I'm very embarrassed that I'm so inexperienced with girls @ 20 and it keeps me from approaching them, help?

Question

I'm 20 and have never had a relationship with a girl. I'm ashamed I'm so inexperienced. On top of that I dont have the best looks (hence why I'm so inexperienced) and I'm not very confident. What do I do? Girls dont want to go out with a clumsy nervous wreck like me.

Should I tell her I'm inexperienced? That sounds dumb to me. Seems to me if she was interested in me at all she'd leave as soon as I said that.

How do I get out of this hopeless cycle?

Answer 1

You should take the @$sh0le approach. Just be a jerk cause girls are stupid and always prefer losers over smart people.

Answer 2

Hey, ur not alone. There are plenty who are like u. I'm not very experienced either. I don't want anymore experience, but I'm not very experienced. I was 23 when i got my first bf. Just stop worrying about getting a gf, concentrate on being u, just go out and mingle, go to clubs, join a few at school, hang out with friends and put urself where girls are w/o expecting anything. That will give u confidence..if u like who u are and don't care what others think, then u'll have confidence, and girls will sense that and give u glances. Then all u have to do is either ask 'em out, or have a wingman who's experienced at this.

Yeah, don't tell a girl it's ur first time. It's a little akward at ur age. When u fake confidence, or get some confidence, u won't be clumsy or nervous. Then when u talk to a girl, if things go well, ask her to an event or something, or for coffee or something informal like that. That'll get rid of ur jitters. Then it will all fall into place. Then u'll be out of the cycle.

Answer 3

I would advise that to get out of the cycle you first stop acting hopeless. No one wants to be around someone who is miserable, man or woman, so being that way will do nothing but hurt your chances. Looks come in second place to personality, confidence, and sense of humor... when you meet someone, if you're having trouble with butterflies, try to relax and realize that every guy goes through that at some point, and that the situation you're in, upon review, will *always* look worse in retrospect than it actually was. Just remember to suck up all of your nerve and say what you want to say, because the worst feeling in the world-- more than any letdown, rejection, or embarrassment-- is remembering the chance you didn't take.

There is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed... (sure, when it gets down to the more intimate stuff she's gonna find out you're inexperienced, but what, frankly, is wrong with that? All the more fun to be had learning) the fact that you valued yourself enough not to 'screw around' like so many others do in highschool/college (or younger these days) is something that some women out there will find quite attractive. Just be proactive and you will eventually succeed.

Answer 4

My friend, you have a few mistaken ideas. You are not inexperienced because you aren't drop dead gorgeous. I have seen many a toad of a man hook up. My wife asked me out when I was 33, single, and nowhere near being buff. We have been married for 7 years and never happier.

What I did have was an understanding of how dating works, which I fear you lack. If you are going to be a man, then you are going to have to ask girls out. That means understanding that a girl's answer says more about her than about you. If she thinks you aren't handsome enough to date and says no, then you have just saved yourself the bother of dating a shallow flake who is not worthy of your attentions. It is a win/win event. And should help you boost your confidence, as you have put yourself on the line and faced rejection. You cannot be a nice guy/friend. You have to approach her as a dating perspective. If you try to be her friend first, you may succeed at becoming her friend. But chances are that she will find it weird if you suddenly have interest in her as a date. It is seen as deceptive and you lose. If you like someone, ask them out and don't pin your own self worth on her answer. It should be pinned on your having the guts to go after what you want. You deserve that.

Best of luck.

Dr.G (a formerly shy guy who learned the rules and has never looked back).

Answer 5

I know where you're coming from. I'm way (way) older than you, but you're the picture of stability compared to me at your age. I can safely say that there's no easy way to get confidence with women. Every guy is in the same boat: Good-looking, not so good-looking, rich or poor. Sooner or later we all have to muster enough guts to talk to a woman we find attractive and ask her on a date. The good news is that it gets a little easier with experience, like everything else.

One way to ease the agony is by having friends or some sort of activity group where you can meet women and discuss stuff like this now and then with people who've been through it. That calls for getting up from the computer and going someplace. Think hobby groups, art classes, church groups, therapy groups, whatever. Do this soon.

Answer 6

Why do you say this is a hopeless cycle? You're making it sound like being inexperienced is a disease. Trust me experience can give you diseases like STDs but inexperience never will.

My son is 20 and still a virgin so please you're not the only 20yr old virgin on the planet. I'm sure he probably has some fears but shame is not one of the things he feels for having kept his virginity. That is something to be proud of.

When the time comes and you're with the right person (not someone who's out to be your first or to deflower you) it will come naturally and all your fears will flee. Quit feeling shame like you've committed some unforgivable crime.

Cheers,
S.

Answer 7

You don't have to be the best looking guy around to pick up women. I've seen 300lb., lazy eyed men pick up women. It's all about what you say. Women like a guy who shows he has status and is confident. To a woman, that's dating material. Those are the traits that attract women. Now don't get me wrong, looks help, but they only get you so far. They might get those guys one night stands, but if his personality sucks and/or he's a bumb, he'll never have a meaningful relationship with a woman.

Now when I say status, it's not so much about you being rich, it's about standing out. If you put on some trendy clothes that are clean and pressed, add some cool accessories, and have a neat haircut, women are going to look your way more over the hoodie guy with his hat backwards. If you speak articulatly and have manners, women will think you were raised well and your well-educated which makes them think you do something important with your life, even if you work at Taco Bell. Now, I'm not saying boast about yourself because women aren't impressed about guys who talk about themselves. A woman wants to talk about herself mainly.

Secondly, you need to have confidence. The clothes, the hair, the accessories, your manners won't mean squat if you don't have the balls to walk up to a woman and begin a conversation and end things by getting the digits. Those things are only tools to get you noticed and give you some confidence. The rest is in your head. You got to go in like a salesmen. You got have a litte arrogance. I will get that girl's digits so I can ask her out. That should be your goal everytime you see a girl you find attractive. Don't worry about rejection. Everyone gets rejected. You can't help a woman's preference in men. Just like men can be shallow, so can women. You don't have to have a fancy ice breaker or pick up line either. The basic line I use is, "Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't stop noticing how stunningly beautiful you were from across the room and I had to come over and say hello. My name is _______. What's your name?" Fairly simple. You said hello, you displayed interest in her by telling her how beautiful she was and how she stood out in a room, and you told her your name. She'll probably blush and tell you her name back. I then begin picking on them lightly by pointing out that's she's blushing or playing with her hair. Alot of girls do that when they have interest in a guy. I'll say, "Well, hello _______. By the way, do you know your blushing? I know I'm hot, you don't have to say anything." Right there, that's confidence and you'll find your zone. Just keep at it. The more girls you ask, the more chances you'll get dates.

Good luck!

Answer 8

It's not hopeless! I was the girl version of you until a while ago. In my situation, it helped to be honest and I found someone who was just like me.

My advice would be to find someone who you're comfortable with. Don't worry about trying to impress them or explain yourself right away, that's when you'll get wicked nervous. Find common ground, talk, start a relationship that way. Just relax and have confidence! Confidence is appealing, believe it or not!

I'll let you in on a little secret: girls actually DO like the kind, sweet, sensitive guy! And for me, it'd be refreshing to find a guy who isn't a complete sleaze, or someone who's dated every girl on earth, etc. It's kind of nice ya know?

Good luck!!!

Answer 9

ok, so call me old fashion, but i believe god has sent all of us in pairs, so don't you worry your gal will find you, for until she does try to work with your self i mean if you know you look a little out of fashion then why not talk to someone a friend who can give you or help you get a small makeover. Looks are just a drop in the sea true girls want the whole package and if you feel like you need practice with your nervousness then take some of you girl friends ( girls who are friends) out to lunch or dinner even for they know you so they won't judge you. once you have the nervousness and the makeover done i think you will do just fine....best of luck.......

Answer 10

As a girl i wouldnt really care if you were inexperienced, in fact if you find someone in the same situation its all the better. Unfortunately you cant force girls to like you so unless u find someone who likes you for you, theres not much you can do!

Answer 11

Aw, calm down hun it's not really anything to be ashamed of. Aren't you glad you haven't gone through 50 realtionships and the heartache that comes with it? How about emotional baggage? You see? By this, you have saved youself for that one special girl. And trust me, someone will see this in you and really admire you for that.


Good luck out there, and don't be ashamed anymore, you're young :)