Church music directors, advice please?

Question

There are two women in the church choir I direct, and one of them is always so negative (not just about me, but everything) and the other one is frequently disrespectful to me, undermining my authority and also is extremely resistant to change. Tonight, the second one actually yelled at me and had a fit at the end of choir rehearsal.

How do you handle choir members such as these (believe me when I say, I PRAY you don't actually have any like them in your choir).

Thanks to all -- I have been in music ministry for a long time and I've been blessed to never have had this bad experience before...I will talk to them privately and then with the pastor if needed. Their bad attitudes are harming the morale of the choir.

Answer 1

Wow. Well, I guess it would depend on the structure of your church. Should you first go to your pastor and let him know the situation? Or would it be appropriate to have private meetings with each of these members individually?

Are you new to your position of Music Director? If you are then perhaps these two women are sadly not showing a very Christian-ly spirit and are acting out in rebellion or something.

Either way, whether it's you or you & your pastor, I'd say perhaps you should have a private talk with these two members. Obviously neither of them are happy right now (for whatever reason) or they wouldn't be so negative.

Above all, stand your ground as long as you are in the will of God and don't allow these two apples to spoil the whole bunch. God has a wonderful way of pruning the tree if need be. I pray it doesn't come to that since there are usually more ramifications than just someone leaving the choir.

I am the current Worship Leader at my church, but I thankfully do not have any problems like this. If I did, I would first approach my pastor about it and then go from there.

I pray everything works out! God Bless You and your church!

Answer 2

I was in charge of the choir in my ward (congregation) and never had to deal with anyone quite like that. I did have to deal with people that wanted to sort of control the direction of the choir at times. I would just try to get the choir to start singing. If they are singing they cant argue or assume control.

I think you just have to be firm and be very clear that this is what we are doing. Dont come in as if you are giving anyone a choice as to what direction the song is going. Go in and act like you know exactly how this piece is going to be performed and dictate to the choir who is going to sing what and how.

I dont mean be mean or shout out orders, but you need to go into it and demand respect from the start by taking and assuming complete control over the music because there will always be someone in the choir that thinks they can do your job better than you.

Answer 3

Dear Scotgirl,

First i would try to pull each of them aside separately and appeal to them as servants of Christ. Such attitudes are not the attitude that people filled with the Holy Spirit- people who are trying to lead other people into worship should display. Please be humble and confess that you may not always be perfect-- and you are always open to receiving criticism- but the purpose of that criticism ought to be edify you and help you grow spiritually and not so that they can "get their way."

Pray foryour own heart two sister- because you do not want to repay evil for evil.

Think about it as if- what do you do when you see a brother or sister who is in sin? You would approach them privately and seek to restore them.

If they are not open to such a discussion at that point- i would suggest that you bring your Pastor in. Even though you are the music director the Pastor's job is to oversee the entire church and clearly the way that these two ladies are behaving is not consistent with the Biblical standards that you are trying to conduct your choir with.

Be prayerful and think about how to build up these sister in Christ- not just how to get them out of your hair.

Sometimes in a church we have to work with what we have. And there are times that people are put in positions of responsibility that they aren't mature enough to handle- and these positions can sometimes allow them to get big heads. Submission in general is not highly valued in this day and age- and it's something that needs to be taught to these two sisters- but seemingly it needs to be done with gentleness.

Hope that helps. Kindly,

Nickster

PS: I'm not a choir-director but i'm part of a praise team and also a youth pastor. You have to take the good with the bad. It's great that these two sisters are open to serve but the bad off course is that they may forget that it's God they are serving-- and the servant of God must not be quarrelsome.

Answer 4

Firstly you need personal authority, make sure you don't yell back and keep calm. Try asking them after rehersal if they'd like to try a solo one day. There is always at least one in every situation, one that complains, one that whinges, one that causes trouble, it's unavoidable, just stay in control and assert your authority but never embarrass them in front of others or talk down to them. If the next time you have an idea and this person doesn't like it, just say "O.k that's reasonable to disagree does anyone else feel the same? If no one answers then say o.k well I'm afraid the we are just going to go with this one for the time being" And never say "You" as this might feel to them like an attack so try to avoid the word "You" as the subject of your sentence. Word your phrases so things reflect on yourself, such as rather than "Why are 'you' upset" say "I'm sorry 'I've' caused you to feel upset but I have to stick to my decisions as this position requires direct decision making and I know it will not agree with some people but I try to please as many people as I can and we all have different ideas, but ultimately I need to make a definite decision and I can't waver"

Answer 5

Well you got some suggestions from those here in Yahoo
Answers!! But I would say for you to get them together and
ask them Are You Here For "Jesus",or" Your own",,Make them think why they came to Church For!! Then tell Them that
You would take their Crititisum,but away from the Choir Group
You are there To Rejoyce God O'Mighty,not there to be Dis-
Respected,,,That You will take into consideration,,There
imput and Suggestions..But Please Respect You,and if they
have anything to say regarding your performance you will do
what may be neccessary to adjust,if possible,,,
Maybe those ladies Have some imput that you could use
to improve the participation of everyone in church when it
comes to singing... And that you Ms.Scotgirl are as well
learning from others,but First Comes "Jesus",tHAT's
What everyBody is there For,,,To Sing to 'Jesus',and
Thank him for all those wonderful High Spirited People.
Now if the second one continues to give you havoc,
grab that lady,tell her that you love her just as much as GOD,
Loves Her,an would want to her to participate in the Glory
an Celebration of "Jesus",,Pray with her,,,,,,,
and if by chance that not not wrk then talk to the pastor /priest
and get together and wrk something out,,,like give her some
responsibility to feel worth in the Community of the Church
Songs,,,and keep telling them that they are there for God,O'
Mighty to Serve,in the Name and blood of 'Jesus' not to be serve upon!!

Answer 6

WELL SCOTTGIRL YOU HAVE GOOD RESPONSES TO THIS QUESTION. MY SUGGESTION IS TO CONTINUE TO PRAY. ANALYZE YOUR SELF, SEE WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE FIRST. THEIR IS A REASON WHY THIS DISRESPECT HAS SURFACED ITSELF. I'm NOT TRYING TO SAY IT IS YOU. WHAT I MEAN IS, IT'S BETTER TO BE SAFE .TO RESPOND TO THE ACTION WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. REMEMBER PRAYER AND FASTING IS NOT FOR OTHERS CHANGE OF CHARACTER, BUT OURS. GOD WILL SHOW THE REASON WHY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS. I'LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AS WELL. THIS ALLOWES ME TO REMEMBER THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE STRUGGLES TOO. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND MAY THE LORD JESUS GUIDE YOUR PATHS.