Whats up with this guy?

Question

So I met this guy a couple of weeks ago, and he doesnt live in the same state as me he lives on one coast and I live on the other. We keep in touch by the phone and IM for now. He is in the middle of a divorce and him and his wife are currently separated. And when Im talking to him he tells me how his wife got everything she ever wanted, and how he like to take care of a lady, and he tells me what his career allows him to buy. So, about a few days ago my cell phone was cut off(hard times) and he noticed that it was of course. So he insisted that he would pay for it to turn it back on. Well unfortunetly my mother(best friend) who I love so much is going through hard times too. And she needed to borrow $350 from him. So she told me to ask him he would do that for her and she will pay him back this friday when she gets her paycheck. When I asked him he said yes. So its been almost three 2 and a half days and I havent recieved anything for my phone nor my mother. Adding more to the story..

Now Im not the type of girl that looks at guys bank account because what I really want someone who is cute to me and who is honest. Because if your not honest in a relationship then you have nothing. And anyways if you didnt earn the money and if its not in your bank account then why worry about it. But anyways, so today I called him back thinking that maybe he didnt send the money because that was a little too much to ask for so early in the relationship. And I told him never mind my mom will just have to wait till payday. So tonight I was texting him and he was a little upset cause he said his boss was an a**hole. And I said I wish I was there to make it better. He didnt respond. Do you think hes mad at me or will he just shake it off. Or is he completly done. What do you think? And what do you get from this?

Answer 1

Sounds like pretty classic stress reaction stuff. You're coming in at a really bad time. He hasn't had time to process and grieve the end of his marriage, he's likely distracting himself with this dalliance with you, and his boss makes a safe target for his negative feelings. This "taking care of a lady" talk is a nice way of saying he likes to be in control, and maybe that he uses money to exert control.

His hot and cold reactions make perfect sense too. Offering to loan money is safe because it puts him in control. Being asked for a loan is a very different kettle of fish, and could certainly make him feel like he's headed for a commitment trap. Dropping the ball on that is a logical response. And I expect he likes the physical and emotional distance, and when you said you wished you could be with him, it very likely felt to him like you were trying to get your hooks in him.

In short, although he might seem warm and engaging, he isn't in an emotional state to start a serious relationship right now. If you're making a big deal out of this relationship after just two weeks, I think you're asking for pain.