Adoptive Parents - do you consider your adoption story to be a miracle?

Question

Why or why not?

Please explain your answer.

Edit: Interesting to hear all points of view. We "do" consider our adoption a gift from God both for us and our son (because of his situation). So I never thought "not" to call it a miracle.

Edit: So for those who do not feel adoption was "ordained by God", I'm curious as to how you feel about the adoption stories in the Bible also.

Edit: Again, while I appreciate all comments...I was looking for "adoptive parents" to answer this question.

Answer 1

When I read your phrase "because of his situation", it almost made me cry. We have a little one in our house who has been in foster care for 90 % of his life (he is school age to give you an idea). We are currently in the process of a TPR and YES, his adoption will be a miracle based on his situation! It brought tears to my eyes as sometimes I forget that my child isn't the only one who has had as messed up of a life as he has had!

Thanks for bringing me back to reality!

Answer 2

I can totally see why you see your adoption experience and your son's life as a miracle

That said I'm sure you can see some adoptees' and first Moms' POV that it is adoption is no miracle for them

I think reading the words 'miracle of adoption' can feel like a slap in the face for some

For example, given your experiences with infertility, would you find it upsetting if I kept writing 'blessed by the miracle if infertility' if that is what I believed?

I'm just trying to explain how some people might take offense to certain comments. Personally I feel like I want to physically throw up when I see adoption and miracle mentioned within the same sentence. But I have to deal with it.

Answer 3

It was no miracle that society considered my mother "less than" because my father ran out on her. It was no miracle that my mother's parents felt ashamed because of their daughter's pregnancy. It was no miracle that my adoptive parents wanted pet sisters for their natural son. It was no miracle that my adoptive father hated females yet adopted two. It was no miracle that I lost my mother at birth, and no miracle that I suffered for that.

What would be a miracle? A miracle would be for me to wake up tomorrow with all that damage UNdone. THAT would be a miracle.

Answer 4

No, I do not consider it a miracle or ordained by God. I think it is offensive to everyone involved in my daughter's adoption to say that all of the painful circumstances that led to the need for her adoption and the grief and loss that resulted from her adoption were ordained by God. You should have seen the grief on the face of my daughter's birthmother when she had to say goodbye. You should have seen the pain and fear in my daughter's eyes the first few days she was with us. When she no longer had her foster parents, the people who had always taken care of her and was suddenly with people she didn't know and didn't know would meet her needs. I can't really believe God wanted that pain, or the pain that we endured with infertility.

Answer 5

I've noticed that you've modified your sig line, BPDwife, and I want to let you know that I, for one, appreciate that.

I can understand why, when it seems as if everything has fallen into place perfectly, the word people want to use is "miracle." I don't think it's the best word, because there are so many specific religious connotations to that particular word. Also, and more importantly, it doesn't take into account everything that lead up to the moment where you might be able to think of it as a miracle.

Everything that lead up to the time when you were able to take that child into your home and (literally) save his life was filled with pain and confusion and sadness, for him and for his first family. The "miracle," as it were, didn't start until then. Before, was not a miracle. But before is part of the story, so referring to the whole story as a miracle doesn't sit right, at least for me. Does that make sense?

For adoptees, the story of our lives doesn't begin with the "miracle" of adoption. It begins long before, with the non-miracle of being an unwanted conception. With the non-miracle of being inside someone who is confused, sad, angry, afraid, or perhaps even unaware and uninterested. With the non-miracle of a birth that is not pure joy. With the non-miracle of losing an entire family and identity, either immediately or in the years to follow. For us, our roots are not a miracle, no matter how wonderful our life with our adoptive family turns out to be.

I hope this answers your question. I've answered from my identity as an adult adoptee rather than as an adoptive parent to my children, because I think I understand how to answer better from that first identity.

Answer 6

Don't faint, rofl, but no I don't (shock horror gasp, I know). The reason is that to me, a miracle indicates that it was something so amazing, so wonderful, so perfect for everyone involved that it could've only come from God himself. Now, for me, the adoptions of my children certainly were amazing, wonderful and perfect. As an aparent I can definitely see how aparents feel its all of those things. However, I also know I'm not the only player in this adoption thing. I don't know if my kids would or will consider their adoptions a miracle. I mean, yes they were living in orphanages and may have had a bleak future otherwise, but they lost SO much too. Mine didn't just lose their parents, they lost caregivers, bed/crib mates, friends they'd been with since birth, their language, culture, country, last names (I kept their first and middle names), and the ability to always just be a regular everyday *real kid* (my adoptee friends know what I mean when I say *real kid*, I don't mean they aren't real kids), who people don't stare at or ask personal questions about or treat differently. And I know its not a miracle for my childrens first parents. How could losing your child be a miracle? I don't know who, what, why, when or how it happened, but I know my daughter was surrendered shortly after birth (she had her umbilical cord and was still covered in goop) and my son was kept for 3 months before he was left. Thats not miraculous, thats just heartbreaking. My kids and their original parents are going to have to suffer that loss their entire lives, just like my mother and I have.
Its miraculous in the same sense that surviving an accident that takes the lives of your entire family and traumatizes you is a miracle. Yes, you survived and you can have a great life afterwards, but you lost everyone and you'll always live with the pain no matter how great your life is. I just can't call adoption a miracle when it can cause so much heartache for the other parties involved. Obviously I dont think adoption is always all bad or else I wouldn't have adopted two children myself, but in my opinion (and this is not to judge or insult you or anyone else who says this, just to explain since you asked) calling it a miracle focuses solely on the aparent and dismisses the feelings of the child and his/her original parents.

Answer 7

BPD Wife, thanks for asking the question. I enjoy reading the view points. Here is what I wrote to Heather H's question:
No, because I believe that a birth is a miracle but then again I have two very wonderful people that adopted me. They had to go to court and everything because the social worker told my mom she would rather see me grow up in foster care than with two white people. Well the day we went to the court house to finalize everything and she was there, that social worker never stepped foot into that court room. So, i guess you could call it a miracle that she came to her senses. I know that the word "miracle" is touchy. So, I try not to use in describing adoption. I don't want to hurt any ones feelings.

So, we all see things differently. But I think we are all thankful for having wonderful people in our lives that cared for us and loved us. =)

Answer 8

Not a "miracle", but truely a blessing. Our son would have ben aborted do to drug exposure and IUGR, and God placed me ih his B-moms path for a reason.

I wasn't ready to adopt (I thought), but the funds came through and he was born not a second to early. Another day and he wouldn't have made it do to sepsis. So many thing came into place for him to survive. His b-mom trusting her body, docs pulling out all the stops to kep him going

we were tolthat he would be retarded, but now at 2 years old he is healthy, happy and beyond a 2 year level.

I'm greatful everyday for my babes and hubby. they are my life.

Answer 9

i've read the entire bible, and I've never seen any story in it where the legal parental relationship was changed, where records have been sealed and identities remain a secret. I've seen cases like moses where he was raised by parents other than his natural first ones. After his mother was forced to let go of him, by the ordered slaughter of all firstborn sons by what turns out to be moses's replacement father. But she then was able to breastfeed him and keep him thereafter until he naturally weaned which was quite a few years back then. Which, means he was able to stay with his mother, know his mother and know his siblings while breastfeeding.

There is no case in the bible that is like the legal adoptions of today.

I do NOT believe for one minute that God plays a part in adoption. God wants his children to be happy, he doesn't want us to suffer. Especially orphans, real orphans. Many of us aren't even orphans we're labeled as such to make the adoption sound better. Saving an orphan or saving a child who...didn't really need to be saved ( which sounds best to you? )

Playing the whole "moses was adopted" card to me is a cop out. Moses wasn't adopted. He was raised by parents that weren't his blood. Then after finding out about his truths, he in turn led his blood, his clan, his people to freedom away from the enslavement of the people who raised him. He turned on his "adoptive family" to free "his people." His adoptive father, was the reason why he had to leave his mother in the first place. If his mother wasn't a slave, and an order of death hadn't been put on the sons of the slaves, his mother never would have floated him in a basket to risk saving his life that way. She would have been able to keep him.

Answer 10

No. Miracle implies there is something magical or spiritual about it. There is nothing miraculous about adopting.

It is a great thing for kids in real need. It provides opportunity to kids who might have had none. It provides stable homes to kids in neglectful or abusive homes. But, in my mind, this is our social responsibility as members of a civilized world to help and protect children. There is nothing miraculous about it.

Answer 11

No....not a miracle. Allot of hard work, self examination, many disappointments, heartbreak. In the end, we have a fabulous child.