How do I make my son popular?

Question

I have a 13 year old boy, very cute, dark hair, big blue eyes, but quiet and a little chubby. He is still a little short, his father myself and his big brother are all 5'10"- 6+ ft so I know his growth spirt is coming. He is a computer smartie and kinda a goodie goodie. I am very proud of him! He is funny and charming, polite and creative, but he is shy around others. I am trying to get him slimmed down by changing his meals, taking him in to get his hair cut to a modern style. He stays alone alot. Everyone that meets him loves him, I am trying to get him into groups, clubs, programs. I hate to see him alone with such low self esteem. Nothing seems to be working. What are *GOOD* kids today into?

Ok so this has really gotten taken wrong. I am not trying to make him what he isn't I am trying to help him feel better about hisself. I am not the pressuring kind of mom. He is unhappy with hisself and it hurts to see him this way. I do not want him to be anythiing other than who he is. He is a wonderful person! I am very very proud of him!! HUUH BUT... nobody seemed to read that part. Kids are cruel and mean. He gets Bullied alot. Judging by all your comments adults aren't much better. Open you minds to my question don't just jump and judge me. I am trying to make him happier not create a monster. I don't want superficial stuff I am seeing what can I do to HELP him not change him! I thought it was safe to ask. I had no idea there were so many voltures on here!

Answer 1

Here is a simple guideline for you. DONT.

That is the worst possible thing you can do.


OK, let me explain. i don't mean any offense, but if he is 13, he should be picking his own hairstyle and he should be worried about that, not you. Be there as a support for him when he fails, but he should be allowed to become independent, especially at that age. I am glad to see such devotion to a child, but he is getting older and needs to make his own decisions. If he is good with computers, encourage that! That will help him SO MUCH when he is older.

But quit frankly, there really is no such thing as popular. People are always going to be jerks. some people are liked a bit more than other people by groups, but that's not a bad thing, because that is how life is. so, let him relax and have fun. if he wants to be alone at home on the computer, than that is what he enjoys. He does need to go out and get exercise and fresh air now and then, but don't worry about him too much.

:P


P.S. Please don't take what i told you as harsh or impolite in any way. A mother that will push her son into activities and cut his hair will lead to the exact opposite result of what you seem to want for him.

Answer 2

HI, leave your boy alone.
You do not HAVE a son. He has himself, you are there to prepare him to be an adult and to enjoy his life.
He may end up short and a little chubby or he may be 6'5' and skinny.
He is not his outsides. I can just hear him pedaling as fast as he can to keep up with you guys.
Don't slim him down. Get all your family eating well, and go for bike rides together. Hike, or go to nature walks.
He is not a project, he is a person.
Maybe he has low self-esteem because he is not enough for you as he is. If he is, let him know it. Praise him.
Tell him the world is wrong to worship popularity and social skills. And tallness.
Tell him it is a lie told to sell toothpaste and deodorant.
Tell him he matters, and what he has to contribute right this minute, to the world has very little to do with his body, except taking care of it to live long enough to do it.
I would recommend Tai kwon do--if he is into it.
Theater-local theater-is great, too. Do it WITH him.
He is competing with you 3 and coming up short. Stop.

Answer 3

Could his low self esteem be because his mother cares more about his popularity than about him?

That's how it was for me. My mother was more concerned with my looks and my friends than me. I can still hear her, "Why don't you change your hair?", "She looks nice why aren't you friends with her?". At 21 I cut my long hair to donate to locks of love and my mothers response was, "thats just like you, when long hair finally comes into style you whack it all off."

And a important point about the *GOOD* kids, the girl that looked nice and I should be friends with was two faced, did drugs, and drank but always put up a "good" front so the adults would think she was an angel. There may be a good reason he doesn't join in clubs and groups.

Answer 4

Just be careful not to create another empty adult. We're already full of them. Try to give him some challenges and rewards for activities accordingly to his age like washing dishes for some dollars instead of giving him everything he wants if it's the case.

There is no will without a need first. Every will we have was born from a need. With will and desire for something he'll change himself and end up popular and successful in his life.

Answer 5

Stop trying to change who he is. You say he is a "goodie goodie" as if that is something bad to be kind, generous, sweet, and liked by others. Besides, you also say he is loved by everyone he meets. Why would you want to change him to make him liked by the "popular" kids. Just let him be who he is. Encourage him by emphasizing the things he does well, the things he is good at... like a great smile, generous spirit, so polite, creative. The things you mentioned are great... build his self-esteem that way, but please don't worry about making him popular. We can't please or be liked by everyone, so encourage him to become good friends with those who like him for who he is. It's a great feeling!

Answer 6

Lady, get some psychological help for yourself. Here you are worried about how you can make the kid popular. You've got his height all figured out. You're snazzing his hair up with mousse. Let the kid find his niche. You're trying wayyyyyyy too hard to make this kid something you can live through vicariously. Have you ever thought that perhaps his lack of self-esteem has something to do with you???

Answer 7

give him a handfull of cash and new hair cut and send him out the door....
(TLS has a point!)

they'll flock to him, but for all the wrong reasons.

don't worry about popularity. its all a crock anyway. the kids will turn on him and it will make him feel worse.

the only person that can do it "right" is him and he WILL make mistakes and so will the kids around him.

Its called beign a teenager. I went through the same thing.
I was who I was and thats the most important thing to me....

I didn't understand it then and hated it, but know I understand how superfical my expectations where.

Answer 8

You need to let him be really I mean he's a growing boy and that's how kids that hurt people when they grow up are pushed into it. By being pushed by their parents to be more than who they already are! Just let him choose his life like you said he is only 13 he has a long way to go !

Answer 9

If you attempt to push your son to become something that YOU want him to become he will most likely end up resenting you later on.

Encouraging him to try new activities is a healthier approach. Ultimately, it is his decision to get involved with a certain sport or particular group.

Answer 10

Have you had him checked for possible depression? It wouldn't hurt to talk to a child psychologist. Afterall, it is the new "in" thing to do. ;) I'm not recommending drugs. They are over rated and over used inmy opinion, among young folks. I'm talking about possible therapy. I wish I done it when I was his age.

Also, you mentioned diet. Pay CLOSE attention to his moods vs. what he eats. I had VIOLENT mood swings among other issues, growing up that I, nor my parents, understood. I didn't realize what was going on until was in college.

I would have been MUCH better off had my parents taken an extra step and had me checked out. Diet plays a VERY important role in bringing peace to what is normally a very scrambled mind as a teenager anyway.

As far as making him "popular", be careful what you wish for. Leave well enough alone and let those cards fall where they may.