How Do We Know When It's The Right Time To Judge Someone?

Question

This is a tough question that I have been struggling with alot lately.

When I am getting to know someone new I tend to think about things that happened in my past with other relationships. Because I sometimes see myself making the same mistake more than once.
But this can't be fair to compare them because as they say, all guys are not alike.

But, at the same time, we should learn from past experiences to notice the little red flags that warn us about potential incompatibilities.

But I know I too have all kinds of red flags about me and I would want someone to give me a fair chance at love.

So, I am doing a poll to see, how do we all know when it is best to pay attention to little warning signs and when best to dismiss them so that we are not basing our opinion on past experiences?

Alot of you are saying oh i think you need to get to know someone blah blah blah... but I thought it was obvious I am talking about WHILE getting to know them. I mean I don't want to get to know a guy for a month or so and get into a bad situation. Like after spending that time, finding out he does hard drugs or is abusive. Some people hide those things very well. I want to know how do I know if something is a warning sign that I definitely need to get away from them before it goes to that point without just judging them on my past relationships and while still keeping my past relationships as experiences to learn from...

Answer 1

Everyone should learn from there past, but not bring the negative elements into a new relationship. No not all guys are the same and do deserve the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. Its best to be honest about the red flags because in the end, you teach people on how they should treat you. It accumulates over time and the red flags become a serious threat to the relationship. It's just a matter of how much it does or does not bother you. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

listen look for the serious life altering red flags. sometimes we look at petty ones and make mistakes of course but u know when u see something wrong. the first thing i would notice if all of a sudden there is a pattern change. leaving the room to talk on the phone. u know u can tell who someone is talking to. gone for long periods of time and playing phone games. alot of argueing then someone leaves. when things start heading that way too the point where u are stressing yourself out then let it go. i always said everyone is entitled to mistakes but not too many. i met the wrong guy and was lucky to get away. im not tryin to scare you or making you start watching and looking for any sign. like i said if its something you know that affects you and you know it is a serious red flag then move on. alot of things must be happening for you to post this.

Answer 3

Look for someone unlike other guys you have dated for one thing - give them a chance to not set off your flags, plus is sounds like you have not been batting 100 lately, eh?
Also look for guys in other places - like stop going to the bars since there you will only meet "bar guys" who tend to have the same issues. If you like car guys, try music guys instead. If you like painters and artists, try racing fanatics. If you like sports fans, try journalists or attorneys - get it? If you like guys like the ones who have hurt you, you will get hurt. So looking at any other kind of guy really ups your chances of finding someone better. Hang out other places, join the gym, join the jaycees, join the chamber of commerce, join the authors readings group at the library, join the Nature Conservancy, join the survival skills hiking club - do something different that the guys who you tend to gravitate towards would never do and see what else life has to offer.

Answer 4

I saw really take your time and become good friends. I have a guy that is attracted to me, and I can't return it. I was thinking the other day that he has probably not healed from his past relationships to like me because I can't give him what he needs. He is looking still for people that cannot meet his needs. I try to keep my distance, because I do not want him to get hurt.

Answer 5

8 years with the police department has taught me many things, one of them is that everyone is judgmental at one point or another. what differentiates you from a racist or a bigot is how you judge. do you do it to help others or point out flaws with no kindness in your heart? judging people is in our nature and yes you should be looking for warning signs of potential problems especially if you see a familiar characteristic of someone who might hurt you. if you use honesty and show faith in a future partner/friend/lover you will not only learn more about yourself but you will grow faster emotionally.

Answer 6

Usually, within the first month tell-tale signs will indicate whether you should move forward. Just don't blindly look past them, because a lot of people tend to be "blinded" by what they want instead of looking at what is right in front of them.

Answer 7

hard question indeed, but what i would do is see if they can be trusted by not letting you down on things you ask them to do for you.
listen carefully to there answers to questions you put to them about there lives, the clues are there you just have to tune into them.
study hard to there answers by looking and listening, looking away from you while answering a serious is a sign, but you Know this ????.
try and hold there attention, but you will know your own feelings are mostly never wrong.
good luck my thoughts are with you on this question.

Answer 8

My mother always told me to go with my gut. You probably have these nagging feelings for a reason. Unless you think you're just an overly critical person.

Answer 9

NEVER dismiss the little warning signs.

Answer 10

i try very hard not to judge anyone ---- as far as "signs" go ---- what are they and do they really mean anything??? ---- everyone is going to do something we are not used to --- what you have to ask yourself is what is important this habit of theirs or the relationship we are developing??? ---- if the relationship is not that important then yes you are going to see all sorts of things that will cause you to leave ----- best wishes