Am I over-reacting?

Question

My father recently passed away. My friend/acquaintance came to the funeral home and I appreciated that. This so-called friend recently met a guy on the Internet and that is all she talks and thinks about. At the funeral home, she asked me if I was dating anyone and I said no. She proceeded to ask, "aren't you even trying?" And I replied again with "No." Obviously, at the time I did not say anything because I had more important things on my mind. But I am still a little bothered by my friend's question at such an inappropriate time. She even called me a few days after the funeral ceremony and kept up with the same questions. I replied, as I have many times, even before my dad passed that I have been happy the past three years being single. I am kind of mad and have not returned her calls or emails for a few weeks. Am I being silly? BTW, we are adults, not teenagers. I am 32 and she is 27. But I feel like I am back in junior high school when she starts this dating talk.

Don't get me wrong. I am very happy for her. I just wish she would lighten up on all of this talk. My dad's death has really affected me and I can barely get out of bed in the morning to do the simplest of things, let alone start an online romance. I actually have not told her how I felt, so as someone said, maybe I am being immature also.

Answer 1

Okay - it was totally tacky of your friend to ask at the funeral home . . .

But, it is also true that some people have no idea how to act at these types of events . . . so she may have just tried to "act normal" but I totally understand that you don't feel comfortable with her weird reaction.

My best advice - do whatever YOU need to do for yourself. This is a time to take care of yourself. If you want, just shoot her an email saying you are really busy right now - and get back to her some other time. (I'm sure you are really busy too.)

It is difficult for some people to really understand that some "alternate lifestyles" are a choice and are OKAY for other people - that's HER burden, not yours.

You need to take care of YOURSELF. That's what's important.

Answer 2

She just probably did not know what to say to you so she made idle chit chat. When she called you she wanted to talk to you and see if you were alright but still probably did not know what to say. Lots of people are lost on how to act or what to say when a death happens. I would tell her that you are still upset and that you are not interested in dating at the moment. I am sorry about your dad. If she has met a new guy and is happy she will still talk about it no matter her age. Not only people in junior high do this. If you are still upset after you talk to her again I would tell her. You ought to be able to be honest with your friends.

Answer 3

for her to ask such a question at a funeral, was very rude. but maybe she was trying to get your mind off of what was going on, just doing it in a bad way. for her to keep up with the question after you explained to her you were happy, was just pushing it. but i know people who, when they start dating someone new and they're very happy and i'm single, they will try to find me the same happiness they have even if i say i'm happy already i don't want to date anyone. for some reason it seems to be a woman's nature (well, most women) to want their friends to be as happy with someone as they are with who they're with. but i don't think you're overreacting about this. it was very rude of her to ask such a question at such an inappropriate time.

Answer 4

She's either incredibly immature, incredibly insensitive, or is trying to avoid the subject of your father's death and just really doesn't know what to say to you. Some people are awkward in this type of situation. The next time you talk to her, if her conversation is going in a direction that you don't want it to, just tell her that you're still dealing with the grief of your father's passing and dating is not really on your mind. You don't have to make a big deal of it. Just communicate your feelings to her. My condolences on your father's passing.

Answer 5

Not sure if you have had someone die in your faly this close to you or not before or if she has but...


I know from what I have seen that when someone dies in a friends family it makes the person feel very uncomfortable. They do not know what to talk about. They do not know hot to help. I have noticed somepeople like to change the subject all together to talk about themselves. They think this helps you get your mind off the loss that you have just suffered.

This is what she could be doing. She may also may not even know she is doing it because she is happy for herself, but is afraid to bring up your loss because it makes her uncomfortable and does not know what to say to you about it.

Answer 6

NO! not over reacting, just in mouning, continue to mourn until you have the right time to let go;
then ask you're freind over for some lunch, and open up to ehr and be truly honest about you're feeling's. if you are notinterested or ready to date then DON"T there is nothing wrong, nor does it state any wher you must to be happy, you shold go on with what ever make's you;;; happy
Not give into what other's beleive you should be doing to make them happy.

Soory for you're lost.

Answer 7

Did she know your dad? If she did she should be sharing memories with you, if not maybe she doesnt know what to say .
I think she doesnt know what to say to you honestly, my dad past away too and i had friend like this..Some people are dumb when it comes to this and insensitive you need to tell them they are.
If I were you I would tell her that your grieveing right now over your dad, that your really going through a traumatic experience.
If she cant be there for u or understand it then thats her problem.
I think you should distance yourself from her,, dont cut her off but most def tell her what your going through..

Answer 8

There is an appropriate time for everything. Right now your "friend" is thinking of herself, wanting more out of life. I had this problem myself a while ago when I was going through a job transition.Or she could be thinking of you and not want to see you so alone in your life. She may be doing this saying I don't want to see you so unhappy; live life to its fullest and not hide behind your grief

CG

Answer 9

That was very rude of her, not to mention insensitive.

You've suffered a blow, so don't worry about this unimportant stuff. You're right to avoid this person for awhile, until such time as you feel you are able to tell her to mind her own business.

Answer 10

Not answereing phone calls and e-mails IS like being back in high school- Tell her how you feel.