My husband and I are having marital issues and for about two months he hasn't say a word to me, but don't have a legal separation yet and I am expecting a baby, due in March. I know that he re-enlisted and that recently he received orders to possibly go to Iraq very soon. Do I have the right of calling or seeing his command to find out when he is going and for how long???
2007-11-14 22:16:14 · 15 answers · asked by Me 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Lol.. Yes it is his child; and no I don't hate him. I'm actually trying to give him sometime since we started having problems right after I got pregnant. Btw, he know it is his child too! The main reason I'd like to know is to know what to do if I need to contact him and if he's going to be around for the birth, or if I shouldn't even bother. Honestly, there absolutely no hidden intentions here, and I do love my husband very much and I would not wish for anything bad to happen to him.
2007-11-14 22:38:34 · update #1
Auch! Just reading the answers, specially the one previous to this, I have to say that abortion will not the solution to your marital problems, and you are about 5-5.5 months pregnant anyway. CONGRATULATIONS!
To answer your question, can tell you is that you have nothing to loose by asking, specially if you ask the right questions. Now, remember not to expect specific information, because I don't think they can/should tell you that much. Have you tried asking him or one of his family members? They might have a good idea, or at least some information. I'm sure they will be more understanding as long as you chose the right words when you ask, considering your situation... Good Luck!
2007-11-15 10:30:40 · answer #1 · answered by myliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calling his command will do little but alert them to the issues between you and your spouse. And while he should have informed them of the seperation and your pregnancy, some military members prefer to keep personal lives out of the office. It can lead to problems, such as you are facing, but bringing it to a command level should be an absolute last resort. It would seem your husband is either too hurt or too angry (weather rightly so or not I can't say) to communicate right now. However, if he is going to deploy there are some issues that should be addressed. A legal seperation should be in place before he leaves. This will garuntee that you get access to military medical care for you as well as your child, that he is getting the appropriate housing allowances, seperatation pays, etc (if he collects something he is not entitled to he would be in serious trouble and have to pay it back) and you would not have to depend on him to send you any money for you and/or the child..the military would automatically deduct any court ordered or legally agreed on payments from his check and deposit them in the appropriate accounts.
It is safe to say your husband will not be there for the birth of the child. Only rarely do they allow deployed members back for births..it is hard to time as you never know when the baby may decide to show up early or wait it out for a few more weeks. You don't mention the branch of service, so he could be gone anywhere from 6 months (USAF) up to 15 (Army).
You need to contact your spouse and ask him to sit down and go over these issues. Make it clear you do not want to address whatever issues ended the marriage, but that this is information that has to be had for your child. If needed, arrange to meet with either a base chaplin, someone in his command he trusts or a mutually agreed upon third party, in a neutral location and with a set time limit. This will help keep both of you on task and may make him feel more comfortable and protected. If he refuses, you may file for the seperatation yourself and then contact his command stating he has refused to meet with you to work out issues surrounding the seperation before the deployment. Donot ask about the deployment. His command will most likely not share the info and there is the very real likelihood that at this point they do not have definite information or they are not in a position to share it. Stay calm, handle the issues that must be addressed and do not get into any "he said, she said" when talking with anyone in a supervisory position.
2007-11-15 07:26:44 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Do to security reasons, No. If he is going to Iraq, he may not even no until he is there. If he is just be sent to another base state side then yes.
My husbands Company just got back to Iraq. We didn't know until like a day or two when they were actually shipping out, and then when they came back we didn't find out until the morining their plane landed in the USA.
They can't, and are not supposed to give any details that have anything to do with their location or their missions.
So if he is going to Iraq, you wont know where he is until he is there. Thats just the way the military works.
Frustrating......yes, but that is the way it is.
Its called OPSEC.
2007-11-15 13:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by paige_98_69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
contact his command and or the fleet and family support office on the base. They will also be able to get you in touch with the ombudsman. Or you can be a jerk and call the red cross. But exhaust all other options and then if no luck call the red cross. If you contact his command they will get some kind of info for you or go to legal on the base they will advise you. There are always ways of finding out .
2007-11-15 07:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by ldygdva757 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have the right as his dependent to be supported. He gets extra money for that. If you are in base housing, you have the right to remain there during his deployment. You have the right to TRICARE, to use the commissary and the PX.
If you are living off base and he stops paying the rent or utilities or giving you money for support, you have the right to go to the base legal office for advice. At the very least they can help you get his paycheck divided so you will not be destitute.
Not even separated, can not get a divorce with a baby on the way. With him deployed, you can not sue him for anything. You are hosed. Make one more attempt to talk to him. If he refuses, and it is not too late, consider an abortion. Then you can file for divorce ASAP and move on with your life.
2007-11-15 15:02:26 · answer #5 · answered by forgivebutdonotforget911 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No. You don't have a right to know where he's going. As long as he's supporting you and the child like he's supposed to, that's all that matters. If he's not, you need to go through the proper legal channels. Troop and individual sailor/soldier movement is covered by the Privacy Act. If you're not living together as married people, its a violation of OPSEC to inform you of deployment.
2007-11-15 06:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by Denise S 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
technically.. no, you do NOT have the right to know where he is being sent. OPSEC takes precedence over family. Same with timeline.. OPSEC takes precedence and exact dates may not be available at least not until just before they leave.
That being said, you do have the right to some sort of contact information so that he can be notified if something important were to occur such as a death in the family or birth of a child.
2007-11-15 08:11:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mrsjvb 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
The answer to your question is NO!
Heck, most soldiers may know what country their orders stipulate, but like all the rest, they do not even know exactly where they will be.
As far as your right to know, let me put it in a polite way, a way that was told to myself and every other Marine when we arrived at Parris Island.
A quote from my Senior Drill Instructor when all the married recruits where told to remove their wedding bands while in boot camp (this is to prevent injuries during training)!
"If the MARINE CORPS wanted you to have a wife, we would have issued you one!
2007-11-15 08:33:32 · answer #8 · answered by Sgt Big Red 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If he is being deployed and it is no secret where he is going then yes you should know. Contact his unit ask for the FRG leaders number. Research it a little online some FRG's are online too. The FRG leader can give you info on his deployment and about up coming meetings.
2007-11-15 12:08:48 · answer #9 · answered by HA HA HE HE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
since y'all are still legally married and there is no separation agreement in effect, you can inquire about up coming deployments with his chain of command...not sure how much they can and will tell you...
but also if he's getting ready to deploy you're frg should be calling you to let you know about predeployment briefings if they have your phone number...
if not i would get in contact with his brigade chaplain and let him know what's going on with y'all esp if your husband is deploying maybe the chaplain can suggest some counseling for y'all...
and also if you want a legal seperation you may want to get with jag for advice on how much he has to support you and the baby...
good luck!
2007-11-15 07:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Infantry Wife ♥ 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋