How to deal with people when I know they talk bad about me behind my back?

Question

I work in a small community with a collection of shops. It's very slow this time of year, so I often chat with a worker from the shop next to mine. He is very nice, not threatening/hitting on, and also a lot like me, personality wise. He works for a store which has another location directly opposite my store, so it's the two stores (owned by the same person) and me in the middle. The worker often has to visit the other store to get supplies (they are a restaurant and a coffee shop respectively) for his store. Yesterday he came in and we were chatting, when he told me that the workers over at the other store talk about me all the time. They say that I am a gold-digger (because my husband is a doctor) and say mean things about my clothes, and basically pick apart my outward appearance. I was shocked when he told me they always talk about me, because most of them are nice to my face. I am really hurt that these people would say mean things about me when I regularly patronize their store!

He mentioned it yesterday because one of the workers at the other store came in and laughed about my fur coat that I wore, saying that I "must have killed a puppy" when really, I just like fashion and wear things because I like them. How do I treat them now that I know this, and see/talk to the workers all the time?

Answer 1

BE RESTRICTED IN THIS JEALOUS WORLD. BEING CALM & QUIET MAKES ON SUCCESSFUL.

Answer 2

Start being a little bit more reserved, and make them wonder why you have started to change towards them. They might start wondering why. That will keep them in the loop, and keep them guessing. You also should try and keep your distance from them if you see them during your professional, and social life. I hate phony people. I dont see the reason why people should talk about you behind your back. It seems as if they are the ones with the problems, not you. And many people will tell you to ignore them, but I know from personal experience that that is something that is very hard to do. You cant look at this people everyday and not play over and over in your head what they have been saying about you behind your back. I would suggest you do the same to them, but it would be petty, and I am sure that you do not want to stoop to their level. You are, of course, better than that. After this incident, I would suggest that you start hanging out with other people, or if you dont want to do that, then just stay to yourself. Go about your business, and leave them alone. Another possiblity is this: Can you trust this person who told you that others were talking about you behind your back? Maybe you should start doing a little investigating on your own to locate the original source. I say always get the information from the horse's mouth, and not its friends. And people are really just jealous. That is the main reason for dislike in the world. People want what others have istead of going out and working hard, and achieving it for themselves. If it were me, I would steer clear of them, and back off from being so friendly. People cant hurt you unless you allow them to.

Answer 3

Why does it bother you first of all? If its not true and has no merit let it go. Gossiping is evil. They have issues not you. Learn from my 17 year old daughter - I have, she walks away and smiles and says nothing. Do you think other customers will stay away from your shop if they hear his gossip? I wouldn't - I would stay away from his shop because he is obviously gossiping and trying to undermind your business which isn't morally acceptable. Everyone has a right to do what they love. And if you love working your shop despite your husband being a doctor....you have that right to do what you want in this life? Someone so close minded as that to say that your husband works and you don't need the money so why are your working is living in the dark ages lol. good luck to you and if I were there I it would certainly make me shop at your store instead of his. I SAY dont let what others think of you - determine where your life goes! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I'm with Jodi C. You took the best advantage of the opportunities life presented you with, and you made the most of your life. I wouldn't obsess over these other people. You'll find lots of fakes and phonies in this world, I'm afraid. Do keep trying to be nice to them, and maybe surprise them with some little gift sometime. This will make them feel awfully guilty.

Answer 5

If you are confident in who you are, then you won't care what other people think of you. I would suggest that maybe these people are making you second guess yourself? If this is not the case, then just understand not everyone will be your friend. People are cruel and jealousy has gotten the best of them. Also, people that talk negatively about others feel bad about themselves, so consider the source of this negativity. ***Enjoy your successes and don't let others deter your from enjoying yourself! You only have one life to live!***

Answer 6

I had the same problem at my other job, but no one told me what they were saying because they talked loudly enough for me to hear it. I came to work on time and did my job, I was polite, but as soon as I clocked out and got in my car, I would cry my eyes out all the way home. Eventually, it got so bad that I quit, and I was so mad when I did!!!!! Now, I stay out of the workplace gossip and just focus on my job.

As far as your situation goes, the worker was wrong for telling you that information. I agree with the posters that have said to kill them with kindness. They don't know you, and because of their ignorance, they never will. You now know the type of people that they are, and you know they are not your friends, which makes the working relationship that much easier.

Answer 7

When they talk behind your back, they are showing that they need to tear you down to make themselves bigger. The only thing they really do is to tear themselves down. The person that told you that they were doing it to you will always be wondering if they are doing the same to him. They now have his mistrust and yours. Also they most likely do it to others that they associate with. It makes for a lonely life because everyone around the ones that talk behind others backs are never trusted by anyone. People will not open up to them or enjoy being around them. It is their problem and they have to live with it.

Answer 8

Most of the answers you received were excellent. This has happened to me in the past and I just avoided the guilty party as much as possible but remained polite when avoidance was not possible. Since you own a shop, you have to be polite with everyone but keep the conversation to a minimum. Do NOT confront anybody: they are not worth it. And Merry Christmas to you dear!

Answer 9

St. Paul said that we should show kindness and mercy to our enemies, "for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Go out of your way to be nice and generous to the people who treat you unfairly--say kind things to them and about them! Compliment them, and ask humbly for help and advice, if it's appropriate.

The worst thing that could happen is that it will make you a stronger, better person. Others will like you better for rising above the pettiness of those who criticize you unfairly. And you might just cause your neighbors to think a bit more about how they talk about people.

Answer 10

Don't shop in their stores anymore, just mind your own business. I don't think anyone really thought you killed a puppy, some people just find fur offensive or gawdy and would naturally make a comment about it.

Answer 11

They may say these things, but why did he tell you? I'd question HIS motives! It's not like they were discussing something that you actually did wrong and needed to correct- they were mean and gossipy. So his repeating these words back to you could only be regarded as mean spirited. I'd say just do your job, keep your distance, and let the mean spirted people do their thing.