My boyfriend expects me to do things I'm not comfortable with!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating a couple months, and things are great. At first, he was a really big swearer and I don't like that, and he has changed that for me, which is very important to me.
Yesterday he informed me about something he wants ME to change.
He said he wants my views to change on oral, I'm not comfortable doing it and he said he won't be "satisfied" if he can't do it to me and I can't do it to him.
I'm 21, he's 24 and I'm really worried. Am I crazy?... Should I be doing this to make him happy? I don't mind doing it once in a while, just not every single time (which is what he expects).
What should I do? Do most men expect it every time? I've only been in one other relationship and my ex never expected it. Help please!

Answer 1

He is manipulating you. He is using the fact that he changed his swearing habit for you in order for you to engage in more sexual activities with him.

He needs to respect you and respect that you are uncomfortable with that. It is not a fair deal. If he isn't satisfied with being with you in a non-sexual manor, he isn't the right guy for you.
You are not crazy. You should not do anything you don't want to do to make him happy. Your happiness is priority (especially in a couple-month relationship).

You should tell him you are uncomfortable and that you don't want him to pressure you. If you aren't ready to do something, he should be alright with that (if he is a good guy). If he doesn't respect that, end the relationship. You'll regret it if you don't. RESPECTFUL men, DO NOT expect you to do something your uncomfortable with.

It seems like he's with you for wrong reasons.

Answer 2

There is no "should" in a relationship, sexual or otherwise. You are you, and if you don't like something, don't do it. Perhaps you could look at why you don't like it, though.. sometimes people find that something they just accept as being nasty is actually not so nasty after all, once they've discarded previously-unthought-through prejudices. There is often a strong connection with oral sex being 'dirty', possibly due to early training. Given adequate hygiene, there is no reason why this should be so. Although a recent study suggests that oral sex with more than 5 partners in a lifetime carries a statistically higher risk of throat cancer, the risk is still very small.

Basically, though, if it don't feel good, don't do it. But be sure that it truly is a matter of not feeling good, rather than being afraid. Don't be bullied or pressurised into doing anything you don't feel comfortable with - no-one who loves you would expect this. If your bf really wants this and you don't, perhaps you aren't well-matched - you can't simply change your views to suit him.

Answer 3

Most men expect it sometimes but not EVERY time. They'd LOVE it EVERY time... but not too many girls are gonna constantly slob the knob. If it's something you really don't feel comfortable with doing and he continues to pressure you, it's only going to make you want to do it less. Explain that to him. If he's willing to give in, break up with him because he clearly doesn't care about you. He did change a behavior for you, which is nice, and you have to be willing to change a little as well for every relationship to work. But you shouldn't have to give up your morals or standards for any guy!! I think you know what you need to do, unless you want a sore mouth every night! He's already given you an ultimatum by saying he won't be satisfied. Tell him you aren't satisfied with the relationship and find someone right for you!

Answer 4

Hello. You should never do anything you're not comfortable with. However, this is pretty important to most men. You should ask yourself what it is you're not comfortable with. There could be a lot of things and depending on your answer to that question, some of those things could be remedied. For instance, if you like to know he's really clean, you could always ask him to shower before hand. If you're afraid he's going to ejaculate, you could make sure he knows that's what your fear is and if he's careful to let you know where he's at, you wouldn't object as much to doing it. See where I'm going here.

Now, let's get onto the other issue. "Should I be doing this to make him happy?" My thought on this is, why aren't you doing this to make you happy? If you try thinking of the whole thing in a different way, for instance, the thought of making him happy and pleasing him could turn you on. I know it does me but I approach it from that perspective. The idea that I make him squirm and moan and that I can get him that excited - well, it's become one of my biggest turn ons.

If you love him and you're comfortable with him, this shouldn't be a turn off. If you're not comfortable, something else might be wrong. You have to figure that out. There are some things that happen to us that make certain things difficult if not impossible to enjoy. You're the only one that knows or has the chance to figure out what your issue is with this.

To answer your other question, not all guys want it every time. If he really sees you getting into it and doing it for him from time to time, he may back off the every time. Then again, if you change your perspective, you might use it as foreplay for yourself.

It truly is a matter of perspective......good luck....

Answer 5

Don't do anything that you are not comfortable with, even once in a while. If he loved you, he wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't feel comfortable with, simple as that. You have only had one other relationship at 21 so it is time to take some time out from this relationship and look around and you will find someone more interested in you as a person than a sex toy.
Check out the link I will give you and perhaps it may help you as well raise your self esteem to the point that you will simply say Heck, no, get lost!!

Answer 6

I dated a guy once that wanted me do the same. I was not comfortable doing oral or even handjobs. But he was ok about it. He did not pressure me. Honestly I found it gross for me to do that at that time. We stopped seeing eachother.

Now I'm with someone I truly love. He doesn't ask me to do it. I do it because I want to and I enjoy it.

But not everyone is the same, if you just don't want to do it, tell him. If he's a cool guy he will understand. If he doesn't well... perhaps you should consider if this relationship is right for you.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

You should never do anything you are not comfortable with, and if he cannot accept and respect your feelings, then he is not the man for you. Yes, many men think that their woman should give oral anytime he wants it, in reality, most women don't. There is no reason you should change how you feel about this just because he tells you to.

Answer 9

Every man loves that. But let me tell you something, and never forget it, if he can't accept you or your views on oral sex, then sweetie....you should say your good byes now, he'll always expect you to do that for him, and he'll never let you forget it when you don't, he'll most probably try to put the guilt trip on you, making you feel that you HAVE to do it. When it comes to sex, men have a great way of making the girl feel obligated to do YOUR part.....But do it willingly not because you feel you MUST do it. My advice is to say CIAO BABY if he won't accept it.

Answer 10

Forcing yourself to do something you're not interested in constantly will only make you go from not particularly liking it to hating it. You can make an effort to compromise and accomodate his desires by doing it more often, but he has no more right to demand that you do it every time than you would to demand that he never want it. If the two of you can't talk and find a middle ground, then maybe you need to find other people who will satisfy your needs.