What can I do to help my 6-year-old son?

Question

My six year old son is one of the smartest kids in his class. He is really interested in school, and loves to participate, which shows in the grades he receives from school. However, he is constantly getting in trouble for disrupting class and for talking back to teachers. I even have to tell him more than once to do almost everything.

He knows I am the boss, and as a single-parent, it is sometimes hard to get him under control and to understand that he should respect others and be able to make his own decisions about what is right and what is wrong. However, most of the excuses about bad behavior start with the phrase "But my friends asked me to..." I have told him to do what he feels is right, and I know he listens and understands what I am saying, but it seems he keeps making the same mistakes. And he even lies to me. He doesn't even try to hide it. They are such blatant lies, that it is rediculous.

How can I help him change his ways?

He is currently on a reward schedule, but I think I need to change it up a little bit.

As for school, I know that they are working with him, as he is ahead of his class in all of the subjects, but they have already said that giving him harder work is not an option.

As for the home life, I do not have anybody walking through the house at anytime of day (Besides me and my son), so that is definitely not a problem.

Answer 1

I had to double take to make sure I didn't post this question LOL! I'm a single mom of a gifted six year old boy who doesn't listen to me and tells ridiculous lies. The only difference is that he isn't having any major problems in school (though he did have some in kindergarten and a few at the beginning of first grade).

One thing you may want to consider (and perhaps discuss with his teachers) is the possibility that your child is bored...at six, he may still be interested and participating but if he isn't being challenged enough, his behavior may be a result of increasing boredom. I was bored out of my skull starting in first grade...I checked out and found other ways to amuse myself during school, sometimes disrupting and talking back to teachers...by high school, I was a terror who had little respect for teachers and earned only marginal grades.

One reason my son may not be having the same kinds of problems in school is that we are blessed to have a special magnet school for gifted children in town. They accelerate and enrich the curriculum so that these highly capable kids can continue being challenged. My son is doing second grade math and his reading has jumped more than a grade level in the three months since school started. They keep him so busy, he doesn't have time to disrupt class (and they have a great warning system involving a first verbal warning, then writing a child's name in "the book"...next warning for same behavior and a note goes home...staying out of the book for a week earns a reward on Friday...my son gets his name in the book about once a week but has has only one behavior report (early in the semester).

Another thing that did a lot for my son was getting him involved in Tae Kwon Do...he started at four and earned his black belt two weeks ago! The emphasis on discipline (and his natural awe of the skills of the men that teach the class) combined to help him understand the concept of respect for authority. I (and the instructors) repeatedly emphasized the authority of teachers and it shows in his behavior at school.

Another thing...they told us at the parent orientation that we should expect our kids to go through a rebellious phase sometime during their sixth year...fortunately it starts winding down when they hit seven and they learn other ways to satisfy their drive for independence.

Another tip that seems to be working (slowly) for me as my son gets closer to seven. Consistency and communication are major keys. My son told a silly lie today because he wanted money to buy something from the school store...he told me the teacher told him to tell me to send a check for $19.95 for more paper tomorrow (LAUGH!!!). When I explained that I would need to talk to his teacher, not because I didn't believe him, but because it wasn't appropriate for his teacher to send verbal messages to me through him...that she should have written a note! That got him to admit the truth. Now comes the consistency, he won't get the item he wants because "Mommy never rewards lying"...and he knew this without the total loss of control I was seeing a month ago when I enforced a rule he didn't like!

Keep on chugging along darlin', they grow out of it (temporarily at least) once they realize that these behaviors hurt rather than help their chances to get what they want. ...and if you aren't doing it already, give church a try...my son has learned lessons in children's church that positively influenced his behavior and I've gotten a few great tips from sermons for dealing with disobedience since we started going a year ago. I don't threaten my child with God, but it does help to remind him that God wants me to teach him obedience to me so he can later learn obedience to God!

EDIT

By the way, the marble tip earlier is AWESOME...we use poker chips that count as money he can use to buy various rewards...my son is into money and math so he likes the counting, adding and subtracting. First time obedience when I ask him to do something earns a chip...arguing, talking back earns one warning...if he continues the behavior, he owes me a chip. Worked on a few behaviors at a time...worked great already for brushing his teeth, going to bed, and keeping his room picked up (though I've let that slide lately...busy mommy)...going to try it next with lying and see if it works!

Answer 2

First try to give him an opportunity to make better choices, and at the age of 6 he will need a visual reminder of his positive choices. Start tracking his behavior. This is really easy... you can give him an empty water bottle, and when he has exhibited good behavior in class for the day, he gets to put a marble in it. Bad behavior means he takes a marble away. When he fills the bottle to the top, give him a reward for his good choices (a day at the zoo, new books, etc.). Also, ask his teacher to notice what time of day he is making bad choices. Often students will make bad choices immediately after lunch or specials because they're antsy. If you notice it happening at a certain time of day, the teacher can help to keep him on the right track by giving him a task or something.

Answer 3

Have you had him checked for hyper activity?If he is that smart he may be bored at school. Are there emotional conflicts at home? You could role play situations so he can practice the appropriate responses. Does he get in trouble when he tells you the truth?In our home things were worse when they were lied about rather than truthful. The next thing is, he may be being sexually abused.Any how, 6 is a moving on age testing you (6 was the pits!). But it sounds like you may need more help for him and /or you and maybe a parenting class?I had to take workshops to work with emotionally disturbed youth and boy did they come in handy raising my daughter!!
Um this sounds nosy but are u cycling ladies thru your house? This could also be a part of it and how much time does he spend alone or at his daycare? and how good is his day care or after school care?
Good Luck!!

Answer 4

When he lies, make sure you have consequences, such as no tv or video games.
He may be bored in school, if he is very smart, he may be above the level that the teacher is teaching. See if he or she can give him something a bit harder to challange him.
He may need to be separated from the other kids if he keeps getting into trouble with them.

Answer 5

Guide his behavior and restrict treats and social activities when he does lie, make a contract with him, no lies--a movie --lies no movie or game time or whatever he enjoys doing. Try a reward system instead of just honor at 6years old we are a bit to adventuresome for that, he needs structure to know the boundaries and the rewards or repercussions. Good luck!

Answer 6

It honestly sounds like he knows how smart he is he may even be bored with the simplicity of the school work and believe that he is too smart or above the teacher to have to listen to her
you should see about getting him involved in a gifted program

Answer 7

Is he disrupting class because he finds the lessons too easy?

Is it possible for the teacher to give him more advanced work?

You need to get the difference through to him between "knowing" things (knowledge) and "thinking about things" (wisdom) - or applying his knowledge.

Answer 8

Take things away from him and privileges to. Like going to friends houses, playing with this or that toy ect.

Answer 9

Get his IQ chesked...gifted kids are often disruptive...he may not ne challenged enough by the work on offer.

Answer 10

maybe the reason your son is talking back to his teachers is because he is bored, and he doesn't knkow any other way to express himself other than negativly. talk with his teacher and see if you can devise a plan to make his learning more stimulating.