Yes we all know about having crushes while you are happily married and it is not a great feeling. Worst of all I found out from another friend that the feelings are mutual. My husband is starting to feel the "static" between us but he knows I would never leave him. I do not want to have an affair but the fantasy is in my head all day. I think about my crush all day, I help him and he helps me all the time. He even told my husband that he loves me but my husband just blows it off. A menage a trois is one of my fantasies but my husband sais he does not like to share and that it will ruin our marriage and our friendship. I agree with that but how can I get this guy out of my head! Do not tell me to not see him for a while because I tried that for 3 weeks and it did not work! Anybody else in this situation?
2007-11-14 20:20:44 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Try and find something out about him or something that he does that is completely unattractive. Everytime you think of him throughout the day think of these unattractive things. The crush shouldn't last too long because crushes come and go.
Don't act on your feelings with this guy and try to not be alone with him or he might try to act on his own feelings. Good luck.
2007-11-14 20:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by Nympheas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not really in this situation, but here's my take:
You basically want to eat your cake, and have it, too. Given the guy that you are currently married to, that isn't likely to happen. So, you need to decide which is more important: the guy you are currently married to, or a wild sex life.
If it is the latter, you know what you need to do. Get divorced, then have your fun.
If you want to stay married, the only possibility of fulfilling your fantasy is to join a swinger's community.... then, since you are both "cheating" on each other, you can explore sex with the other guy, potentially.
However, given that your husband doesn't seem very adventurous in the bedroom to start with, the chances of this happening are remote at best. You would need to spend a LOT of time building a great relationship first, so that your husband has no reason to fear that you would ever leave him. But, if you have already been scoping out his friends, then that is NOT a good start.
In summary, either create a spectacular relationship with the guy you're married to, or get out of it before you hurt him needlessly. It's really that simple.
2007-11-14 20:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by Marc M 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
come on honey lets be honest here, another man has shown an interest in you after what you describe as a static marriage, but look at the bigger picture, your husbands friend has told your husband he loves his wife and still your hubby shows you the respect of trusting you both, fantasises are normal everybody has them, but yours are in danger of ruining your marriage you have let them take over your waking thoughts and this will in the end affect your marriage, you need to channel this burning flame you have for your husbands friend and turn it into a positive, put all your energy into showing your husband what you are both missing out on and set the bedroom alight with the lust for your husband that i am sure you have both forgotten you have, once you sort your marriage out this crush will seem like a distant dream and will be forgotten, rediscover your husband, you are his friend as well as his lover, listen to your heart here, and just think if your friend come to you with this same problem what would you tell her? fantasies can enhance a relationship but when they take over your life there is a problem that needs to be fixed before you lose it all, keep this man as a fantasy but you really need to concentrate on your husband and prove to him why he is justified in loving and trusting you so much, i hope it all works out for you and you find some peace in this confusing situation, best of luck
2007-11-14 20:47:07 · answer #3 · answered by fruitcake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A ménage à trois?! Thats disgusting! For crying out loud, he's ur husband's friend! Plus he's a bad friend to even THINK of having an affair with you. Could it be that your husband is beginning to bore you? Personally, i think ur husband is a really nice guy and he really loves u to even tolerate whatever is going on btw u and his friend. He's very right to refuse your proposal. I think u should stop thinking about this guy.Afterall, he is only a crush, and crushes NEVER last forever. Focus on ur marriage and don't let your guy go!
2007-11-14 20:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by beejay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People in love tend to still have fantasies n' such, but if it consumes you like this, then there is only a matter of time until yu end up in a very compromising situation. I think that its time to reevaluate your marriage, and maybe try new things with your man. If after that, you are still looking at the friend in that way, then maybe you should not stay married. Join the "Wish i would have waited" club.
2007-11-14 20:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzy! 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
just try to think why would you married your husband for the first place, have you ever loved your husband? ask yourself, what in this world that you can't get from your husband, and if you know it, you ask your husband to try to give it to you, if you want more affection well then say it, because the reason why you can fall in to someone else, is because you can't have something that you want from your husband, but instead you find it in the other guy
2007-11-14 20:31:31 · answer #6 · answered by tan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you call him your husband's friend.
Some friend.
Think about it, What if one of your friends wanted to bed down with your husband........
All through your life you (and your husband will meet people with whom you feel a strong desire) marriage is about saying no to those desires.
So if you want to have other relationships, because they feel good perhaps you should get a divorce and never marry. Or marry when you feel mature enough to say no. Trust me, the temptations will never go away, human beings are like that.
2007-11-14 20:26:57 · answer #7 · answered by Menthoids 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Forget about your "crush" for a second: You're having problems in your relationship with your husband. Be honest with yourself, this really isn't about the other guy. If you were really happy with your marriage he wouldn't get into your head like that.
Talk to your husband and consider either couples counseling or individual therapy. I wish you luck.
2007-11-14 20:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by lupin_1375 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in mind that the grass always looks greener on the other side, but when you get there it is not always as green as it appeared.
It is easy to be Mr. Wonderful if you are not living with a person on a day to day basis. They can't live up to those standards once they are living with you.
2007-11-14 20:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
till you and your recent husband are legally divorced, you're considered married. Your mutual verbal divorce contract would not recommend "squat" in the adventure that your husband discovers you have been "seeing" somebody else, no remember how harmless your conferences might have been. tell your "pal" that if he needs to be certain you, he will could wait till your divorce has been settled.
2016-09-29 06:54:09 · answer #10 · answered by sedlay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋