Do you think they're rude?

Question

Every time we have another couple over for dinner (or even just a glass of wine and chat), they always write to my husband to say "thanks", but not to me. Sometimes, they don't even mention me.
Do you think this is rude? Last weekend, we had a couple over to dinner -- I bought a rather expensive bottle of wine and some specialty items for appetizers (with my own funds); cleaned the house, etc. When the "thank you" note came, they praised HIS cooking and HIS "exquisite taste in wine" and hosting skills, as if I wasn't there at all!
Do you think people just assume that the male half does all of the work and the purchasing and cleaning, or am I missing something, or are these people just clueless?

Answer 1

If I was treated like that by guests they wouldn't be guests again. And if your husband insists on inviting them over again, let him do the shopping, cleaning, and hosting. Act like a guest.

Answer 2

Your guests are ignorant/clueless. Your husband could do something to help this situation, though. He should pick a "special moment" in the evening, sometime towards the end of the evening, as soon as there is some lull in the conversation. At this special moment, he should offer some special praise on your behalf to draw attention, in everyone's mind, to the fact that YOU have been the key player in making the whole event happen. It will give everyone a chance to say "thank you" then and there, AND if/when they still choose to write a thank-you note, this little verbal exchange might come to mind, and they might remember to include YOU. Obviously, these couples regard your husband quite highly, so if your husband praises you--even for a few moments--- I think they'll remember it, and they will include it in their note of gratitude.

Answer 3

Wow, the only explanation I can think of is that there must be SOMETHING MORE to the story you are telling us. Are you two Legally Married? If not, then I've heard that many "snooty" people will not ackowledge a "girlfriend" or "Live in girlfriend" when it comes to invitations & parties..Or, could it be that you are a Rude Person? Have you offended the guests in some way? Perhaps you insult people without knowing it--that is probably the most likey explanation..Perhaps you have a rude, biting, disrespectful tone in which you speak to people. Please know that "class" can not be bought with a bottle of wine or expensive appetizers--class comes from within, and it comes from treating fellow human beings with respect and a little bit of graciousness at thier flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings...If you sincerely want to know the answer, you should ask your husband to be honest and tell you what you may have done that was offensive to your guests. Good Day

Answer 4

Something is DEFINITELY up. I would never assume that the male does all of the work and deserves all of the thanks.

I wouldn't think all of your guests are clueless, there must be a reason why you are constantly omitted in the "thank you" notes.

Are the guests in question members of a misogynistic (male dominated) society? Some cultures recognize the male as the supreme head of the household and regard wives as secondary individuals and may not address her in a thank you note. Is that the case?

If not, I'm afraid I am at a loss as to an answer. Speak to some of your guests about their notes....say something in a joking manner like, "I got your thank you, but noticed it was addressed to "Bill" only. Did you forget about me?"

Hope that helps.

Answer 5

I would say that it's rude. I'm going to assume they didn't intend to be rude, that they old fashion. If you haven't already done so, you should share these feelings with your husband. I think he should speak on your behalf letting the guest know that the two of you are a team, without it sounding like you've been complaining. If that makes him uncomfortable, the next time you get together, he can make a point to thank you and praise you for what you've done and hope they get the hint and thank you as well. It wouldn't hurt for them to know that you also make these engagements possible. I totally understand where you are coming from.

Answer 6

Have your husband invite them back over for dinner and wine. Then when it's time to serve look at your husband and say what did you cook dear? Did you get the wine? Then send them home without dinner and send them a note that you were offended that they never considered that you had any involvement in the previous dinners and when left up to a man they had nothing!

Answer 7

I do think those people are being rude. What I can't tell you is whether it's an oversight on their part, or a deliberate snub.
By the way, most people I know would assume that it is the woman who organized the meal, did the decorations, and cleaned the house. Did HE give them an impression it was any different?
I guess you have to ask yourself how do they treat you, act towards you, when in their company. If its well, just assume an oversight. If its poorly - ignoring you, cutting you off, deliberately pointing out your differences to them, then assume the worse.
By the way talk to your partner about this. If they are his friends, then he should be the one to correct them.

Answer 8

These people are clueless and I would tell my husband before there is another dinner party you are tired of being left out. I would think long and hard before I would have anyone over that didn't appreciate it. I don't know anything about males doing all the work. , I can hardly get mine to help any at all... These people should have enough sense to know who does most of the work. I think you have a right to be upset, I would be too.

Answer 9

impolite is an diagnosis, an opinion, not an action or unquestionably fact. So what became she doing which you chanced directly to be 'impolite?' It seems such as you have been having a conflict of words on a concern, the place she passionately disliked something which you felt in a distinctive way approximately. if it is the case, attempt empathizing why she feels the way she does in the direction of that concern, and then expressing your thoughts alongside with the clarification you experience that way approximately it. you do not could look at something a definite way merely by using fact your pal needs you to.

Answer 10

Sounds like your husband isn't doing all he should. Besides setting the record straight with these ''couples'' he should first and foremost be thanking (and worshiping:) you. I'm pretty sure that if your husband gave you the admiration that is justified you would care little to none about what these couples thought! And further he should probably be setting the record straight with these people as well.
I'm sure your man means no harm, he's probably just ignorant like so many of us guys (It's a gender thing). I think maybe it is time you spoke up, and if you are unsure of what to say, feel free to print this baby out and show him! Take care and I hope all works out well!!

Answer 11

These people are rude. Be sure you invite this couple again and sign the invitation with your name as well as your husband's name.
During the meal, mention briefly, I hope you enjoy the Pasta Seafood Alfredo, it's my special recipe. Actually, I believe the couple is freezing you out. Talk with your husband and leave them off your list for a while. If this fails, make the cut permanent.
Who needs friends like this.