I have been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months now. She has 2 children. A boy that is 5 and her daughter is 7. The problem is that the 5 yr old does not listen. Everything to him is a game and funny. Especially bed time! Will not go to bed. Runs around playing games, refuses to listen. This is causing a lot of stress between my girlfriend and I and I don't know what to do. I'm at a total loss. He also likes to throw things when he gets upset. What is the answer here? It's very stressful on me and I can't handle this. I'm seriously asking for help here. How do you effectively discipline this child? Thank you in advance!
2007-11-14 15:47:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Unfortunately it's not at all up to you since you are merely her boyfriend. But it IS up to her to begin disciplining her children and showing them that their behavior is not at all acceptable. The only thing you can really do is talk to you girlfriend and tell her how you feel about her childrens misbehavior. Tell her that you think they're taking advantage of her being too nice and that you would like to help her learn to be more of a disceplanarian, but without doing it yourself.
If your girlfriend doesn't feel that her children are being bad and she continues to let them rule the house, then it is time to leave her. You have to realize that if you stay together it will never change how she disciplines her children. And if you ever have children with her she will do the same with them and you will end up being the bad guy to your children. Sorry to have to tell you that, but it's the truth.
Good luck and I hope she understands how you feel and that you're trying to look out for her and her children.
2007-11-15 04:53:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a sit down with mom. Both of you have to be on the same page. If you want to discipline ( spank, time-out) and she does not then you have a big problem. If she wants you to try to handle the situation then both of you have to communicate and back each other up for it to work properly. As far as discipline goes. Each child is different. Some children ,you get a stern voice with and that is all they need. Some you have to take things that they love away. As far as the throwing things in the house. That would be a spanking. It could seriously injure someone else if it hit them or it could break. You have to set boundaries and they need to know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they do not listen, AND STICK TO IT.
2007-11-14 15:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by Bilinda G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may well be in need of discipline, but you've only been involved with his mother for 4 months - it's way too soon for you to be involved in disciplining this child. Consider that he may be acting up because you are this new person that is suddenly around and he doesn't quite know how to handle it. I think you need to back off a bit and limit your time with your girlfriend's family. Visit after the kids are asleep or when they are elsewhere, or pay for a sitter and go out.
2007-11-14 16:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by daa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before trying to discipline him, you might want to try being his friend. That might make things a little bit easier. Because you don't want to act like his dad and your action may cause more tension between you and the kid and more stress between you and your girlfriend.
However, if you have no luck and your girlfriend also wants you to discipline his son, you can give him time out or take away his privileges. I know it is easier said than done. But you just have to try it. I have two kids myself and have tried many things to teach them to be good kids.
For example, if he likes juice and asks for juice. Don't give it to him and tell him that he won't get it until he behaves. You can also take away his toys. Tell him that he is a big boy now, he should learn what is funny and what is serious.
Good luck.
2007-11-14 15:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by Uton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Supernanny has some great suggestions on time outs & breaking the cycle of kids not listening and understanding the consenquences of their actions. Put him on time out in the corner or stairs & he has to stay for 5 minutes. Explain first of all the rules you expect him to abide by & that if he breaks them there will be a warning, the next time it's 5 min. time out. He then has to apologize before coming out of this time out or it starts all over. If you have an extremely disobedient child this is very effective, but it will take hours of you doing this the first time until the child finally accepts this discipline and listens better.
2007-11-14 15:55:05 · answer #5 · answered by abbey road 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you are consistant with his bed time. All children play these games when it comes time for bed. First give a bedtime alert - announce "bed time in 10 minutes". Then start to bed in 10 minutes - even set a timer so he can see it's coming. Make sure he has a routine before bed. Brush teeth, drink of water, pee, then read him a story until he falls alseep. Tell him you won't read unless he's still and paying attention. Your GF will love you for it. I love it when my husband does this with our son. He's 9 and still gets a story. They don't stay young for long...
It's really not your place to discipline. I know it must be hard but all you can do is symthasize with your gf. Try these things I mentioned.
2007-11-14 15:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by FL Sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do mate if mum doesnt want to take control. The kid is obviously crying out for a bit of attention-I can understand how stressful this situation would be for you, but at the end of the day, he is not your child so its not up to you to discipline. Maybe you could do some one on one "boy" activities with him to try to earn a little respect. Maybe he feels threatened by you that you are taking all of his attention away from his mum?
2007-11-14 21:58:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not for you to discipline the child. As you are only the boyfriend. Mom has to step up and stop allowing it. Start by taking away things he likes. Toys are the biggest start. Making sure he has plenty of time in the day to run off the energy and less junk food could help too. Make sure that he understands when play time is and when bedtime is. Consistency will pay off. The more she allows him to get away the worse it will get. Just keep on him about what he is allowed to do.
2007-11-14 15:53:31 · answer #8 · answered by littledueceb 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
since you are not the father or step dad, you should do nothing about the kid's behavior. let your girlfriend deal with her child. since you want to be around when the kid is up, go do the dishes, sweep the floor or do a chore for her. read to the 7 year old, or take a walk while this kid is acting up. if your girlfriend wants you to help she will ask you, until then leave it alone. if you can not handle the stress, ask your girlfriend what is better for her, should you come over when it is more calm. stress between you and her will not help your cause and she might kick you to the curb..she should not have to choose between you and her child...my friend you will loose....
2007-11-14 15:55:50 · answer #9 · answered by churchonthewayseniors 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This little guy is craving attention. Giving him attention when he does inappropriate things is still giving him a pay off. Find out what is a reinforcement for him, what he likes, and used it to reinforce appropriate, desired behavior. Consequences of inappropriate behavior is effective as well but tell him what the consequences are before he committs the act, then follow through consistently with the consequence. Consistency is the key. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2007-11-14 16:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by GloryGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋