I am getting married in oct. on a friday. We are making a guest list to send save the date cards so they can ask off work if need be. My fiance's mom is so negative about it. She says "such and such wont show, this person has to work, etc." My mom is paying a lot of money for our ceremony site and I want the place as full as possible. It only holds 100 so we need 50 from each side. My family could fill the place but I wanted to keep it as even as possible! She acts like no one will show up to my big day! She thinks money is an issue for us and it is not! she doesnt want to invite people because we are paying $20 a person at the reception, which is fine for us! I need her help making sure that everyone is properly included but I just cant please her. Im including her in all of the wedding plans and she is very helpful and excited except when it comes to the guest list. She alsi says "well, this is a day for you and your mom!" which isnt true! I want her to be a part of it just as much!
2007-11-29 00:11:09 · 11 answers · asked by katie-bug 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to tell her these things. Even if she says so and so can't come, invite them anyway, she really doesn't know if they can come or not. People like her, you just have to kinda ignore and move on. But must at all cost be friends with them or they can make your marriage a living torment. Good Luck and congratulations.
2007-11-29 00:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can you get a hold of the people without her? If you can than don't ask her about the guest list again. Tell your fiance that you want him to get the address and such. Make her a part of everything else, but not the guest list. In October that is a long way off, these people have plenty of time to make sure they can get off work. Save the date cards are a good idea in your situation.
Good luck and congrats.
2007-11-29 00:17:13 · answer #2 · answered by rae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your mother in law is great with all of the wedding plans except the invitations they why do you need to focus on the one thing she is not good at? Do the invitations yourself with your soon to be hubby. It is your wedding, what is the big deal? Send out the invitation, when you get the response card you will know who is going and who is not. It is not up to anyone else to decide who has to work or can not attend your wedding other then the person you are inviting.
Get the guest list from your mother in law name and address
and send out your cards save the date and be done with it.
You would have less stress if you did it your self or paid someone to do it rather then waste your energy trying to get your mother in law to do it your way.
2007-11-29 02:12:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First question: Do your families live really far apart? If your having it in your hometown and their side all has to travel, I think she has a right to be a little snooty. If its the same town and that side doesn't have to travel, then I don't know what's wrong with her.
When she says crap like "this is your day", tell her no, its you and your fiance's day and you want her to be just as much a part. As the planning goes on, make sure you get her opinion on as much stuff as possible so she feels included.
2007-11-29 02:25:08 · answer #4 · answered by Allison L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well in a way im sorry but i do agree with your MIL.. although she shouldnt keep saying it and making you stress about it, it is true.. if money is not an option for you then may i ask why the heck you would have a wedding on a friday???? that is probably where she gets the inkling that money is a problem.. having a wedding on a friday definitely decreases the percentage of people that will attend.. if it is so important to you to have a certain amount of people at you big day, then again i ask why in world would you have it on a friday?????????
EDIT:
o and one more thing.. if thats the only problem she is giving you.... YOU'RE LUCKY GIRL!!!! she just wants you to be prepared.. its really not a big deal.. im sure she thinks shes helping you
2007-11-29 02:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell her there is nothing wrong w/ just asking these guest if they can come. The worse answer you will receive is that they can't make it.
Also, in form her that you want her to be a part of your family and that is why you are including her in the planning.
2007-11-29 01:46:05 · answer #6 · answered by Squiggly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of crazy mother-in-laws!! My future mother-in-law, we are getting married in september 08, is about the same as what you are discribing. She wants everything to do with the wedding but doesnt want to put forth the effort. she thinks that its best for my mom and i to do everyone, and she will just hand out a little money from the rehersal dinner later. Personally, i just dont talk to her about much. I tell her this is what we are doing, this is what is going on this day, come if you want, dont come if you dont want....and she is okay with it, or so i think, then she tells my fiance how terrable of a person i am! she seriously is nuts!! but anyway....i think that you need to just sit down with you future MIL, and let her know, money is not an issue, and you just want to have the best wedding you can.....and you want her to be a part of everything. She probably wont listen, but at least you have said your peace! Good Luck with everything and congrats on your wedding!!
2007-11-29 00:22:56 · answer #7 · answered by Jill Michelle 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Have her make up a list of all the people she wants invited that she thinks will come then. I bet she will be surprised at how many people she is able to put on her list.
2007-11-29 01:21:57 · answer #8 · answered by vaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, you can tell her that you already feel like she is a mom to you and that you feel it is also her day.
Unless people have a long distance to travel, they will usually make an effort for your Friday wedding. I did and it was for the step-son of my cousin who I really didn't know very well.
2007-11-29 00:20:29 · answer #9 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She probably feels it’s a lot of money but her way of showing it is horrible. If you are angry about it, leave it for a while and clear your head on what you really want. If your fiance’s list is short, it’s ok. She probably has her own problems with her people.
Just don’t cut her off altogether.
2007-11-29 00:23:49 · answer #10 · answered by SK 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋