How do I cope with being single possibly forever?

Question

I am a 24 year old male college student currently living in Germany. After single for 2 and 1/2 years without dating or hooking up in between, even though I've tried both giving up and trying hard to find a girlfriend (I even worked at Victoria's Secret without ay luck), I am wondering if I am going to be single my whole life. I try living my life and focusing but I get distracted when I see couples or listen to my friends talk about how sweet their boyfriends or girlfriends are. I was just wondering how can come to terms with this thought without being depressed? I will be 25 in March, people my age are engaged or getting married. I am afraid people will look at me in the future as weird because I could never find a true love or anything, it's already hard when people tell me I am handsome, good looking, sweet and caring, and then look beside me to see no one. Getting way too much more **** then I deserve on this one. But really how can I get over the whole loneliness thing?

Answer 1

I, too, know the feeling of being alone. I know it better than most; better, even, than you.

In my decades-long life, I have never been in a relationship (let alone loved.) I have never even been shown affection. I've been many times that I would be the perfect guy, and yet, I have never gathered a second glance from anyone.

So not to be condescending, but the old saying does explain, " 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." You're lucky you've felt it in the first place.

I know, for a fact, that even though I am a handsome, charismatic and kind man, I will never be loved, for some odd, unexplainable reason.

Sorry for the sob story (not that I sobbed), I just figured may be finding someone more pathetic and hated would make you a bit more optimistic about your own situation.

Answer 2

You're only 24; the end is not anywhere near. I've gone longer than you being single (that includes no hooking up); I'm also older than you and not married.

You need to not worry about what other people say (or what you think they're thinking). Love is not instantaneous, and you're lucky to find it. Don't give up just because you're single right now and other people are getting married. I don't have any single friends anymore; my sister is 4 years younger than me and has been married for the last 4 years.

To stop feeling lonely, start hanging out with friends. Don't have any friends? Make some. Get out there. Join a book club or a language club or spend time reading in coffee shops. Help those American tourists who have no idea what's going on and don't speak German; they'll be happy to see a familiar face. Get some hobbies that you enjoy, to help you pass the time. Do everything except focus on what you don't have, because you have a lot more than you realize - and being in a relationship is a lot more work.

Answer 3

Alex, thank you for being a hero. It takes a lot to sign up for the service, and give over your life to protecting us. I hope you know how much we appreciate it at home. You are at an age where some people sort of get stalled - sometimes you don't have control over where you are, or what you are doing for a living - and you end up in a place where there there is less opportunity to meet someone right for you. It won't be forever - really it won't. It just feels that way now. You're an intelligent guy, well spoken, and that goes a long way. Maybe not with the girls you have the chance to meet - but hopefully, someone will find you. In the meantime, try and find a hobby you like - something unrelated to the military. That doesn't seem to be getting you the audience you would find date among - you need to venture out into another category, as it were. There are plenty of them here, certainly. Try the Fashion category - there are any number of gilrs asking for opinions on which dress a guy might like better - and just in general look around. If you know how to fix things, there are young ladies in apartments with things that break, need to be put to gether properly - in general, they need a handyman. Certainly, you know enough to try your hand at that...and besides, what did you do before you signed up? There's more you know how to talk about. Whatever you do, make sure you do something for yourself that makes you happy - you deserve to be as self-assured as your answers on military police. The taller you stand, the better you look in that uniform, and I don't know one female who doesn't skip a beat at the sight of a guy in uniform. Tell anyone who calls you names to suck it up and find you the girl they think you should be dating. Put their money where their mouth is. And no jokes that hurt people - set an example and keep them to making fun of your world-wide search for a the luckiest girl in the world. She's out there somewhere!

Answer 4

First - give yourself a break. Being 25 doesn't make you a spinster (or whatever it is for men) at all. You are very young and have a lot of time to find that girl.

Second - Make your life as interesting and fulfilling as it can be for you. Explore different places, hobbies, places, people, food. Go back to school for something frivolous. All of these things will make you stronger within yourself, which will make you more attractive to others.

Third - if the loneliness is really wrecking you, get some counseling. It'll help.

Good luck, be centered and don't worry. It'll happen.

Answer 5

Relax .....
What i can say to you is that you are in fact still young.
You have a long time to find someone that you can be with.
And i know you've heard this before but just stop looking and the minute you get over the being alone thing that's when someone will pop up right into your life.
People can tell whether someone is happy or not. if you seem unhappy lonely and pathetic, you will send people running.
cheer up, your alive, your young, just chill-out.

Answer 6

I don't know what the female population is like in Germany, however in the US is it large, especially in your age group. You are well spoken, I can tell by the way you wrote your question.....the problem is somewhere, where is the question. What I would do, and I have had male friends ask me for help, is ask a female friend to help you....or do you have a sister. Ask a female what it is....is it your clothes, is it the way you present yourself? Do you stand up tall, speak directly and look the woman in the eye...do you giggle too much....maybe you are too thin, maybe you are too heavy....weights always help.....I just can't say. However I do know that there is no reason for you to be single if you don't want to be. Go to the Ask Men site and look through the information there, they also have message boards...guys can tell you what to do also. Study this like you studied in school.....Good luck. You will find some one....I am positive.

Answer 7

Well, you must learn how to be happy within you....without needing anyone to make you happy. That could be the beginning of everything. The majority of people "sense" this "karma" from others, and if you keep on thinking that you are a "loner" and always will be, I don't have to mention the rest. You don't have to be rich, handsome (even though all that helps) to have a girl.....it's a personality and character trait.....be a gentleman, but don't over do it.....and besides, it is normal to be 25 and not be married or have children yet.....you are doing it the right way. Enjoy your life, finish college and then, you will have more to offer to that special lady that will set her eyes on you.....she will be the lucky one......but change or condition your spirits.....don't be a "droopy" kind of guy, always portraying loneliness and sorrow.....you are too young for that......Smile more, dance like no one is watching and love like never before!!!!

Answer 8

Quit being such a wuss. Working at Victoria's Secret will make you get further away from women because they will think that you are a little fruity.

Go hang out with some friends and go to the bars at night. Go dancing where there are young people and have a good time. It will happen. It is just that if you try too hard then ladies will see that you are desperate and will stay away. My buddy didn't have a girlfriend for 5 years. He just became himself and then it happened.

Answer 9

You will find someone trust me, any way you won't be single forever you just haven't found the right one it doesn't mean there isn't anyone for you it just means she isn't in you life yet don't worry everyone has a soul mate/mate sometime in their life just stop looking so hard and let your heart take it's course don't force you self to love or date someone just to be dating love isn't love without really caring for the person.

Answer 10

Loneliness is a tough one, but in my humble opinion the easiest way not to feel lonely is to do nice things for others. To be a blessing to others is often the way to find happiness. Even if you are not in a relationship (and 25 is not exactly over the hill) you can share you capacity to love in other ways. I have found, and heard that the best way to find someone is to stop looking. Your time will come. Maybe God hasn't decided that it is time for you to meet yet. It will be all the sweeter if you are willing to wait for the right person.