I had a child out of wedlock. I discovered shortly after I was pregnant that things weren't going well. I was not treated well at all. My son's father is from a different race and my brother will not speak to me or even acknowledge my son exists. My son is 1 1/2 years old. The last time my brother and I talked he said some pretty hateful things about me. It has been over 6 months since we have spoken 1 word to each other.
It has now made for a very weird situation for the rest of the family. I come from a large family and no one else treats me like this or feels the same way. What should I do to try and make it more comfortable for the rest of the family when we are around each other?
Anyone have any advice on how to try to begin to talk to him? He acts as though I asked to be treated horribly and everything was my fault.
2007-11-29 04:33:33 · 8 answers · asked by Mary M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your brother is obviously prejudice and can't accept you or your son at face value.... It's HIS problem, not yours, hon.
So, if you and your family realize that HE is the one with the problem, you'll be better off.
You seem to be letting this situation bother you too much... perhaps one day your brother will come around. Until then, take care of YOU and your child, and move forward with your life. That is the best you can do... take care.
2007-11-29 04:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This one is tricky.On the one hand,you love your family,and don't want them to suffer.On the other,you have this beautiful baby your brother can't accept.Try seeing if your brother will have a sit down at a neutral location.Then,see exactly why he has the feelings he does about the race of the child.Then explain what you had seen in the baby's father to make this child,even if that father is no where around anymore.If he refuses this sit down,or still won't accept,there is not much else you can do.You can at least hold your head high and know you did your best.This way,if any family member brings it up,you can honestly say you offered your brother the chance to try to be understanding.
2007-11-29 12:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by sacred_hart_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dear,
It may have been about you & your brother before, but now it is about the child! I'm sure you can see that your brother is a racist, and although you may have not grown up that way obviously something has happened in his life to cause his heart to be closed to whatever race it is. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do , but pray for him. As you have learned from your previous relationship, only God can change people. Take the best care of your child and protect him or her the best you can. I hate to tell you this, but you are going to run across many people in this world that are going to judge you. Teach your child that they are beautiful, wonderful, and loved very much. Never let anyone not even your brother destroy that childs morale. You are responsible for that childs feelings not your brothers. If he can't except your child why would you even care if he excepted you. Don't worry, as life little nicks & and bumps come he will come around. It may not be next week, next year, or may not the next 10 yrs. Are you going to sit around and worry about that. No, you have a beautiful child to raise that is dependeing on you. If you have to leave town to feel free(do it), but for God sake please don't allow that baby to suffer for what they don't know!
I believe in you!
2007-11-29 12:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by babybuds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could tell you what to do but that one is a toughy. I mean it is hard to change someone who is apparently very racist. You were young and you made a mistake. It is different if you were continuing the same mistake and he was fed up but what happened with you is in the past and there is no need to punish an innocent child like he is doing. It is wrong. And he is wrong. But trying to change him may be impossible. You may need to confront him.
2007-11-29 12:43:45 · answer #4 · answered by Sandra R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray about the situation and let if go. If you haven't tried, try pulling him to the side and ask him whats the problem, and let him know that He doesn't and can't control who you have a relationship with, But your relationship mean a lot to you because you are family. After you have tried then let it go. Its his loss he's missing out on fun times with you and your son.
2007-11-29 12:51:43 · answer #5 · answered by reddchilds 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have their views, but obviously he does not see how much courage and strength it took for you to bring a child into the world knowing you would be raising it on your own. I say kill him with kindness. Be the bigger person and when you have to be in a room with him be as nice as you can.
2007-11-29 12:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by hurt.woman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write him off as a loss and move with your life. A child is precious no matter what race if he doesn't see that he doesn't deserve your love.
2007-11-29 12:48:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just avoid your brother to the extent that you can. When you have to be around him, be polite. That's all. Maybe he'll at least follow your example and, if he doesn't like you, just be civil. You don't have to be close to him.
2007-11-29 13:37:47 · answer #8 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋