My boyfriend and I have been together for more than two years (and have been really close friends for almost ten). He has this fear with showing affection in public. He and I have been discussing marriage, and I can't help but wonder what our wedding will be like ("you may now kiss the bride... no? Ok just shake her hand").
I won't push the issue with him because I know it makes him uncomfortable. Seriously now, what do you think I should expect at the altar? I would hope he can push back his phobia long enough to kiss me in front of our friends and family.
Do any of you think I should maybe bring it up? Or should I just let it go? I could really use some advice on this one.
2007-11-14 14:06:03 · 11 answers · asked by Alicia Ann 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I should add that he and I have talked about this in the past, and he asked me to leave it alone.
And the thought of public affection SCARES him (he thinks it shows weakness).
2007-11-14 14:25:05 · update #1
Just ask him what he will do and you will have your answer.
2007-11-14 14:11:07 · answer #1 · answered by 1funnyguy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you definitely do not want to push it, but I don't think asking him would do any harm. Maybe just casually ask how he would like to handle the kiss at the alter.
A lot of ministers and priest actually are skipping the line "you may now kiss the bride". So if he is really uncomfortable, just skip it. You can kiss in the limo!!
You may want to prepare him for the reception though and the slow dance. Tell him to focus on just you and how happy you both are together. A few small kisses at the reception won't kill him! Also everyone there with you, loves you, so no one is going to think badly of either of you for showing affection.
Phobias are a hard thing to overcome, sometimes you can't put your finger on what makes you uncomfortable and sometimes you can't shake it no matter what, so just be supportive and he will come around!
I am sure it will work out and the wedding will be beautiful!
Good luck!
2007-11-14 14:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by Reba 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This isnt an uncommon thing in men. Lots of guys arent all that comfortable with PDA's, my husband included. We were married and had kids before he would hug and kiss me in front of his parents. I dont know, I guess after the first baby he finally realized that his parents knew how babies were made so the jig was up. Dont worry about the altar, he will kiss you. Still to this day, my husband and I rarely do anything more than hold hands in public (but I am fine with it, am not quite a fan of the PDA either), but he has eased up quite a bit in front of others. It takes some time for men to loosen up with stuff like this, but when it counts, dont worry, he will come through.
Good luck!
2007-11-14 14:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not worry, I would start giving him a kiss on the cheeck in public, and no big deal,
Dont pressure him, if he asks you why you did it, just say, because I love you!! and hug him....don't be a pest either by doing it 24/7 because he won't like it, but once in a while. Just try to hold hands with him and be very nice/ supportive, etc. etc
At the altar, when they ask to kiss.....just kiss him! there is nothing he can do!!!
Congatulations...........
2007-11-14 16:33:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he treat you well and is affectionate in your private time?
If yes. Then back off.
I love my wife dearly, but we both would be mortified with a taudry show of affection. In our experience, people who do that, are faking it and end up separated.
Of course!! You need to kiss at the wedding. If he can't do that, then, head for the hills.
We as a couple would not maul each other in comp[any, but, when we are at a family occasion (very rare) it is my duty to show her respect by standing close to her, putting my hand around her waist, smiling and winking at her when we are separated.
Its all about "respect" and to show her family and friends that she is a very special person in your life.
Plus, you need to be a "man"
2007-11-14 14:33:09 · answer #5 · answered by robbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't have to suck your face off at the wedding, he could just give you a chaste peck on the lips, surely he won't go into emotional melt down over that. Or perhaps he needs hep to get over his phobia before the wedding so that it is not a big issue.
2007-11-14 20:19:12 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend's husband was EXACTLY the same way as your boyfriend. When they were eating at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, the pastor came over to him and whispered, "Now, Zach, you do realize that the wedding kiss, when you become man and wife, is supposed to represent and set the precident for your future sex life, right? Just something to think about..."
That solved all of her concerns right there! The kiss was big, long and perfect! She was SO thankful to that preacher.
2007-11-14 17:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Kat1286 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
At a certain point he needs to grt over it! He is going to be ur husband! Maby you should slowil do it little by little! Its your wedding day you dre suposto kiss the bride!
2007-11-14 14:49:03 · answer #8 · answered by Jordan S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why is he afraid? maybe he's just incomfortable with pda, not afraid. HUGE difference. why would you want to do anything that makes him uncomfortable anyway? you should talk about this, because if you can't discuss this, what else is going unsaid?
2007-11-14 14:20:02 · answer #9 · answered by ProudM 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
easy, just dont get married.
what does a document prove anyways?
nothing changes when you sign on the dotted line.
grow up
2007-11-14 14:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋