Is this a good start to a script?

Question

(beginnig credits rolling against black) Voice: Life is tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. he's kinda right you know, (party scene starting to come on screen, loud music, huge teen house party) at least the sound and fury part.
camera works its way through the party stops in a backroom with four or five kids talking, doing drugs) thats me (freeze frame) my names micheal, and this is the tale of MY life. you can tell me if im an idiot or not (unfreeze frame)

(kids talk a little, do more drugs. Micheal whispers to his friend Jay, girl Jenny tries to listen in)
Voice of Micheal: i started getting into trouble with my buddy Jay, thats him on the left, when we were 14. we got rapped up into drugs and the lifestyle, shopplifting, graffiti, all the normal stuff. but we wanted something bigger...
Micheal: yo Jay, so when are we supposed to do this thing, man?
Jay: i told you! we gotta realy plan this out its gonna happen. mikey, we cant afford to be caugt

so the basic story im going for i thnk is they’re gonna try to rob someplace (bank, liquor store idk) but anyway, Jay’s gonna end up getting shot with Michael’s gun by someone else and he'll be blamed. The cops wont believe him cuz he's just a punk kid whose a junkie and hell get thrown in prison and get killed or commit suicide, im not sure which yet, but anyway at the end its going to show him dead and it'll end up being him telling his story from the grave. whatdya think? let me know if you have ANY ideas as to how to improve, rework the story, cool scene ideas, whatever. if you wanna continue the script a little from where i left off, go ahead. anything to help out would be greatly aprecciated :)

thanks alot you guys!!

P.S.
oops! right after it says "signifying nothing", it supposed to say "shakespeare said that"

its gonna be a movie and kids go see r rated stuff because there parents are stupid and let them. it wouldnt be my fault.

its gonna be a movie and kids go see r rated stuff because their parents are stupid and let them. it wouldnt be my fault.

im gonna direct it too most likely, and this is a really rough draft, so im not worried about correct format and grammar right now

this also isnt gonna be a major motion picture or anything. im 17 and just want to try my hand at movie making.

and to whoever said the young micheal whispy thing, thats really cool, but i dont really have the technology to do stuff like that right now. im not in a class or anything, so i dont have acess to much. its gonna be pretty basic with limited special effects, unfortunatley

Answer 1

You can write a script for a hobby but nothing is selling now.
I am a screenwriter and a TV writer, because of the strike Television writers are polishing up their feature films. And noone is producing, so come six months when the strike ends, they are going to have 12,000 new scripts from the writers, along with the 120,000 a year backed up from un-production.

Aside from that you may want to write a treatment for your script.
It's about 1-2 pages, and consists of all of the twists and turns of the script separated into the three acts.
Act 1, untroduction including characters and basic plot line.
Act 2, protagonists and villians, the turn around introducing the problem or what they have to accomplish or get through.
Act 3, getting over the problem, something else goes wrong, problem solved again.

You have 30 seconds of a 120 minute film thought out.

It's also way easier to write treatments using post-its, it's what I usually do, I fill the wall of my office with post-its and rearrange them, add things to the middle ect.

Answer 2

I really like this! It's the type of movie I wish I could see more.

It would oviously be rated R - which gets kids under 17 really amped up and wanting to see it, but also gets to it's target audience (Not many 25 year olds want to see a pg-13)

Hope it all works out

Answer 3

That's a great start, but it is only a start. I think I would probably not go to see this movie only because I know what the twist is at the end, maybe I'd see. It sounds like a watered down version of requiem for a health class.

Answer 4

Not to bad, but not to original either.

I seem to remember a movie from the 1950's or 1960's with a similar opening, though the people involved were adults and it was booze and women that brought the protagonist down not drugs.

Doc

Answer 5

I really like it! maybe at the very end ya can show young michael, legs crossed siting on his grave stone saying the next to last lines? cloudy day, tree overhanging it, a wind blows and the image of youunger michael gets whispy and changes to an older michael who says the last few words (like, "Well, back to the real world now" or something like that?) then he starts to walk away, then another wind blows and the image gets all whispy and blows off like dust.

Answer 6

If you want to be taken seriously, you should probably research the correct format for the type of script you are trying to write. (I assume a movie script)

I would also suggest using correct grammar.

I'm also confused... Is Shakespeare himself in this or did you just want to steal that first line from him?

Answer 7

From the java downloads page, get the latest java with the NetBeans. The java tutorials use NetBeans and that is probably the smoothest way to get going.

Answer 8

dont make doing drug or anything because just think about it what if your play or something was in a theater? what if you put it a rated r and children go in and see it?itll be horrifing