Am I wrong to feel so angry?

Question

My mother has never been fair or honest. She has six children. Me and my sister are the only ones who never receive xmas presents and our children do not either. She has only included her male child in her will, leaving him her house and bought him a sports car. She spends a lot on my sisters but is never really fair about it, her son always receives more. I do not consider them family, nor does my sister because of this. When she needed money in the past it was always my sister and I who helped her and we were never repaid as promised. Is it wrong for me not to bother with her?

all she has done for me is funny. I had to give her my paper route money, she never came to see me in the hospital and I used to have to go all by myself as a child for medical help(dentist etc) She refused to buy me glasses and I have very poor vision. Son is adopted and he was adopted cause she kept having girls.

also I am the youngest of the children. She was angry that I was born(father wanted me) because of how it would make her adopted son feel. He would receive a nice expensive bicycle for his birthday and I would get his old one which pop would repaint. My father was not at all as mean as her but she is a real shrew. I can't remember ever being held by her.. Even the first day of school I was the only one who went alone.

Answer 1

No it is not wrong at all because your mom is playing favorites and that is not right. But you should talk to her about because I don`t understand how she can give your brother things and ignore you. But no it is not wrong to feel angry because that is messed up, your mom needs to understand that she has more than one child and she should love all of them equally.

Answer 2

You are such a sweetie! I'm feeing so sad for you - can't express it enough! However, in this day and age, there must be some role models to continue exampling the "right" thing to do.

If I were you, I'd ALWAYS try to be the better person and make better choices. With that being said, I recommend you stay. Be around, be forgiving, be an example to those who are in your life. You can't lose by doing that as they will always know you as being the "strength" in the family.....the good one. The one that they may want to follow. Now, they may choose to not follow your great gestures, ideas, path, etc., but, at least you will feel a whole ton better by your good choices and deeds.

Eventually, if they can not see the forest for the trees, then you will not in any way feel "guilt", because you will have not done anything wrong.

Also, if I were you, I'd try talking to your mother about playing fair.....BECAUSE, the question to her is "why would she want to cause trouble between you and your siblings??" I would let her know that when she is gone from this earth, you and your siblings will need each other, and by her doing what she is doing now, will cause great hurt, pain, jealousy, and even some anger towards the siblings.

If your mother is a good person, and a mom that is giving you good advice, and is there for you otherwise.....why give her up? The only problem that I'm reading in your question is the question of "fairness", and not repaying as promised. So, those are the two issues I see here that you might want to sit with her and go over. Ask her why she's doing this. Ask her if she really believes that she is being "fair". Ask her if she loves all of you equally, why does she do what she does. Ask her to talk to you about "fairness" and what she thinks it means.

After you do the above (kindly), then you can even more evaluate a more level decision. But, only go the opposite way if she is reluctant to respond to your needs....her daughters cry for answers. This way, you will have given your all-out try to work these problems out, civily and fairly.

Kudos to you if you mend things, and kudos to you even if you don't BUT have tried.

My deepest blessings to you - Hugs!!

Answer 3

Even though she is your mother, it doesn't make her right and it doesn't make her treatment of you acceptable. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.
I suggest that you tell her for once and all how you feel and what you think about it. Don't expect her to admit she is wrong, apologize or change but at least them she can't say she doesn't know why you have distanced yourself.

I would also let your brother know how you feel about it. He can't help what your mother does but he could express that he doesn't feel it is fair either.

If it helps at all, especially with older people, that is just how things were done in their day. The oldest male was the chosen child. She may not even realize she is doing anything wrong.

Answer 4

I would be bothered by this if i was dealing with the same situation, however I also don't know anything about your family. Are you the oldest and her son very young and that is why he still gets Christmas presents? your mother should treat you all eaqually, but that doesn't always hold true. I would suggest if this is something that has bothered you and your sister for so long, mention something to her, maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing or that she is hurting you so much.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with anger. It is a legitimate reaction to circumstances around you.
I am one of seven children and I know what you are talking about. Being a parent myself, I cannot imagine treating some children like they are more special than others. But it does happen and I think you have every right to be angry.
It is what you do with the anger that is important, though. I feel that you should just let others know how you feel without attacking them with personal insults. Just keep it to how you feel and what you expect from your family. It is all right to have your personal boundaries...things you will and will not accept from those who say that they love you.

Answer 6

Don't let your anger consume you. Let it go. Life is sometimes unfair with no explanation. Never a lender or borrower be. Move on.
Again I say Let it go & Move on. Just remember it is not your fault she is like this. Some people just can't be happy unless they are dumping on someone else. She will die a lonely old women. You have your whole life and your children's lives ahead of you. Make them magical. You won't forget, and you don't even have to forgive. Don't allow her to take anymore from you than she already has. Only you have the power over the rest of your life.

Answer 7

Just accept the relationship for what it is. It sounds like you and your sister are more stable, independent and acclimated to the world. You can take care of yourselves.

It sounds like your brother is probably still living with mommy and needed that sports car to improve his self-esteem.

I dont understand how a grown man could accept such a gift from his mom.

Just know that this is the relationship you guys have, and if its something you want to hang on to do it. If not, nobody can tell you how to live your life.

Answer 8

Family is not based on blood, but on love. So if you're feeling neglected by your mother, try to talk to her. If that fails, then make the decision as to whether or not to include her in your life (or to what extent).

There's nothing wrong with deciding not to spend time with her. She may be your mother, but again, that doesn't obligate you to suffer pain from her.

I'd really recommend some kind of mediation, talking, and seeing what she thinks. Speak your mind and be honest. If she can't understand your point of view, politely explain that you just can't go on feeling as neglected and abused as you do. She may not understand, but it's about your peace of mind, and the immediate feelings of your own family.

Answer 9

It sounds like you have been mistreated. It's justifiable to feel angry when mistreated, especially by the ONE PERSON who is supposed to love you unconditionally.

I was mistreated and abused by my mother as well. I can't tell you how to get over it, as I never have (although it helps to have a normal family of your own as an adult). But your question was whether or not you are wrong to feel so angry (absolutely not - it's those who are not angry when mistreated that are cause for concern) and it is wrong for you not to bother with you (again, no, because she continues to harm you and is a bad role model for your children).

Answer 10

No, it not wrong....and I sure know how you feel. The same thing happened to my husband. It was all for his sister and her kids, never my husband or our son. Trust me, there is nothing you can do about it. We spoke our mind, refused to come over for Christmas, etc. etc. etc. It only made things harder. Wish I could say "accept it and get over it", but that's not easily done. My in-laws have passed away now, and I still think back to what they did to my husband. Stay tough!

SAW A SIGN THIS WEEK, (should have bought it), it said,

FRIENDS, GOD'S WAY OF MAKING UP FOR GIVING US RELATIVES.

Answer 11

there are distinctive emotional themes there. Is your mom making plans to "inspect" each time quickly? If not, then those issues in many situations blow over OR she would be in a position to alter her techniques and prefer some thing else. Did you ask her WHY she should be buried on your father's grave after she has been married to somebody else? It sounds to me like she is worried appropriate to the cost of burial. attempt to be certain her motives and consistent with risk you may properly be much less emotional approximately her concept.