is important to complete successfully because this will later improve your earnings to support the family. You need to create some time no matter the cost to study. I would recommend that you get away from home for some hours every day to study. Concentrate and forget about home. When you are home do what you can. it is difficult to do all what they want you to do.
Above all pray for peace from God and for strength for every do. Remember that "you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you".
2007-11-29 13:11:11 · answer #4 · answered by kenjacy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand up for yourself. You have things that you need to do. Tell your family exactly what you will be willing to do for them, and that they will have to figure out how to get the rest done. Normally, a mother wants her adult child to have a life, a career and/or marriage and children.
You can investigate what social and medical services might be available to your mother and grandfather. You need to see that they are taken care of, but you don't have to do it all personally.
You may have to move out.
2007-11-29 13:18:17 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, ur not gonna miss out on any BLESSINGS by helping others, trust me. But you may be over extending yourself. Your a wonderful person with a kind spirit. Use it or you'll loose it( okay I know that sounded corny but you get the picture) Stay positive, its already working out for you as we speak.
2007-11-29 13:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by Z. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move back out on your own and learn to take things one at a time. You are running yourself ragged and its not even for yourself!!!
2007-11-29 12:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by misselie1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋