Doesn't want to go to preschool?

Question

This morning, my daughter was very insistant that she didn't want to go to her preschool class. Typically, she loves to go. I attempted to convince her to go every way I could all the way up to the school doors. She didn't budge, cried that she didn't want to without giving me any real reason why. I caved and let her come back home. I'm looking for (educated) opinions on this. Was this the right move ? Or am I teaching her that if she has a fit, she can get out of going to school? She is almost 4. If your child was very insistant on not going, would you force them to go anyway? I suppose I was just concerned that there was a bigger issue that she couldn't express to me. Any tips on getting the reason why out of her? Or should I let it go and see how she is next time she goes?

I should add that the teacher was there this morning and she didn't understand what the problem was either. She tried to convince her to come in as well. I had a parent teacher conference last week also and all was well. She is well behaved and a delight to have in class according to the teacher. Maybe she just needed a break. We'll see how it goes on Tuesday when she goes back.

Answer 1

I think you did the right thing not to make her go today.I would talk to her a little more.To get her to talk.You could put on a puppet show and have them going to preschool and then one decides not to go back because another child wouldn't share etc.Then have her put on one and see what she says.You could do the same with her dolls if you don't have puppets.Sometimes things seem worse then what they are to a child.I worked in preschool and kids would get upset for a lot of differen't reasons.Maybe she didn't get the color of paper she wanted etc.It could be someone didn't play with her,share etc.Maybe she almost didn't make it to the bathroom on time.Is the school going to have a Christmas program?Maybe she doesn't want to get in front of a lot of people and sing.Also where I worked ,for discipline they had time out if they were told not to do something three times.Maybe she got told not to do somthing for the first time.An example would be/We had circle time and the kids couldn't talk and unless they raised their hand.If they did three times that day then they would get time out for a minute for each year they were old.They had a stop light with green,yellow and red.If they were only told once nothing happened ,they stayed on green.The second time they went to yellow and the third red.On red they had time out.Unless they got on red ,we usually didn't say anyting to the parents.You are always telling them not to run,push,slow down.take turns ,etc.The teacher may have just forgotten that she said anything.If you don't find out something from her,then I would take her back to school on the next school day and see how she is.Maybe she wasn't feeling well or maybe she just wanted to be with mom that day.Children go through differn't stages too. One thing you have to do is stay the one who's boss.It doens't take much for a little one to see that something works to get there way and before you know it ,it gets out of hand.If she refuses again I would talk to the teacher and I would also stay there and watch.The teacher had so many kids to watch and she may not see something that you would by keeping your eye on just her.If she doesn't refuse again and you haven't found out anything,I would just send her and not make a big issue out unless it happens again.

Answer 2

You may want to consult her teacher. Her reason for rejecting a formerly favored activity may have something to do with an event that happened at school. Small children are very reactionary and often can't express how they truly feel in words. If the rejection caused as big a trauma as you say, there could be underlying issues. I experienced a similar problem with my own child during preschool, though she wasn't quite as emotional as yours. By consulting the teacher, I discovered that her trauma was related to embarrassment. She had experienced a "potty accident" in front of the whole class while waiting in line for the bathroom and was too shamed to show her face again because some of the other children made remarks about it. Again, not something that a small child can easily express, especially if they fear being punished for the accident. On the other hand, the problem could be feelings of inadequacy compared to some of the other children, who might be grasping concepts more quickly, or it could be the result of a disciplinary measure brought on by inappropriate behavior. As always, talking to the instructor is often the best way to resolve the issue. They see things that you might not, and most have experience in dealing with traumas like this. If you can't find a resolution that way, try talking with your child - not about the refusal to go to school, but about her feelings concerning school in general. Remind your child of the fun things she's missing and the friends she has there, the neat places they go and the cool stuff they get to do. Try getting her to draw a picture of how she feels about school. You may get a clue from what she writes. If that fails, try storytelling. Begin the story with an imaginary character who goes to school for the first time, and let her finish the story. Her reason for the trauma may come out in the tale. But, sometimes, you have to face the fact that children at this stage of development are "testing their boundaries". If no other reason for the trauma can be found, her issue may be attachment. School is a big, scary place, after all, and she may be experiencing separation anxieties. Most children don't usually have such "fits" for no reason. And as far as letting her come back home, it was not a bad decision. Initially, it shows that you care about her problem and are trying to find a solution, but be careful. Letting it go on for too long could have the result you fear.

Answer 3

you need to call the teacher before the next class and ask her if there is anything that she has noticed at school that may have made her dislike school. Ask if she had to be reprimanded recently or if she had a sharing issue with another child. Ask if she is keeping up with the group at circle time. If there is an issue, you can speak to your daughter before she has to go back, and make a plan to remedy to situation together. If the teacher insists there is no problem, tell her that your daughter may have some separation crying at the beginning of the next class, and ask if she would mind tending to her tantrum after you leave.

If she agres ( and she will), you can start the night before by telling your daughter that she is such a big , smart girl, and that she has the special job of going to school. Explain to her that you have to do your job while she's at school (if you go to a workplace, if not, you can tell her what you do while she's at school like grocery shopping, making lunch, or housecleaning). Assure her that as soon as you are done with your job and she with hers, you will come get her. Be matter of fact during the morning before you leave. " That's right, big girls have jobs, and you are going to do your job today at school, and then I'll come get you." When you get to school, only give one hug and one kiss before handing her to the teacher and walking away. If the room permits it, you can walk outside and wave from the window, but then leave.

The likeliness of your daughter crying more than a couple of minutes is unlikely. If it is really hard on you, you can call ten min. after you leave to check on her. She will be fine, and this will teach her that you have authority, and tantrums are useless.

Answer 4

Call her pre-school teacher and ask her if anything out of the usual happened in school yesterday. Did your daughter get into trouble? Did she have a run-in with a bully? Did she have a potty accident? Was somebody mean to her?
Maybe the teacher can shed some light on the subject.

I wouldn't force her to go if she really didn't want to. You don't want her to develop a negative attitude toward school at such an early age. Maybe she just needs a break from school for a few days.

Answer 5

If she wasn't sick, is it possible that something happened at preschool in the past few days? I'm not saying anything necessarily terrible (although it's possible these days), but maybe someone is picking on her? I would talk to her and try to get her to tell you why she doesn't want to go. If she normally loves it, there has to be a reason she didn't want to go today. I think you did the right thing keeping her home. It seems she might have been almost scared to go. if she can't or won't tell you anything, I would try talking to the teacher about it.

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing. It's important for her to know that she can depend on you. She may be coming down with something and you'd be heading back to the school to pick her up later, anyway. Mention it to her teacher at the preschool when you drop her off next time and ask if there was any incident that may have caused her sudden upset.

As for a bigger problem, I don't think you need to be concerned unless she starts consistently not wanting to go.

Answer 7

I am not sending my boys to preschool. I think they are pushing kids too early. If they have socialization @ home w/ playgroups & friends they should be fine. All will be learned next yr. I know several moms of kids that are in kindergarden this yr, the kids are bored because they learned everything in preschool, so far there had been nothing new.

Our pediatrician even said @ our last visit that he disagrees w/ sending the kids to school so early. He said "kids have so much more then what he had as a child but for 1 thing, fun." He recommends starting them in Kindergarden.

Maybe your little girl is just not completely ready or maybe something happened, idk? I would just hope she would tell you on her own time, I wouldn't force. I wouldn't push her to go.

Answer 8

At four she should be able to communicate to you what was troubling her. Did you ask her any questions such as did something happen at school that made you scared or unhappy? You should have taken her into school and talked to the teacher to see if there have been some problems. If you continue to let her get her way. you will regret it. It doesnt take long for them to learn that if you pitch a fit you will get to do whatever you want.

Answer 9

I think that you should have made her go she is going to learn that when she throws a fit you will cave. If she is not giving you a good reason i would investigate it some more there must be a reason why she just all of a sudden dose not want to go talk to her teacher and see if a child is teasing her. that would make any child not want to go to school especially if it is more than one child.

Answer 10

Well, it could have been a bigger issue, so for your daughter's safety maybe it was a good idea. I would make sure though that you talk to your daughter and tell her that this will not be happening again and she needs to tell you why she didn't want to go so that you can fix the problem for her. That is definitely a tough call.