Relationship advice. "she wants to take it slow, get to know eachother" Why we moving backwards now? Help

Question

I'm 29.She 25. I've been with this girl for about 3months. Wehave great chemistry and and we both say we love each other. We used to have sex everyday. Recently see said she wanted to take it slow ,cus we were moving to fast. Saying we don't know a lot about each other. . I thought about it and she was right I didn't know her fav food etc.. She said she wanted me to go with teh flow. She said she wanted to be with me ,and didn't want to see other people. Again she says she's in it for the long run ,but it really hurt when she dropped our relationship backwards. Like I said she claims to love me and want to be with me. Mind you I asked her countless times to be straight up with me ,and just end it if she didn't want to make it work and be with me. So do I roll with this are do I end it before getting hurt again? I know my feeling ,but do i believe her when she says she loves me and pronanly will end up with me forever. Any ideas or thoughts? Some advice or anyone with similar situations

This has been going on for the past month. She told me the other night that when we met she was still pretty messed up from her ex-psycho boyfriend.He used to always be so messed up to her, say nasty stuff etc.. never hit her. We met a 1/ ½ months after she placed a restraning order against him. Now she tell me that I am sucj an amazing great guy that when we met how could she not give us a chance. She also states that she just wants to be able to do things for herself because when she was with him she was unable to (gym, relax alone time) She is a very intelligent women. Did I smother her or give her to much love? So Any advice would be nice.

Answer 1

Seems like she scared from her last relationship!
Personally I think she pulled back when she was starting to develop feelings for you.
It's common for people who got out of really nasty relationships.
But I can't really give you an answer what to do. What do you feel in your heart?
Do you want to give her up? To me it sounds like you want to be with this girl.
Talk to her and give it a little time.
Good luck!

Answer 2

I hate to wax too "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" at you; but it is often true that men and women have very different perspectives on sex and intimacy, and if you are measuring the latter by the frequency of the former, you're headed for more confusion. Real intimacy has far more to do with knowing and valuing her as a person than how often you have sex. Think about the long run; you can't have sex 24/7, so what do you do with the rest of your time? You talk, you do things together, you hopefully explore the world as a unit, and gain insights from your different perspectives if you ever get good enough at communication to freely express them. Forgive me for sounding abrupt; but 3 months is hardly enough time to have even scratched the surface. Unless she is giving you some other mixed signals or isn't honest about wanting to be with you, slow down and enjoy the scenery. I give her a lot of credit for even giving you a shot after her last experience. That took a lot of guts, and she must have seen something special in you to even consider it. Show her you are worth it by not getting too anxious or trying to gauge her feelings by how much sex you are having. Hopefully, you are mature enough at 29 to prefer quality over quantity in that regard anyway.
Think about it this way; (perish the thought, but) if you or she had some terrible accident that left you unable to have sex in the usual way, would you/she still stick around, or would somebody decide life without sex was too hard and find someone else. Most people will never have to face that; but I know a person who thought they had a forever thing, only to realize through just such a catastrophic health problem, that their spouse made tracks the minute it became apparent that sex was going to be out of the picture for a while. I don't mean to accuse you of treating her like an object, but if you truly hope to have a lifetime with her, it's critical to start learning to love all those other layers that have nothing to do with physical expressions of intimacy, because that's what really keeps people together. I hope you two can join those lucky few.

Answer 3

I had a similar event happen to me recently. All of a sudden, the relationship felt like it went backwards. I gave it a chance for a few more weeks but it never got back to where it was prior to that occurring. So I walked away. Felt like there was no point going on in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. If this were to occur again to me, I would try to give the same thing. Give it a chance because I do care about her, but tell her to have a nice day if it still does not progress. For whatever you choose to do, good luck.

Answer 4

I think that giving her space and time is the best way to go since she just got out of a really bad relationship. Just think about it she was with a guy that control her every move and she couldn't do nothing by herself. She wants a little freedom and doesn't want to end up in a relationship like that again. No matter her good you are to her, she still wants her space. Just go with the flow and don't overcrowd her. Its not a step back but a step forward taking time to get to know one another.

Answer 5

This is not your fault...this is what happens when someone rebounds a little quickly..In the beginning she is all excited to have something new and exciting and MUCH better than what she had...but then she starts to think about what she thinks she deserves now and missed out on...I say just giver her the space she needs and she will respect you and she will heal from her past relationship and be a better person for you...At the same itme, be careful yourself...don't get hurt and don't jeopordize your own feelings.

Answer 6

well i was in that type of situation and i felt so stupid cuz he knew that i loved him and i told him but he would never tell me and i was ok with it cuz in my heart i felt yes he was gonna tell me ,but then he changed he would cancel on me when we would see each other countless times and he would only call me when his mother wasnt home to screw and it really made me feel like i was his sided hoe i tolded how i felt and he said to whats ur beef now i told him how i was feeling and he said go with the flow dont rush blah blah blah but then he also said were friends thats all and i saud friends no i gave u everything my heart i let that go after what i have been through with my ex and u do this to me i left him he called me lke mth or 2 lata wanting to talk to me but u what i learn 1st not to take things so fast to go slow cuz ppl especially ppl like that will screw u over emotionally my though is u seem like an undestanding guy and even though i have been there and done that u need to understand were she is comeing from she got out of a bad relationship do u know what that is to be in a relationship like were finally u found someone and uu can relax and be u also u should separte alill bit emotionally from her and give her the space and when she finally tells u what she wants then from there u'll know what to do

Answer 7

Hey, you sound like a great guy and she a great gal.

I dont think you have too much to worry about unless you feel that she is being distant...than you might want to consider if something else is going on.

She (25 years old) may be thinking about life in general. She may feel that this is a point in her life she has to decide to committ and possibly marry and have children with you in the future or consider to wait a few more years before she commits 100%

Answer 8

I think you just need to take a step back if thats what she wants, and there is no such thing as too much love. Im sure she just needs some space and time to do stuff on her own. that doesnt mean she doesnt want to be with you. My boyfriend and i have done that we have taken some time apart and we have taken steps back to fix things its not a big deal the fact that shes being so honest with you is great yeah it may hurt but wouldnt you rather her talk to you about it rather than just start pushing you away? hope i helped

please help with mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjEbsD5lwKS8Ubr7CMv1elLsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071129065147AAm2EdS

Answer 9

She needs to get her own emotional well-being fixed first, before she goes onto another person and brings all that baggage with her. Especially from an abusive relationship.
If you love her, you would encourage her to get professional help, and you will go with her if she asks.
Until then, the sex and everything else cannot mean anything to her. You can't go from one relationship whether good or bad to another and claim you're in love in just 3 months. It's more likely lust.
It takes time to fall in love. Most people are in love with ideas and things. Women romanticize relationships. This isn't what is reality.

Answer 10

Sounds like you got a keeper and she is being honest with you... she obviously wants to be with you. Give her some space and dont be an *** or try to force things. Let her take it slow, dont take a 'break' or break up with her... youll end up regretting that decision.

Just stick it out dude, you got nothing to worry about.

HAHA I like Roxana's comment. Quasi is right too