why does my daughter judge me for NOT being a vegetarian?

Question

My daughter is an adult, married with young children of her own. Until she was about 15 she ate everything...loved a good rare steak etc. Then, she decided to become a vegetarian. I always worried about her health (and still do) because I do not feel she is a "healthy " vegetarian. We are very close and always have been, but I learned long ago not to question how she eats, because it just angers her and she is very stubborn and has very strong convictions. Naturally she is raising her children on a vegetarian diet too. The oldest is now starting to notice the things my husband and I eat when we are with them. I love my granddaughter so much and it hurts when she asks me things like, "why do you eat dead animals?" I feel like she is being taught to judge those that are not vegetarians. I don't want to say anything to her that will anger my daughter, but I feel inclined to say SOMETHING in support of what I choose to eat. I NEVER say anything because I just don't know what to say.

In response to some of the comments already made I would like to add that I DO respect my daughter's decision to not eat meat. I NEVER question her diet AT ALL. I only worry because I have seen what her family DOES eat and it is primarily, carbs..bread, pasta, peanut butter pizza cheese and some fruits and veggies, but the fresh fruits and veggies and non meat, high quality protein, like tofu, are expensive and they do not have much money.
I DO value the lives of animals, and I thank God that I have never been so hungry or so poor that I would have to slaughter an animal to keep from starving. That would be hard but I think lots of my ancestors did have to do that. Aren't we lucky that we live in a time when progress and technology make it possible for us to SAY we want to be a vegetarian, and not have to worry that there wont BE any vegetables at our grocery stores in mid-winter. I think about the oil, pesticides,etc. used to bring all this produce to us..Think about that!

Answer 1

To start, this is the Vegetarian/Vegan section so you are unlikely to get any sympathies, straight facts or respect from the vegehead fanatics that patrol these pages. You would have been better off asking this in the "Family/Relationships" category as this seems more of a family question than a food question.
You have shown tolerance and respect for your daughter's lifestyle choice. Up to now, you still show a lot of sensitivity about it and are consciously avoiding any kind of confrontation. But she seems not inclined to reciprocate the gesture. Painful as it may seem, you need to accept th fact that your daughter is no longer that cute little kid that you once raised. She is now an adult with her own life and family. They are her responsibility and though it may not seem that way, she is teaching them what she thinks is best. That's about all a parent could and should do.

Sadly, there is little you can do about your grand kids either. Unless you see outright abuse, you have very little say in their upbringing. just answer them as accurately and a kindly as you can. Explain why you do what you do in a manner in which kids of their age can understand. if they ask a question you can't answer at the moment, then just smile and say something like, 'Well hon, Grandma is weird that way.." to avoid some philosophical debate.

good luck

Answer 2

Tinned food can be produced and packaged locally along with dried fruit, nuts, seeds and just about anything else. A vegetarian diet does not necessarily require transport... in fact meat is the most environmentally damaging 'food' on the planet. The animal's food is shipped from developing countries where starving people are living right next to fields full of food which is grown for and sent to the west as cheap animal feed. 1kg of meat takes over 10kg of feed to produce, that's not to mention the actual land the animals take up or the water they consume.

Sorry, just had to make that clear. I think it's great that you respect your daughter's wishes and know that a vegetarian diet can be healthy... she's just going about it the wrong way. From what you've mentioned it doesn't seem like your grand daughter is being taught to judge meat eaters. Your daughter is raising her by her beliefs and unfortunately these are conflicting with yours. You say she asked you "Why do you eat dead animals?" well that seems like a logical question for a vegetarian kid to ask. She's been told that meat comes from dead animals which is of course the truth. Most children, vegetarian or not, don't like the idea of killing animals and so she is innocently asking you why you do so. I'm not saying that cannibalism is the same as eating animal meat but using this example may help you understand your daughters point of view. If your mother ate human flesh and you rebelled against this when you were 15, then you would be pretty upset if she went on to tell your children, her grandchildren, that it was ok to eat human flesh. She sees eating meat as wrong and you should respect her decision to teach her child this. If you really are stuck on what to say then just say you're from a different generation and you're set in your ways or just say that everyone is different... some people think it's ok to eat meat and some people don't. I think in terms of your daughter getting angry when you question what she eats then maybe you could research a healthy vegetarian diet. Don't mention that she should eat meat... just tell her that anyone, vegetarian or not, needs a balanced diet. There is so much information about vegetarianism nowadays that there really is no excuse for not eating a balanced and healthy vegetarian diet, especially if you're bringing up vegetarian kids. Good luck with everything.

And by the way, developing a proitein deficiency is almost impossible as most foods have protein in. It's a common misconception that vegetarians don't get enough. Meat actually has too much protein in. If you really are worried than tofu isn't the only protein rich foods... wholegrains such as pasta, bread and rice along with nuts, seeds and beans are all great sources of protein and are cheap too.

Answer 3

This is simply curiosity and not judgement. Think about religion. Children get excited around Christmas time because they are Christian but if they talk to a Jewish person or Islamic, Wiccan, Pan-African, or other religion should they feel as though they are being judged? In reality no but some feel that differences are a direct attack on their personal beliefs. You feel you are being judged for what you eat and your daughter feels as though she is being judged for how she eats. You don't have to eat the same way as her but you should support her decision because she is your daughter. You don't have to stop eating meat but altogether but when she comes to visit try limiting it a bit and not emphasizing the meat but have it to the side. When the children ask just say that some people eat different things and try not to focus on the things you think are bad about the diet but maybe say something like, "your mommy makes some really yummy veggies that are healthy for you." It might also help if you got some more information on a vegetarian diet just to put your mind at ease. Just like with any diet a vegetarian diet must be balanced. This is obviously something important in her life and I'm sure it would mean the world to her if you accepted it.

Answer 4

I'm now not a christian, nor belong to any faith. Why could being a vegetarian/ vegan make me a sinner? The Bible says many matters and could be very arguable due to the fact it was once made through people. It has been translated so in many instances that persons have transformed, ignored, and further matters to advantage their faith and get persons to are living the best way they wish. That is why we've such a lot of religions and wars. It is as much as you to grasp what's proper and what's improper. Do you feel breeding hundreds of thousands of animals, and inflicting plenty of air pollution and destruction why you are at it, then murdering them simply to make a buck, is proper? By being vegan your now not aiding a the greed and lies of the beef and dairy enterprise. If you feel approximately it. Being vegetarian/ vegan honestly make you much less of a sinner. One of the ten commandments says: that we will now not kill. It does not say that we will now not kill people. What do you feel? God created us with probably the most enhance mind amongst the entire species so we will be able to use it. We have got to feel for ourselves and make our proficient choices on what's proper and what's improper. Also do not feel the whole thing you pay attention at the information!

Answer 5

It's quite possible to be a vegetarian or vegan and at the same time teach your children to respect other people's choices, and that everybody's different.

In your place I would tell your granddaughter that we are all different, different people make different choices, and that while some people believe eating meat is wrong, others do not. Presumably when she notices what you and your husband eat she is in your home, and you are entitled to expect respect.

Don't mean to hijack your thread, but it looks as if 'Michael H bullies kids who work in Mcdonalds' is fast becoming an established V&V omni-myth. Let's nip this one in the bud now.

The young person was certainly bullied by a few people. One person, a regular on V&V, said 'I think you've just elevated the definition of hypocrisy to a higher level…So you put money before principle?' That person wasn't Michael H, who said 'You are earning your way at 16, congratulations …Plase make you own choices and do what feels comfortable. I'm sure you'll be out of there as soon as you feel able'.

Here's the thread; make up your own minds who is doing the bullying:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArY4sF7VYywM4dg1ygPtc_Lty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071115051154AAsuUKZ&show=7#profile-info-IIY3NRfpaa

Edit**looks like the attack on Michael H has been removed; I'm going to leave my response to it here anyway, as it's bound to come up again

Answer 6

My friend's kids when young would ask people at restaurants the same thing, "Did you know that that's a dead animal? Why do you eat dead animals?"

They literally could not conceive of a reason to eat an animal. They could not understand it.

Just imagine someone coming from a place where they do not consume dairy, such as in China, and they ask you, "Why do you consume animal milk? Don't you know that comes from an animal?" See, animal milk is for baby animals, not humans, and certainly not human adults. So, the question would be totally innocent.

Why would a herbivore eat meat? Especially where there is no desperation involved? It just doesn't make sense.

The answer is, is that it is part of your culture. It's unnecessary, therefore it must be a ritualistic part of one's lifestyle. "My parents fed it to me, so I became accustomed to it." That's how it works.

Answer 7

I don't see the problem, they will ask 'why do you eat dead animals?' because that is exactly what you are doing. Children will always be very literal and ask questions based on what they see. If you feel there's judgement in that question, which in my view is a perfectly reasonable one, then maybe you're not as at ease with your choices as you would like to think.

When you consider the suffering that farmed animals have to endure, is it any wonder that veggies and vegans judge. Any lifestyle choice whch has the ability to cause suffering to another being is likely to attract judgement from some people, whether it be eating meat, fox hunting, cheating on ones spouse, etc etc.

Why do you eat meat? Say why (although I'd avoid things like 'we are supposed to' or 'everyone should' that might upset your daughter).

Answer 8

Well, it appears that it is your grandchildren, and not your daughter, who are judging you. From what you describe, it just sounds like kids not being tactful, which is something parents cringe at sometimes, but just have to get used to. Kids are always the one to comment on how fat someone is or how different a dwarf looks. This is not because they are cruel or judgmental, they just don't have as good a sense of what is or is not socially appropriate.

If you do feel inclined to say something (which you indicated you used to do), make sure to say it to the mother, rather than the child. If you feel your grandchildren were being disrespectful, you can ask your daughter to address their manners, but if you have a problem with the child's opinion, I don't think you'll get very far.

Your daughter has chosen to raise her children vegetarian, just as you chose to raise her eating meat. Until she was 15, she believed how you believed, and then made her own decision. Your grandchildren currently believe as your daughter believes, and maybe they will one day make a different personal decision. The two situations are perfect parallels, but one seems right to you because that's the way you did it, and the other seems wrong, because you don't believe as they do. Respect the parental decisions of your daughter as you would like people to respect yours.

Answer 9

Your granddaughter wants to know why you eat dead animals - well, you do, so I'm not sure why you're hurt by that particular one.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I won't eat anything but seafood, and if people ask me why, I always have a logical explanation for why I eat the way I do. So why do you eat dead animals? Calmly and logically explain to your granddaughter why you feel it's better to eat meat - for taste preferences, health, whatever, and then go ahead and finish your meal. Don't disrespect her vegetarian diet, though.

It's not helping anyone for you to say nothing. Even if she is a strict vegetarian for the rest of her life, she'll have to learn how to respect meat-eaters.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to tell you this, but what you're eating IS dead animals. I don't think this question is judgemental in itself. It sounds to me like she has only taught your granddaughter the truth about that burger or steak or chicken finger.

If you're so concerned, talk about it with your daughter, or maybe bring it up with your son-in-law. Maybe he can suggest something, or mediate a discussion between the two of you.

Good luck!