What is your secret to not letting money issues ruin your relationship?

Question

I travel the world helping people to overcome their financial and relationship issues, but I want to know how you and your partner prevent money from getting in the way of love.
Dr John Demartini


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Dr Demartini will be in Sydney, Australia on November 19th, 2007 to deliver his groundbreaking seminar on Love and Money and Yahoo!7 Dating has a limited number of free tickets to give away!

For more information on how this event can show you how to build incredible wealth and have fulfilling relationships and to register for your free ticket visit - http://au.blogs.yahoo.com/drdemartini

Answer 1

Well, it took me 25 years to figure this out, but here it goes:

First, don't have money problems. Plan and save and realize that you don't have to spend everything you make.

Second, if you mess up on the first rule, then remember that your relationship is top priority. Never let the changing winds of time, storms of life, rocking seas, become the center of the relationship. You two are in the center holding each other, comforting each other, problem solving, and working together. It is never about blame or judgment.
Never forget what you have, and never become so focused on money that you lose your primary focus, each other.

Answer 2

nothing should come between two people who love truly one another....nothing...two people with the same financial goals can work it out...they have to be honest and they need to talk about it....every couple has a money issue to deal with at one time or another in a relationship....its how we personally look at the situation....might i add that wealth is measured by the smallness of our wont's....if we are happy with what we have we are conceded wealthy...My husband agreed to let me look after the finaces. We set up BPay so that our bills come out weekly not monthly. Anything else we 'need' we discuss. If we discuss our finances and both of us know what is going on, it prevents money from running our lives. If that makes sense. This is what works for us, I'm marrying a guy that feels exactly the same way about money that I do. We are neither of us into "stuff" like designer clothes or expensive overseas holidays, dinners at expensive restaurants or big screen TV's for example . Bills and mortgage get paid first and something gets put away for a rainy day from our joint account which both our pay cheques go into. We also both have our own accounts that have $500 dollars in them that we can spend on whatever we like without having to clear it with the other partner first

Answer 3

I believe its true that money can destroy a relationship before a person can get their next paycheck! If there is an issue with a financial problem, there needs to be a discussion for sure. Both people should sit somewhere and talk, at the kitchen table, on the couch, in a porch swing, or even while relaxing in the hot tub. Try to come to an understanding as to what the problem is and make sure the conversation is over at this point. Discuss ways to resolve the financial or money problem and both agree on the best point made or decision made. Never discuss problems in the bedroom where you share each others company on a more intimate level.

Answer 4

When I was working, I was in control of my finances, now that I've partnered up, my dreams aren't the same anymore, I owned my car, had lots of credit cards and now we are on a pension and own just about nothing. We had some pretty bad arguments, as I liked to make sure the bills were paid and he's a gambler and thinks that he'll pay the bills next time, we struggled like this for around 6 years until I was forced to go bankrupt - I have no children at 44 but he has 5 and didnt want anymore, he didnt tell me that at the time, I was only 25, children was the main aim in life, one I got the security of a home etc., but he didnt want that, since then I've had his kids stay here and they break everything, don't show me any consideration, even though, I've lived here for 36 years, nursed both my mother and father although I'm adopted and the other 2 siblings couldnt seem to manage it. I raised his eldest through his teenage years but that was an enormous strain as he believed his child over me, and I'm an extremely honest person, but unfortunately, his mother and step father blamed everything on him (while they were down at the pub drinking), when anything went wrong, so his natural reaction was I didnt do it! I feel like I've missed the boat where kids are concerned and even though we are not in a great deal of debt (about $2K) it still raises problems if he has to go visit the family that are spread all over the country, I don't begrudge him going, after all its family, but a little consideration would be good, my advice to those of us who are poor is live day to day, dont sweat the little things, as they are not worth it! Just be happy with what you have and forget about the rest. god never closes a door without opening a window! I hope you enjoy our beautiful country and I wish you goodluck!!!!

Answer 5

In our personal relationship, the love has to be strong. For me personally, I know I could stand any storm life brings my way, because I have the love of a good man and we can get through anything together. And we do have money problems, sometimes its a toss up between buying fuel to heat the home or paying rent. But when things get tough, I look into the eyes of the man I love and could not live with out, and realize that I am one lucky woman to have him. Like they say, love conquers all, but it takes a true UN-selfish love. If financial problems tare a relationship apart, then it wasn't strong to start with and eventually something would demolish it, if not financial problems then something else would do the job.

So the key, is total and complete love that cant be shaken.

Answer 6

Do you know that I think life doesn't happen that way. Every man I have ever been involved with has made me feel pressed about financial issues. It seems that my boyfriend who just left me has decided that he could take advantage of me financially amd leave me hang for the money. I would like to know why I am always treated this way by men and how come they think that they have no guilt in this matter? I have been stolen from by so many men and I feel that what you are saying would happen in a utopian environment, but the way society views it's women is that they are under men and therefore the man is king of the castle. I think this is a demented way to think. It is pounded into children straight through the school systems.

Answer 7

Growing up being in a household that was on the borderline of poverty I made it a point to eliminate the possibly of being in that position when I became my fathers age.

I am 24 years old and I am working for a contractor supporting the federal government. I make close to $250K a year and I am investing every penny that I have.

I plan to be overseas for 4-5 years so when I come back to the states I can focus on starting a family and not having to worry about finances or even working if I didn't want to.

I'm being proactive and learning from my fathers mistakes.

Answer 8

When I had a partner, I am single now, due to a mishap in life where he died, but during the time we were together...I handle the money issues I made sure all the payments, bills were paid before we either could spend some money on anything...he did not like it that way because he was a loner when we got together.... But learn to understand why I did what I did.......and if he ever made extra money I never asked him for any..I waited to see what he would do...And you know what he always made me feel good about him because if he had enough he share with me....we lasted together for 6 years together...Before God had other plans for him.....But I do believe that as a couple we are equal in everything we do before the bills that is...**smile**....love is unconditionally too so everything in a relationship needs to be discuss where money is concern and don't make it a major problem.....

Answer 9

Money is just a means to an ends.

Financial stress is as much an issue as the understanding to affordable outcomes where individuals interact about what their views or vision are.

Desire lust discerning wants and needs is a part of knowing as much what freedom is or what your why is for motivating existing status quo or growth?

When an instant society is told selfless gratification is the only imperative and the wants exceed the need, is a dematerialised zone in the home or lifestyle the imperative fame, or fortune, when sometimes less is more, is it not, doing more with what you have got a better option, the purposeful nature of time is money, but love and people too, is the superficial and shallow more desirable than deep and meaningful?

Surely time is the only finite where growth is unlimited?

Answer 10

Because of the way I set my priorities. The first on the list is love the second is planning a life for two the third is staying togeather the whole day through the fourth is joint effort the fifth is making dreams come true the sixth is acquiring the money to do so and so on with this because my husband dumped me for a hoodlum that is younger than me and a street tramp that is hooked on drugs. SO DR. AFTER 13 YEARS OF MARRIAGE WITH EVERYTHING GOING GREAT, AND MONEY NEVER CONTROLLING LOVE, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? Rethink your next lecture, because money is not the cause of unhappy relationships it just appears to be an easy way to sell tickets.

Answer 11

My partner and I have been living together for almost 3 years and though we're not married, we are committed to each other in the same way. The rule with money for us is: whatever you bring in is yours to spend with how you will (once the bills are paid of course!) We split the bills down the middle, because, let's be honest, even though he makes more than me right now, I still use half of the electricity/half of the living space.

When we want to save up on something, we'll both pool whatever resources we have together to buy it. Often times, he'll pick up the slack if I don't have all of the money right away.

Just because we live together, doesn't mean the money brought in should be divided between us equally. I am pretty sick of my friends who expect their husbands/wives to pick up the paystub for their shopping excursion.

Live independently, together! Keep a sense of identity through finance. And no gets mad!