i need help on what my daughters punishment should be..this is what she did..she is 11..good kid a'-b student

Question

this report card period she got 2 c's which is not like her at all take in perspective her math class she is in the high 7thgrade math so that is understandable for that clas but her reading clss is a c.so.. i had left her home to pick up the other kids at school she took the car keys for the other car we have went in the car started it and layed tire in the driveway and backed the car into the garage dented it not bad can be fixed.. and i didnt notice the tread marks till a few days after this had happend at first she lied about it and denyed it. after she came out and admitted it her story still doesnt make sense soo i had her write a sentence 100x..and told her i will let her know what i come up iwth for further punishment and asked her if she understand why i am punishing her and what she is punished for she got that.. so now i need some suggestions.. because normal groundation of taking things off her dont phase her..could it be her friends should i limit that as well..

Answer 1

take away whatever she likes...

Answer 2

Well...I wouldn't punish her about the grades unless it's all because she's not doing the work. Talk to her teachers to find out if she's missing assignments or skipping class. If she's doing the work...then I would get her a tutor etc and NOT punish her for her grades.

As for the car....well that's a completely Different story. If she gets an allowance...make her give it to you to fix the car. That's what she would have to do if it was someone else's car. And maybe even take her to the hospital to show her how being careless with a vehicle can hurt a person. And writing a sentance 100 times isn't great punishment. Maybe make her go outside and wash and wax all your cars, clean the bathrooms etc.

THEN punish her for lying (that's ALWAYS a separate punishment in our house because when you lie....it makes everything that comes out of your mouth suspect)...I wish we could still wash their mouths out with soap like they used too.

And definitely get to know her friends....if they are all acting that way...then by all means get rid of them. Bad influences can wreck all kinds of havoc with a teen's idea of right and wrong.

And I would ground her from the phone & computer for at least a week (maybe more).

I'm a real strict parent...but I've seen too many kids get away with acting like idiots and they only get worse and worse until the parent is sitting there saying..."what happened?"

Answer 3

Grounding usually means she can't see her friends... maybe that's whats wrong.

Have her work it off. Call it "at home community service". Tell her lying, steeling the car, driving with out a license, and denting the garage door will cost 8 hours of her time. Or a specific amount of work. So clean her room, vacuum the house, wash the cars, help fix the dent... It will let her know what hard work is and will help you get the house nicer (or what ever it is you decide for work).

Getting lower than normal grades is no biggie. If she drops to D's or F's then it's time to be concerned. The best way to prevent that is to pay her per good grade. So $10 for each "A" and $5 for each "B" makes a great positive reinforcement to encourage her to get and keep good grades.

The big thing here is to not change it or let her off after only 2 hours when you said she has to serve 6.

Good luck
Beth

Answer 4

First off I thought a child had to be at least 12 to be left alone, maybe it varies by state I don't know. I have an 11 year old daughter. I think in your situation the sentences were not enough. I would take away all privleges computer, phone, games, tv, and friends. Make her come home directly from school and do chores have dinner and go to her room, no activities in her room.

You also need to make her aware that she could have seriously hurt herself or someone else. I would also tell her that she will have to earn back your trust. I would make sure any spare keys are put up and not let her stay home alone even for 10 minutes. I think you need to be kind of harsh in a situation like this, because if she is going to do something like take your car keys at 11, she needs to know you are serious.

Answer 5

AT 11 she needs a good talking to.

Ask her why she would take the car and then lie about it? Tell her that you are very dissapointed in the choices that she made but that you still love her. Explain what a serious accident she could have caused and how much trouble she could have been in with the REAL authorities.

As for a punishment, I'd limit her friend time. That's usually what hurts the most at that age- not getting to talk to and spend time with your friends. No computer, No TV.

Ask her whats going on in school that her grades are slipping? She could be getting teased or bullied at school especially if she's bright and still struggling to fit in with everyone else.

Answer 6

yikes -- that's scary. i would definitely start by taking away the privilege of being allowed to be on her own because her judgment isn't yet up to it. she should definitely have an adult with her all the time. next i'd have her pay some amount towards the damage ... from her own money if she has some but otherwise by working off the debt through other household chores. if the garage needs to be repainted or something i'd have her do that, too. i'd let her know what the consequences could have easily been (getting seriously hurt or killed, or killing someone else). i'd definitely keep my car keys where she couldn't possibly get them. i'd supervise more when she's with friends; if she's going to other kids' houses i would have them over to my house instead so i could keep track of what's happening. i'd probably not let her go to anyone else's house for a period of weeks, anyway, as part of the consquences, until she establishes herself as more trustworthy. finally, i'd keep a real eye out on her, and also talk to her teachers about what they've noticed. make sure she's not experimenting with drugs or alcohol, which could explain her radical change in grades and behavior.

Answer 7

I think you are missing the bigger picture. This seems (at least by your description) to be a sudden and drastic change in her personality. Instead of being so hellbent on punishing her, you need to take a hard look at what is going on with her. Something might be wrong.

Talk to her teachers and school councelor to see if there is something happening at school that you are not aware of. Has she suddenly started hanging out with new friends that could be influencing her? Could something traumatic have happened to her? Has something happened within the family that may be causing her to do attention-getting stunts?

Before jumping to punishment, try to figure out why your well-behaved child has turned on a dime and see if you can find a way to help.

Answer 8

First i would say talk to her about yy her grades are like that in school, maybe somthing is bothering her so she cant concentrate. Dont go all mean and yelling to her ntill u understand her situation well. If you ground her from EVERYTHING she might even get sadder and not concentrate more in school, and start failing. I rememmber my days in 7th grade and how we changing. If u wanna ground her ground her from only a couple of things NOT everything. Dont LIMIT her friends!!!! I exactly remeber the day my mom did that to me before, i got soo mad because my day would be horrible home then school everyday so i couldnt concentrate and i started failing couple of tests and quizzes.Good luck!!!!Hope i helped!!!!

Answer 9

I do not believe in giving a bunch of punishments for something done wrong. She wrote the sentence 100 times but what did that prove? The best thing to have done, is to have sat down & had a talk with her about what she did & asked her what is wrong that she did that. I think she's rebelling against you, perhaps. It could go deeper & that's what you have to find out but you will never find out if you aren't understanding when it comes to talking to your daughter. She's starting to go through puberty & lots of things could be going through her mind. What she did was wrong, no doubt about it, & she has to be held accountable for what she did. Give her extra chores to do around the house. That will keep her busy. She has to show you that she can be trusted again, & that will take time, so ask her how she intends to do that. The incident is over, so don't keep bringing the subject up. She could be in with a bad bunch of friends, so monitor that situation carefully. She may be doing things to try & fit in with her friends, while on the other hand, she's going at it all wrong. Be patient but be loving & always tell her & her siblings daily that you love them & hug them each day also. Talk to your daughter & her siblings & build their self confidence & self worth. Trust me, it starts at home.

Answer 10

first of all I would sit her down and talk to her about why shes not doing ad well in school and why in the he ll did she do that with the car. I would punish her by taking everything away from her and tell her shes not getting her license until shes 18. I would also make her come straight home from school, do homework,chores,dinner, then bed. nothing fun at all.

Answer 11

wow!!! sounds like something i did when i was a kid!, this needs to be something that will affect her, if she was getting grounded for bad grades or late for curfew thats one thing but this could have been serious, on the other hand if you go to hars she will rebel and it could get worse, this is a sensitive time for a child you wouldent want to set something off. i would recomend punishing her by grounding her to her room for as long as you see fit, but maybe giving her 1 day during the week to be free , i hope that helped, im not a parent i did however go to school for child physc but there is no experence like beeing a parent mothers know best