im a young parent...i need advice??

Question

I use to have a hard time dealing with my son who is 17 months.Since i am a young mom i use to spend most of the week with my son and the weekends partyin with friends...I recently had a good wake up call when i realized that i needed to grow up and stop..since i have stopped i have become so attached to my son more and been spending all my time with him but the times i went out with friends i did neglect him alot..I still feel so bad, because I hadnt taken him to a doctors check up since he was about 7months. Im scard because im afraid to take him, of what the doctors may say to me.I am going to take him to his checkup tomoorw.I know i am not a perfect parent.Im still young, but do you have any advice on what i can do to be a bettter young parent for my son??

Answer 1

I was a young parent and understand the difficulty. There are so many things that you've yet to learn about life yourself, but now you've added the huge responsibility of caring for a child.
Quite simply, we're equipped physically for children long before we're mature enough mentally.

Here's the good news. I think that you've taken the first big step; you've recoginized your shortcoming and want to correct it. That's it, you see -- wanting to do it will allow you to. Someone else might have made the same initial errors, not care, and continue down the same pathway.

Don't worry about the doctor's visit . Take him for his checkup and let tomorrow be the beginning of what you're going to become as a parent. Recognize that you're still young, can't know everything, made mistakes, but are willing to commit yourself to becoming a solid foundation for your child, and everything will fall into place. You'll have to give up the partying life for a different, more responsible one, but it will be a much more fulfilling one in the long run, as you see the love grow in your child's eyes.

Answer 2

Every child needs to feel safe and loved. We all make mistakes and you made a mistake and woke up in time to fix your problems. Just make sure from now on he's going to the doctor, he's eating good and happy. Talk to your son, play with him and make him feel loved. The friends you have may not be so much of friends because if they were they would have let you know what you were doing was wrong and that you needed to be at home with your child. Try to find a friend who has a child and maybe start play dates, that's always fun. Well you take care and have a blessed day.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are on the right track. Good for you. Keep it up. As for the doctor, don't worry. S/he probably won't say anything. And if they do (God forbid) you need to say, "I understand that I messed up, but I'm doing the best I know how. I don't appreciate you commenting on something that I obviously already know. If you feel that you need to judge me, then perhaps I should find another pediatrician."

I had a doctor tell me that I was doing something wrong because my son had diarrhea. She insisted that I must not have been washing my hands (I was a nurse at the time, of course I wash my hands) and that's why he got diarrhea. I told her the exact same thing I just suggested you to say. Turns out, he had eaten some bad snacks at his cousin's house. All the kids had diarrhea because of it. The doctor apologized. :)

Answer 4

You're already taking a step in the right direction, expressing your want to be a better parent and seeking the help to do so. Check out What to Expect, the Toddler Years, they are great books with good advice. You can also try Cafemom, that is a forum website where you can find a group of young moms like yourself.
Make sure to get your son up to date on his shots ASAP, you can talk to his doctor about a schedule for doing this. I can only stress to you to LOVE your son and shower him with that every day! Give him healthy foods, lots of fun educational play, and a nice structured environment. Good luck!

Answer 5

Do exactly what you're doing now; there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent, but we can all strive to be better ones. Your son can't be used as the brake on your life; you can strive to achieve a better balance between what you want to do and what you have to do and involve your son where you can. Where you can't, have available and maintain close family ties and friendships where you can.

For instance -- I have a 21-month-old daughter and a 5-month-old son -- when I'm with the kids because their mom's at work I bring them with me when I'm running errands and even if they can't react very well, even if they're sometimes embarrassing, I want them to know I'm there. Many's the lunch we've gone out to; I even bring my son in his car seat with me to a men's breakfast on Saturday mornings. More often than not, when people know you're raising very young kids and see you spending time with them, they're more than understanding when you have them with you because they've had to deal with kids themselves.

Don't be afraid of anything regarding the health of your son; going to doctors isn't much fun for adults either, but this is the stage where little ones' immune systems need help. Don't let others pointing out how young you are intimidate you either; you will know far better than self-appointed advisors how to raise your son. It won't be perfect, but no one is. He'll be your son, and good luck!

Answer 6

I have a sister that is still the same way. I take care of her more than she ever has. Be glad that you realized what was going on before it was too late..

So he's 17 months and he hasn't been since he was 7 months?? Wow that is alot of shots missed...but I will tell you, they will be more than happy to see you. I suggest being honest.. Sometimes they may want you to speak with a counselor though. Which I suggest you do. That way they can help you deal with the guilt, and help you with any questions you may have. But they will not take your child away from you if that is what you are worried about. You will proving to them that you have changed and matured and are now ready to take on parenthood by showing up for his appointment tomorrow.

Also, know that spending too much time with your child may not be the best thing for you or him. Is he in daycare? I would suggest that if he isn't then I would atleast get him in a mother's day out program where he would just go about 2-3 hours two or three days a week. That will help with keeping your sanity, and also allow him to interact with other children.

And about the not going out anymore...I don't suggest that. You need your grown up time too. Time once or twice a month where you get to hang out with your friends and possibly go on dates...Stuff similar to that. You aren't a bad mother for having fun.. If anything it makes you a better mother. You are happy...and your son will see that. He wants you to be happy to and being with him all the time isn't healty. Now I'm not suggesting that you go out and get completely wasted on your nights out..but if you are of age...then a drink or two isn't going to hurt you. BUt stay away from the friends that will bring you down.. Don't let them draw you in again. You have come too far to get sucked back in.

Dating is okay too. Don't let your son meet any of the guys until it is definately something that is progressing. You don't need to bring men in and out of his life.. (This is of course, if your not with the father or with someone already) But don't make the mistake that many of friends of mine have...Every other week another man with their mother's and they are having to call someone new "Daddy." I think it's awful to put a child thorugh that... Well good Luck and if you ever have any think that I could help you with..Feel free to email me!!! Congratulations on the new relationship with your son...Enjoy it while he's young...when they get older they aren't so clingy...

Answer 7

i am also a young parent i am 19 years old and my daughter is 8 months going on 9. but i know that you are scared of the Dr. telling you something but you have to do it for your son's good. and i know that once you are used to partyin and going out with friends it's kinda hard to stop, but it is necessary.. dont' worry noone is perfect. but really all i can say is "TRY." It does take alot to take care of a child.. especially when you are young.. don't worry your son will grow up healthy and lilsten to your mom's advise also.. they have alot to say when it comes to their grand children. but yeah if you have any more questions let me know ok.. [e-mail] that is my email incase you need anything k.. well take care.

Answer 8

I'm a young parent, with 2 kids and i believe whatever the situation you feel some guilt when raising children. I felt i'd neglected my eldest once my baby was born, but i think its regardless of my age! As most of my friends say the same thing. Atleast you realise it and are willing to change. Do what you feels best and stop worrying x

Answer 9

Be there for your son. When you have a child at a young age, you miss out on a lot, which is the downfall of having kids at a young age. Family comes first, which means you'll probably have to "neglect" relationships with your friends for a while, and they should understand, because you are a parent, not them.

Answer 10

i am also a very young mom i had my first child at 13 then at 18 and then 21. with my first two children i went out all hours of the night and partied and had fun with my friend never thought about my kids and how i am hurting them. i was forced to give up my daughter when she was 8 monthes and i was only 14 at the time. then with my second son i did the same thing i was a very heavy drinker and didnt care about anything other then me getting drunk so i am going tho a custidy battle because of it. i have sence been clean for almost 2 years and have a beautiful 14 month old boy that i never leave (not even at a babysitter for a couple hours) when we have children at a very young age and we still want to party and have fun then we not only neglect ourself but also our children. it is true what we say we learn as we get older. i wish i could change what i have done in the best but i cant and i just have to live for the day and for the beautiful baby that i have now. i am learning everyday with him and i saw alot of his first like rolling over starting to crawl learning to walk and even his first words. i never got to see that with my other two and i wish i could have but i cant change the past. we just have to forget about the past and better ourself for the future remember your child looks up to you and loves you regardless. it is hard to let go of the past sometimes but we have to for the children your child wont remember that part of you he will only remember the loving caring mother that you are. hope this helps