Engaged Women, Did you Do a BACKGROUND CHECK?

Question

on your future spouse for arrests, convictions, felonies, or did you investigate his previous wives or girlfriends to find out what kind of man he was? Like let's say an abuser, batterer, or just a con guy? Or do you just let LOVE rule over your minds and say he is just a good guy?
Now, if you don't want to do a background check, is it because of money, trust issue, or reason?
And if you do find he's one of the above, would you leave him and break engagement.

I take it you women are NOT from Los Angeles. Most likely back East.

I am from Los Angeles.

Answer 1

If you need to do a background check on a guy in order to know him, then you probably should wait to get married! You should ask these questions while your dating, and unless your given a reason not to, trust the answers.
How would you feel if there was a background check done on you by your fiance?

Answer 2

I admire you for being street smart and realizing many men put on a good act and a show and once they get married they man in rancid and mean and this is happening to someone I know he put on a really good act and 3 kids later and being separated from him he has not paid a single dime for child support which in my opinion is a POOR excuse of a man.

In today's world is not like when our parents were married in years gone by and I think it is a good idea for anyone to go on the Internet to look for a husband or a mate that they should have him investigated. I am blessed with a good man but we work hard at our marriage and we know it is not a fairy tale.

But if I was single and unattached and I met a guy on line, though a friend. at work, church yes I would have him investigated it is funny you posted this because this question came into my mind this week.

And yes if the investigation proved he was not worthy of my trust for the reasons you listed above I would leave him and break engagement and if more woman viewed relationships with being realistic and eyes wide open there would be much less divorce. The Bible says not to be deceived and there is a reason for that. I would rather be alone than marry a liar and a fake. Very good question you have a lot of common sense and a good head on your shoulders and I am proud of you:)

Answer 3

I love how women from LA or NY always cite this as the reason why they are so cynical. Like we don't have assholes and liars everywhere else in the country too.

No I didn't do a background check. My ex-boyfriend did trying to get me to break up with him but I didn't even look and burned it on the spot. If I want to know I will ask him directly....if I don't ask then it's my fault for being a dumbass and marrying someone I don't know. My HTB has already told me his criminal history (or lack thereof). If he's a con guy he's a pretty suck *** one since I don't have much to steal. He would never, ever raise a hand to me and if he did I would walk out the door right away. As far as aking ex's about him....what would be the point even if I could track them down? I seriously doubt they are going to be a source of unbiased information.

And yes, part of it is trust. I have better things to do with the rest of my life than wonder what my husband might be hiding so I can snoop behind his back. Things like that are immature and cowardly and I am neither.

Answer 4

A.) Stop assuming everyone here is American. It's annoying when Americans do this. Yahoo Answers is a worldwide *International* forum. There are other countries aside from the US, believe it or not.

B.) Not all of us women are love blind idiots. I approached marriage like a business partnership. I did a basic background info search, just using the internet *before out first date*, like most people do nowadays. He did the same with me, and both of us laugh about it now. All I found out is that he played hockey in high school and made it to Nationals. Lol! I did not have to do any further checking, since he works fr the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (like the Feds in the US), so obviously he has no convictions. They did the checking for me. :) As for previous girlfriends, I date the nice shy boys, he only had one.

C.) I do agree with you that some women LET themselves get taken advantage of and hurt because they are blind. Love, while important, is not enough to marry someone. You have to be a good match, and he/she has to be a good person and partner. And yes, this requires some investigation. It is a Western belief that love is a sole reason for marriage and trust. That's one reason why so many US marriages fail. In most cultures, a spouse is checked out by the family before they are even allowed to marry (i.e. must be a virgin, must have a good education, no criminal record, etc.).

Answer 5

good question- I didn't get a background check on my husband, because I trusted him fully and I think most people do. If you have to think about getting a background check on your man, you certainly aren't ready for marriage!!! However, I can't say that if I was a cop and had access to this at the tip of my fingertips that I wouldn't snoop for the sake of it. Afterall, I'd check his myspace page in a second for ex girlfriends and such- I'm just being honest here.

If I did find something out that I didn't know about previously, like a felonie arrest, I'd be pretty mad that he had never mentioned that tidbit of information to me. I'd probably confront him with it and ask why he didn't tell me before. If he was keeping things from me, then I'd probably wonder what else he was keeping from me and why. and yes, perhaps I'd break the engagement and take more time to get to know the person that I'd plan to spend the rest of my life with.

Answer 6

That's why I would not marry someone I didn't know really, really well. It's important for me to meet and form relationships with his friends - especially long-time friends - and family.

If I were to do a background check, it would be at the beginning of the relationship - not after we were engaged.

Answer 7

Since I was a single mom of a young daughter I did background check on any guy I dated more than twice. So, yes I did a background check on the man I married (my second marriage). I found nothing in the background that was scary so I went on a 3rd date and so on. I have been married almost 8 years now, and I realized recently I had never told him this. When I did he was a little shocked at first but when I said why, he completely understood. He said he knew he married a smart women and good mother. =)

Answer 8

Not an official "background check," no, but I did google him soon after we started dating.

This kind of thing should be done LONG before you get engaged. As soon as you start dating someone, it's a good idea to at least do a google search of his/her name. Since any kind of conviction for a felony will probably show up in a local newspaper, you will probably get a fairly good idea of whether or not the person has been convicted of a serious crime. All I found when I googled my husband's name right after we started dating was all the times he'd made the Dean's List. :)

Answer 9

I know my fiance's exwife and his exgirlfriend with whom he has a child. We've also lived together for awhile. Right now he's in Iraq. He'd been pretty open about speeding tickets adding up and getting a suspended license becuase of it..... Anyway, with him gone, I still visit his parents and his stories check out. Have not done a formal background check though. I live in the midwest....

Answer 10

Just because a person doesn't do a background check doesn't mean they're "letting LOVE rule over their minds."

FYI, there are decent people in LA. Some of them even have families, friends, and lives that are fairly law-abiding. If you've known him for years and you meet his parents, his friends, his ex-girlfriends, his co-workers, his neighbors and they ALL tell you he's a great guy who is just as sweet as he is to you...well, wouldn't that be a fairly complex scheme for him to concoct just to suddenly turn crazy after you marry him? Wouldn't he show some signs of maladjusted behavior at SOME point during the years that you dated? Why would he wait until you're married? Most abusers show some signs of control issues before the wedding....they try to find women who they can manipulate and so they test them by gradually behaving in aggressive/manipulative ways and seeing your reaction. If they can get away with, "I'm sorry baby, it'll never happen again..." then they might push further, but if they don't even try that **** then they're probably not going to suddenly try it later.